Nooooo.... (Blog 81)

It's Thursday. Wednesday's football match between England and Croatia is over and you probably know the results of it. But for the sake of creating a sense of story, let’s imagine you don’t and that it’s about to start. The end of the blog will be the end of the game. But… before all THAT, let’s have a brief introduction: When I was in London on Tuesday, in the London Comedy Writers meeting above a pub, I had the misfortune of frequently being distracted by very loud football fans. Not so strange, right? At first I didn’t think anything of the whole hubbub, but as I left the group, I found many celebrating enthusiasts were French. I was thinking, ‘why have Frenchmen come over to England to watch the game between their homeland and Belgium? Surely Russia would make a better holiday?’ Maybe English televisions are better quality? No, I don’t think so. Maybe the foreigners like the more chilled out commentary heard in the matches? That’s more likely as some countries are known for going pretty crazy with excitement. It’s enough to annoy anybody, but moving country because of it is a pretty drastic move. But then again, maybe the French fans were a one off, visiting the city for its culture, etc. Nope, I saw a whole extra load of French people on the train back home surely celebrating in their heads, so hm. What to think?

Ok, let’s get down to sporting business… As the singing of the national anthems proved significant in the last match with England in it (the more skilled/outgoing performers won), I think I should bring it up again. Both teams seem pretty evenly matched in terms of vocal ability, but there was one England player who did screw his part up. I’m concerned he and his comrades will now lose… but should I be? Let’s find ouuuuut, here comes the kickoff! Oh my God, Eng scored in the 4th minute! It seems the three lions on the whole aren't cursed. First half is over and the cats are still ahead! Wondered why I didn’t write about anything after the goal? That was because I was eating fish and chips with extra family members, and it would be rude to watch the football alone in my room whilst typing (too much). That’s a particular concern of mine as on Tuesday, I got told by a guy in his 50s that my etiquette was the worst he’d ever seen. In his whole life? Wow. Furthermore, I’m assuming he lives in London (because he was in London - yes in the LCW pub) and Londoners have a bit of a reputation for being rude. In a way you could call me a kind of king?? Maybe?? Anyway we’re winning, so who cares about my manners? Be happy with that… Oh, I’ve been rude again, I do apologise.

67th minute and Croatia have scored. God dammit. I bet that crappy singer wasn’t defending well or something like that. ‘Stop going on about singing!’ No, that’s JUST the kind of attitude that is screwing everything up. Listen to me, I know what I’m talking about. I bet if I were to say to people that England need help from maybe Judas Priest’s Rob Halford or someone people would say I’m crazy. ’No seriously shut up Simon! Singing, milkshakes, traffic lights! Stop going on about the same kind of stuff! Now that I think of it, stop typing up what I'm saying!' Wow. Where did that come from? Looks like we have a new contender for London’s most uncouth person. Impressed with yourself? Oh never mind. Extra time has started. I’m sure I can find something about it to beef this paragraph up. Let’s goooooooo. Nooooooooo. Croatia, how could you?? How could you score?? England are going to lose aren’t they? # It’s not coming home, it’s not coming home, it’s not coming. Football’s not coming home. It’s sad Simon, it’s sad Simon, sad Simon. Simon’s sad at home. :( # That’s enough of that. I really don’t care if the Brits beat Belgium on Saturday, so they can come third in the tournament. I’m not sure if the football team even does. And on that depressing note…….. …….. …. bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbyebyebyebyebyebye.