Commas and Football Success!! (Blog 75, Crazy Blog 1)

Blog 75; a satisfying number. Will this end up being similarly special blog? Let’s hope so, as I will be writing about the crucial football match between England and Panama as it goes on. Let’s hope the former kick bum. But for now, a couple of hours before the kickoff, I will be summing up my last few days. As I previously mentioned, I have been removing the excess commas from my book ‘One Screwy Week’ and doing so, let’s face it, was kind of dull. But it was fun at times too, as I was rather arrogantly entertained. On my most recent reading, I truly appreciated how weird my writing style was in places. Most people would talk about things like chandeliers and candles or whatever in their settings. I however, felt the need to go into detail about the wallpaper in almost every scene, perhaps most often grey. In fact, I must have written of about 5 different varieties of that colour alone. I would like to say I did that as a joke, but at the time it sounded like a genuinely good literary idea.

My way of fixing plot holes was far stranger, though. On maybe the 5th draft or so, I noticed that no police officer could have possibly gathered enough information in such short a time for the police investigation to continue. So, I introduced an almost one off character who had the ability to stop time itself. At first I thought that was funny. On my most up to date reading however, even I was thinking ‘wtf’. I’m not really sure who my book is aimed at. It’s kind of childish, in that the plot is so ridiculous it could never happen (police ineptitude is even greater than the kind of stuff in Johnny English), but at the same time there is a fair amount of swearing in it. ‘But Simon, just get rid of the swearing’. That would be easier said than done, as the ‘special speech to regain public trust’ my protagonist is forced to recite has to have cursing in. After all, people who swear more are more trustworthy. Well, that was the hypothesis at the time in my story, but it was later realised in the plot that that theory isn’t true. How embarrassing. Well, I don’t have to think about that stuff anymore, as I’ve decided I’m finished with my book, for now at least. It’s time to move on.

Football, then! I have the pre-match commentary on in the background, as I eat some non-earned Papa Johns pizza, drink a warming ginger beer and occasionally type. Hopefully no technical gibberish will be spoken from the telebox, like last time I watched/half-watched a game. I don’t even know what ‘offside’ means. Fortunately, most of what’s said involves universally understood goal scoring. Lol, the word ‘Panamanian’ has just been uttered. According to spell check, that’s a real part of the English language. How cool is that? Panamania! I would love it if Englishmen were call Englamaniacs. Stop talking about passes, formation and performance, I want to hear some funky new words. Maybe something like ‘balltastic’. No, that’s silly. Let’s just put that idea in the ‘work in progress’ box, somewhere in my mind. Maybe something will come of it, later. I may have said I wanted to hear some new words, but why has the phrase ‘clinical football’ been used? What’s that? Football medicine? Can you swallow footballs?? Never mind, that goes to the silly section, too. Let’s just talk about the match, itself…

Yeeees, nearly 8 minutes in and a header into the goal. By the Englanutters!! That was shortly after I saw someone seemingly getting fouled, without either of the two involved being near the ball. I’m not sure why there was no yellow card given out but as explained earlier, I don’t really know the rules of the game. Are non-injurious judo throws allowed? Because that’s kind of what the incident looked like. Free-style football. To be honest, I kind of want to see more of that stuff rather than any more victories, it was just surreal. 21 and a half minutes in and the Englafruitcakes (or Englacakes) have done it again, through penalty! Take that Panama! Van Halen may have written a classic song about you and neglected us, but we’ve got you now! Yeahhh. Maybe Eddie and his band will mention the UK and how they are better in their upcoming album. 35 minutes and the Cakes have done it for a third time. :O This really is a super blog; not in size but in motivational content. To make the difference clear, I guess I’ll have to think up another name for this entry. Hmmm… How about ‘crazy blog’? As in ‘Blog 75, crazy blog 1’. I’ll get back to you. No, I don’t have to as that would have been the first thing you would have read in the title, anyway. Still, what an awesome game, right?? Ok, 4 nil in the first half. Swish. Errrrr…. Five - nil? Before half time?

Second half, underway! Will Panama make a miraculous comeback by scoring 6 goals? I doubt it. Will England score their tenth goal? Amazingly, that seems far more probable than the opposition doing anything significant, right now. This can’t be real… Dum-da-dum-da-dum… Alrighty, ten minutes in and nothing has happened in terms of UK goal glory. Who knows? Maybe England simply had the wind on their side in the first section. If so, their foes may have the advantage now when it comes to the breeze, but their lack of progress could be explained as plain old disheartenment. Also, the home team are wearing the light deflecting white. Poor Panama must be boiling in their red attire. It may not be as heat attracting as black, but the colour does make a difference. Just this second, 6 - nil! A further lead because of climate and clothing? Probably not, but it’s an interesting point. No more ideas go to the silly section, right now… Dum-da-dum-da-dum-te-dum… Panama scored! 6 - 1 to England. Thank you wind! The underdog’s fans seem to really be celebrating that minor victory. I hope they’re not expecting their side to win, because they’ll only be disappointed, surely. Finally, the game is over. Or as the Panamaniacs will be saying ‘thank **** the game is over!’ Consequently, my blog is over, too. Just got to proof read it, then post it. For the first time in this crazy blog… Bye!!!!

Only joking, I would never be that abrupt. Here’s a related joke: Why is it a very holy experience to kick a football? Because if you do, you can say ‘bye ball’. (As in ‘bible’). Ok, now for bye 75. Or rather, byesy-bye-byeeeeeeeeeeee! Woop woop!