Oxford Circus Part 3 (Blog 17)

To start the day, I went to the Italian restaurant I wrote about, in Blog 11. I felt a bit awkward going in, as I had previously mocked their soapy milkshake. The staff clearly noticed my guilty body language and tone of voice, and definitely knew something was up. The same seemed to be true of the diners, as many of them started to smile. ‘Argh, drink review psychics’, I thought. I gave the workers a look, as to say ‘it’s ok, I won’t write any more about you, I’ve already done you’. But hey, I lied, I do have more to say; their watches were wrong. Soon, I left to meet confidence coach, Joe for another day of randomness. I would be again lying if I said the chefs, etc., were sad to see me go.

Shortly after meeting the guy, guess what happened? Yep, he started talking to three women who were complete strangers. I should have been recording what he said, really, as he gave a first rate, open air lecture on the mind and self-belief. The fact that one of the three was a psychology student, and she listened to him with respect, goes to show the man knew what he was talking about. Before finding this out, he could have taken his chances and spouted out a load of gibberish, but admirably, he didn’t. If I was oblivious about the woman’s studying, I would be tempted to say nonsense such as ‘tertiary amygdala juxtaposition’ to sound impressive, but luckily I was just hanging about. Anyway, I really should have made the new students charge for their lesson, but maybe I could bring that issue up, later.

For whatever reason, the threesome followed me and Joe around, joined in with the latter and started complimenting everyone. Even I took part in the end, as I had reached ‘Level 1’, or in other words, the level of chatting to others. It was a challenge I set myself, to be as random as possible, and I think I succeeded. My phrase of choice was ‘nice shoelaces’, said with as much assurance as possible. No one laughed, even if I did inside. However, my friend insisted I would feel happier if I continued being more outgoing. Whether my mood improved or didn’t, is hard to say, as I only approached a few more pedestrians. I guess deep down, I wanted them to say I had nice shoelaces as well, but that never happened. :(

After all that business, we went into Selfridges. The five of us quickly tried on some perfume that apparently smells different on every person. This is because everyone’s skin oil is different, or whatever, and therefore there are countless combinations of natural and artificial aromas. Unfortunately, my mixture was the scent of spices, made for the opposite sex. In other words, I became a Spice Girl. After everyone smelt each other, we got chatting to a member of staff, who apparently studied German. Maybe THIS time, someone would be impressed with my language skills. ‘Schell!’ I said. I got no reaction.

That didn’t matter, though, as I was given another opportunity to spread my special watch tidbit. Three new followers, meant three new people to be dazzled. I said to them, ‘did you know that clocks are usually sold at ten past ten, so the hands are in a smile position?’ They did! What a day! Schnell and ten past ten? I was all out of ideas. Eventually, they had to go home, anyway. Why they decided to hang around for three whole hours in the first place, was a bit of a mystery, but maybe it was for the free instruction. I said to them seriously, ‘you’ve taken the course, now where’s the money?’ Again, no one thought that was amusing, but this time that was the intention. After a few seconds, I looked at them, as to say ‘got you!’ It was at this point they realised I was pulling their legs, but they still didn’t really produce any kind of chuckle. Eek.

Even though they left, the day wasn’t over; me and Joe got collaborating on jokes for his Muslim themed standup. It was time to think, and be entertaining. Not too entertaining, though, as my best stuff gets posted on my website. But then again, as it wouldn’t make any sense for me to talk about what it’s like to be accused of being a terrorist, he can actually keep all my gags on the subject. Now that I think about it. After that brainstorming, I had to go to the London Comedy Writer’s meeting, once again. There, I would listen to a number of sketches being read out by actors. I think at least one of them won an award, so that’s cool. In two weeks time, another of my skits will be performed, to be precise ‘The Part Time Chef’. :O Ok, after THAT event, the day was over. Bye!