Things Might Be Starting To Happen (Blog 36)

So, what to talk about this time? Well, a couple of employment opportunities may be coming up in the near future, but I won’t go into that yet, just in case I jinx it. Consequently, I have very little to write about. I’m slowly getting more followers of The Unsubscribe Tribe, and that’s it…… Er …… Um …… Many thoughtful minutes have passed. Alright, it seems I have little option other than to talk about possible job prospects. If I don’t get the work, I’ll look quite the fool, but hey. I’ll lie. Only joking. Or am I? Anyway, you may know that I write music reviews for theindependentvoice.org. Well, I may end up being an editor for the site, and that might lead to wonderful, delicious money. Desperately wanting to appear professional, I would of course try my best to be a good worker. However, over time it’s my intention to squeeze in more and more unnecessary jokes. Just enough to get away with. Then ultimately I’ll turn the website into the wackiest metal site around. No, only joking. Again. Or am I? Again…

Secondly, I might be writing new comedy material for a man who used to write for Bill Bailey! :O He should also be performing one or two of my already finished monologues on stage, in November. Maybe I could get him to say a few of my jokes, like this killer: ‘Why is it dangerous to give opinions on jazz rock? Because if you do, you’ll become a fusion reactor’. There you have it, the cleverest joke I’ve written. I apparently ‘innocently’ posted that gag on a comedy forum and got a whopping four likes and a smiley face. Little do the members know I’m slowly building up their trust. The moment I get a conversation going with them… BAM!! I’m getting them to like my page! I believe that’s what’s called ‘aggressive marketing’. It’s totally valid, right? Right, I’m going to get myself a Marks and Spencer pizza and some kind of desert. When I’ve eaten them, they’re getting a review. But what treat will I get?? A muffin? A cinnamon swirl? A bar of chocolate? Who knows?

Of COURSE I didn’t get chocolate! I’m sick of writing about that stuff. I got… No, that’s for later. The pizza, then - nice and cheesy. However, regulars at M&S will know to quickly remove the meal from the packaging. If you leave it in there too long, the cheese will stick to its container and you won’t be able to reattach it to your food. If you’re taking the pizza home in your car, the trick is to lay it on some paper, so it doesn’t get bits of fluff stuck to it, and to drive carefully, so it does fly off the seat. Are these instructions given by any staff? No, you have to work out the method through trial and error. But why? My theory is that when customers are forced to think deeply about their food, the more they want it. It’s like in advertising; the more a product gets mentioned, the more people buy it.

Now the pudding: I got a cinnamon swirl! Again, parts of it got stuck to the wrapping, but I’m not going to bother figuring out how to get a few extra crumbs. Deep down I know that’s what M&S want, even though I can’t prove it. What did it taste like? Very sweet, and it was pretty chewy. I like that. I just find that chewy things taste nicer than crunchy things. That’s all I have to say, really. Will I be buying it, again? Maybe that all depends on how duped I am… Hmm… What to write about, now? As said, I’ve dealt with flavour…. So… How DO you get those extra crumbs? Maybe if you dampen the wrapping paper it will come off more easily, and save…. No! I’m not going to keep thinking about that! I think I’ll end things here, and go back to marketing. I’m in control of what I eat! Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.