Computer Genius (Blog 5)

I’ve done it! I’ve actually done it! I’ve updated my browser from the ancient 10.5.8, all the way up to 10.11.6, AKA El Capitan! They said it couldn’t be done, but after one fruitless half an hour phone call that ended in mutual frustration, I said to myself ‘no, I CAN do this’. If I can do 3 pull ups at the gym, and use the hiking machine for 7 minutes before getting tired (on the hardest setting, that is), surely I have no limits. I made another call knowing no fear. After much confusion in updating my Mac to 10.6, (‘why did I have to update to that first?’ Don’t ask, I hate computers), and after about an hour this time, I heard the beautiful phrase, ‘keep clicking on the download button, and eventually El Capitan should install’. ‘Keep clicking?’ If you’ve read my first blog, you’ll know how excited that request made me. All those memories from 14 years ago, came flooding back. Memories of success, bending the rules of the universe itself, and even genius. Simply doing the same thing over and over shouldn’t work, why would it? But sure enough, it did (after I installed the updates on my computer, that is). So yeah, maximum success.

My computer updated, I was then free to use the website builder, ‘Wix’. Well, free-ish, I worked out how to copy and paste short blogs, pretty easily, but how to upload pdfs of larger sketches, plays and books remains a mystery. I’ll have to pester a support line, I think, but as it’s a Sunday, I can’t, right now. No doubt I’ll be regarded as a time waster, but if you describe your web building process as ‘intuitive’ you are setting yourself up for trouble. Furthermore, and annoyingly, I’ve had to delay publishing my book a little longer. This is because I had a question, I’m waiting for lulu.com, to get back to me on. I know advertising is forbidden, but is it advertising if you recommend a band to listen to, but you don’t tell anyone to buy it? Not knowing anything about law, it’s a question that has me stumped. But that does’t matter, as it wasn’t long before my self-esteem could be repaired.

Why? Well, earlier today, I gave a guitar lesson, to a beginner. Do you know what’s great about teaching novices? Other that the fact it’s fucking easy, everything you do impresses them. ‘Wow, what’s that?’, they often say. What is it? It could be a short lick, or even just vibrato, for example. Yep, the latter is just when you wobble a string, over and over. If that’s enough to get someone excited, imagine what playing some Van Halen solos does to a person. Over 15 notes a second, all over the fretboard? It could make a grown man cry. And you know what also is great about teaching guitar? Money. Sure I only have one student, currently, but so what? I’m still getting £30 a week (£5 gets paid to me for the car journey), so it’s time to get loaded on milkshakes. Vanilla, chocolate or strawberry? There is a whole world of flavour, out there, already. Imagine what life would be like if I got a full time job, teaching comedy, (which is I’m hoping for). In addition to trying out supershakes, it is my dream to tip a pizza man £100, just the once. A lot of cash, but the resulting facial expression would stay with me, for a lifetime. And that’s what life’s about, right? Experiences. Nabdgelyo!