Lost Earplug :O (Blog 37)

I’ve got three new followers of The Unsubscribe Tribe, in the last hour! Thus, I think I’ll take a break from my now reasonably subtle spam campaign and write a blog, instead. Let’s give the subscribers of various targeted comedy groups a break. So, here’s what happened last Saturday, the worryingly more interesting of my last few days. On the day of ‘sat’, I did indeed spend hours seated, and looking for opportunities to promote myself. However, I had no success. Sure, I got likes and approving faces for the various comments I posted and those filled my heart with warmth, but at the end of the day, my efforts felt like a waste. I should have known it would have been like that, as the previous recent days had been far from successful.

To celebrate this throwaway of a morning and afternoon, I thought I’d order myself an Indian takeaway. Apparently, it would take an hour to arrive. In that time, I made up my mind to sneak in a cheeky nighttime walk in a local park. I drove there with earplugs in my ears, to protect them from the loudness of my car engine. (In my life, I’ve listened to too much heavy metal, and I’m now paying the price). I then got walking, plugs in pocket. All started well despite my difficulty seeing properly. Not only did I not get harassed by local angry gypsies, I also kept my shoes relatively free from mud. However, after a while, I had become cocky. On the journey back to my car, I carelessly took out my ear defenders and dropped one on the grass. Aargh! I spent around five minutes on the soggy ground looking for the thing, and in the process I may well have got rabbit poo on my hands. Eventually however, I came to terms with the loss of a good £3’s worth of equipment. Was the item gone forever, though? I had an idea…

What if I were to create a poster asking for help to find my missing ear plug, and post it locally? It could go like this: ‘Lost: Orange ear plug. Last seen whilst walking through this park. £1 reward for information leading to its finding. Please call this number…’ I was thinking I could display my phone number, the phone number of someone I didn’t like, (most likely a family friend) or alternatively, ‘999’. I’m not sure if it’s legal to post posters in public without permission, though. It’s certainly not a good idea to tell people to phone the police for very, very trivial reasons, but I’m sure no one would. Unless a gang of toddlers started roaming the area, but I doubt that would happen. That idea brings me to another one I’ve thought more deeply about. So, the plan is I place a shoe and a crisp packet on a plate in the middle of nowhere, and have a note above it. It will say ‘do you know what any of this means? If so, please call - insert number here - immediately. £500 reward.’ Meheheh. I have to do that, one day. Pointless, but funny.

Anyway, once I got home, I realised that my dad had left the house, to walk the dog. I still had another 20 minutes apparently, but what if the takeaway driver was early?? I made a phone call to make sure. Phew! He had a traffic accident, so he’d be late. I know that sounds terrible, but it was only very minor. Eventually someone else came to give me my meal instead, and because he was so delayed, I got it for free! As Alan Partridge would say ‘cash back!’ I then ate my curry, whilst watching war drama ‘Black Hawk Down’ on TV. I’d never heard of it before, but it got good ratings. That surprised me as the allied soldier dialogue was filled with flaws, such as ‘why are the enemy burning the tires?’ followed by ’It’s a signal to tell the rest of them we’re here!’ He really should have known that. I know I wouldn’t make the best soldier in the world, but I would at least have the common sense to listen to the mission briefing. Apparently the film was about a botched mission in Somalia, in 1993. If that discourse genuinely did happen, it doesn’t take a genius to work out why things went so wrong.

And that’s it from me, for now! Back to marketing, I guess……………………. Bye!