Bombay Mix (Blog 16)

Hello! So, I’ve decided to test myself. I’m going to see if I can write a blog about… Bombay mix! Here goes… First of all, I should clarify what Bombay Mix, exactly is. Already, it seems, I have come across a problem. I recognise the hardened peas, the raisins and the cashew nuts, but what the hell are those yellow-brown sticks? They’re spicy, but hm… I think I need some help, here. Let’s read the ingredients… Ohhh, they’re made from flour. Ah, that moreish white powder. I shouldn’t really call it that, as I once almost ran into legal trouble doing so. However, after explaining that there is nothing wrong with making bread, I cleared my name. However, by ‘bread’ I actually meant ‘money’, and by moreish white powder, I actually meant super addictive class A drugs. No, only joking. Selling narcotics is WRONG. I perhaps don’t need to clarify that, yet, but I might have to when I’m super successful. ‘The Great Drug Smuggling Scandal’ is not something I want to be a part of.

Ingredients dealt with, let’s move onto the name itself. ‘Bombay Mix’. Ah, Bombay, the City of Dreams. No offence, but a dream about BM would kind of suck. It would neither be exciting, scary or insightful, it would just make you feel like your life is insufferably dull. After all, dreams are not random images and sounds, but reflections of your life, albeit in an often extreme way. Ok, the City of Dreams is just Bombay’s nickname, and Bombay Mix isn’t indeed, called ‘The City of Dreams Mix’. If it was, it would be such a massive let down, it could well ruin the whole of Bombay’s reputation. Dried peas, are more the things of joyless routine. To avoid associations with grand aliases, personally, I would call the product ‘Mystery Mix’. At least there, you get some cool sounding alliteration. Either call it that, or the equally pleasing ‘Mundane Mix’.

Now onto the makers of the product, ‘Tooty Fruity’. On their website, they say their products are ‘meticulously sourced, delicately packed’. Delicately packed? Couldn’t give a toss. What, do you think I care about someone carefully placing every vegetable and whatnot into the container? Of course not, you can be as cack-handed as you like. In fact, that’s what I’d prefer if it meant you lowering the price. The company also claim that they minimise their use of energy, but the fact they’re so careful about fulfilling near pointless tasks, clearly proves this wrong.

So, is there anything good about this bland, time and effort wasting company? Well, to be fair, its stuff tastes alright, but if anyone served it up as a meal to me, I would expect a refund. However, I would probably get it carefully handed out, penny by penny. Bombay Mix is also reasonably healthy, with its nuts and dried fruit, though it is pretty salty, as well. Thus you will be more protected from bowel cancer, but more at risk from heart attacks. With this product you kind of get to choose how to die, which I think is a pretty neat and novel idea from perhaps a black metal band, but not so much for a brand that is more family friendly.

To sum up, Bombay Mix is a bit of an enigmatic foodstuff, but it can be comprehended, after a bit of research. Don’t sell drugs. Moving quickly on, the product should probably be called something else, for the sake of clarity. Furthermore, Tooty Fruity have very strange production methods, and lastly, their produce has a mixture of positive and negative health effects. There you have it, a blog about a snack. Hope you enjoyed! Oh yes, and I hope I don’t get sued. I can only apologise to everyone who works at TF. I’m sure you know what you are doing really, and I along with all of your consumers are most grateful for your needless conscientiousness. Ok, now bye!