A Boring Week (Blog 73)

Like a few days ago, I’ve been having a rather boring time, though in this case it has been worthwhile. Not exactly productive, but worthwhile. I’ll explain. If you check out my ‘One Screwy Week’ book on my website, you’ll know that I go completely apeshit with my use of commas from chapter 15 onwards. (Yes, I did do a bit of clearing up a while ago for the first 10,000 words or so). I’ve been going through my book, deleting all the unnecessary punctuation and it’s taking ages. I probably have another 50 hours of work to put into it, which is depressing as it’s not REAL work. I could better spend that time talking about… well not traffic lights again, but maybe ambiguous foods. For example, I’ve recently eaten a product called ‘melon free fruit salad’. It could contain literally any other fruit than melons, right? Even poisonous fruit! Even though highly unlikely, a clearer renaming needs to be brainstormed, urgently. Anyway, disappointingly that embellished anecdote will have to wait, as I should really take priority with my book and its blog.

What else have I been doing with my novel? Not a lot, really. However in it, I did spot one instance of me using the word ‘youtube’, which I quickly changed to ‘youcube’ to be consistent with the rest of my material; that is the fictional though very similar video sharing site. Mentioning the real company in my work could result in me getting sued. Well maybe not, it’s not exactly if I said youtube employees covered up a huge conspiracy about people exploding after eating old food or anything, that’s more the kind of thing I would say in The Danger of Proverbs. But let’s be careful anyway. I also changed my mentioning of ‘BMW’ to ‘BMUU’. The latter is pronounced exactly the same and by pure coincidence, the two companies produce very similar cars. Crucially however, they ARE different. Ok, what else have I been doing with my book? Er…. Hm. Actually, let’s talk more about melon free fruit salads…

So why boast about not containing any melons? Are melons bad for you? I don’t think so… Do they taste bad? Not to me, certainly. Maybe they are expensive? Again, not really… Let’s hypothesise:.. … … Ok, a long time has passed without me coming up with any ideas. :( I was considering writing a whole paragraph of ‘errrrrs’ and ‘ummmms’ in funny ways to compensate but I thought better of it. I know when I’m defeated and I’ll go gracefully. Still though, I’m not happy. If you’ve read my previous blogs, you will know that I have an unblemished record for comprehending the world in crystal clear ways. This is a huge blow for me. To get my revenge on the confusing planet, the next time I go to a car boot sale, I’m going to say EVERYTHING that I sell contains no melons to really fuck with people. CDs, computer games, everything. See how they like that. >:( Clearly I’m angry, but things aren’t so bad really as I’m listening to Communion by Years and Years on youTUBE. I like it a lot and have ordered it for my birthday. What’s really great is that after years and years (no pun intended) of building my CD collection, I’ve never bought something from an artist or band beginning with ‘Y’. I will soon have records of every letter of the alphabet. Yes!