Albums I Shouldn’t Like, But Do. (Blog 86)

What have I been doing these last few days? Again, nothing really worth writing about, other than me doing some more funny music reviews. But that doesn’t matter. I don’t always have to write a whole entry about my week, I can jot down something else. (Though I will talk a tiny bit about what’s going on in my life, just so I can keep blog as opposed to monologue status. That’s perhaps important, as I haven’t written one in a while). But what should I write about? How about…. Music!? In particular, ten albums (because it’s a nice number) that I really like, but also really shouldn’t. Because I’m super nice and conscientious I will only be writing about albums I haven’t ‘discussed’ beforehand. ‘Wow, really Simon??’ Sure! But then again, I have plenty of CDs to choose from. Get strapped in and get ready for a genre travelling adventure!

Number 1: Those Once Loyal by Bolt Thrower…

Simple. Repetitive. Unmelodic. Cliched. This album has it all, all in the wrong areas. So why is this death metal so much fun?? And the word ‘fun’ being associated with famously the world’s heaviest genre? What’s going on? Most DM fans would say something like the following about their favourite artists: ‘This stuff is so brutal, it makes me want to dive head first into a mosh pit and beat up the floor with my skull.’ Fun?? Well whatever, the same can’t really be said about band No. 2…

Number 2: Deathcrush, Mayhem…

Wow, an album called ’Deathcrush’. A double whammy of misfortune. I’m not even going to touch upon what some of the song titles are called, though. My word. So why do I like THIS one? Even though the opening instrumental track can only be described as a certain four letter word beginning with ’s’, it does set a certain tone. The real insanity starts (and continues) with the second track, however. It barely qualifies as music, it’s sloppy and it’s very basic. But there’s just something pleasing about a genuine nutter doing what he loves (being nutty) by screaming his head off, like he’s just been stabbed in the throat. Apparently that had never really been done before at the time, for whatever reason that could be.

Number 3: My Own Prison, Creed…

Leaving evil territory behind, we go into plain old misery. This album is ****ING miserable, in fact. Even the song in a major key is pretty depressing and that’s not easy to pull off. I remember in an interview the guitarist saying he could do Yngwie style shred stuff, but he just chooses not to. Actually, there is some guitar playing in that style in this release, but it’s a lot slower than YJM’s work. I’m skeptical as to whether he can really play as fast as he claims, as his semi-speedy fretwork lacks confidence. Maybe he’s a fantasist. If so, that could explain why he’s so unhappy. Be glad with what you can do already!

Number 4: Hybrid, Tiago Della Vega…

This album on the other hand does have some fast guitar playing in it. And when I say ‘fast’, I mean so fast it’s arguably stupid. This artist is the guy who can play ‘Flight of the Bumblebee’ at four notes a beat at 750 BPM. (Though sadly on this album it only gets played at I think a mere 320 BPM). I strongly recommend you watch him on Youtube, because I’ve seen few things quite as incredible. Incredible, but not the stuff you’d listen to on your iPod everyday, most likely. Having said that, the majority of his music is pretty normal, so this album doesn’t deserve to be on this list as much as the others.

Number 5: Hypnotize, System of a Down

This album is all over the place, to put it mildly. Mental, calm, mental, calm, etc. It’s the musical equivalent of going up to someone and saying ‘nice to meet you, YOU…. YOU… AAAARGH! GO AWAY YOU ****ING &^*^, *&%&, &**&^& ^&((&(& &(&(&^%%% &*(&(&&&&!!!!! I do apologise. Please continue using the zebra crossing. You have right of way.’ Surprisingly to many, this band are actually very successful. Does that mean other art forms will be influenced by them? Will we end up seeing demented hybrid family/horror movies where a cheerful Buzz Lightyear goes crazy then starts attacking people with chainsaws? The Toy Story Chainsaw Massacre, that would be. Part of me hopes so, but only if appropriate age ratings are given, of course. Toy carnage.

Number 6: Steeler, Steeler

Ok, I don’t really like to listen to this album very much at all, though it is worth having from a historical perspective. Interestingly, it was the first band Yngwie Malmsteen was in that was signed to a label. The music is exceptionally bland and the soloing is very typically ultra-tiring, but still. It’s rare. It’s rare for a reason, but come on… it’s still rare. Isn’t that great?

Number 7: Transgression, Fear Factory

This album apparently was never even properly finished, explaining the somewhat raw production. However if you’re like me, you will have a tendency to dislike material sounding super polished, most often in pretty much exactly the same way as so many others seem to be. And what’s with all the single note riff nonsense you get on a lot of their other albums? Their more basic stuff is nowhere near as monotonous as djent, but how about a little more creativity than open string ‘chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga-chugga’ all the time? In contrast the riffing and indeed the songwriting on the whole in Trans is pretty good. I’m not sure what the U2 cover was about, though. U2 on an industrial/death metal album?

Number 8: Arcade Rock, Karate High School

Even the name of this band is a little off putting as far as I’m concerned. It’s hard to take the ensemble seriously. The cheesy lyric ‘fear does not exist in this dojo’, was a nail in the coffin for me. The weird keyboard blips in the background throughout the CD (apparently making a whole new genre - 8 bit Nintendo core that is) are just plain strange. This is supposed to be punk music. Ok, pop punk but still on the weirdness scale, this is well up there. BUT… it’s fun.

Number 9: Not in Rivers, but in Drops, Isis

Poor Isis. You start an atmospheric rock band, then a terrorist group uses your name and consequently people now associate YOU with terrorists. Fortunately for them however, their music is pretty good, and the ONLY thing that holds them back is their alias. Imagine saying to your friends or even worse your boss that you’re going to see Isis ‘perform’. Wow. Instant firing and arrest.

Number 10: Debut, Bjork

Talk about a change of mood. You know it, I know it, this music is girly and belongs in no man’s extensive metal collection. In fact, if I was a Japanese individual I would have to perform hara-kiri simply out of shame if I even looked at the release. But I’m not so it doesn’t really matter, it’s just embarrassing. Despite that, I have a deep-rooted desire for modern pop music to be like it was in the 90s. The new stuff sucks, right? And not all old pop was cheesy or wussy. Remember ‘This is how we do it’ and ‘Gangster’s Paradise’? That was some good stuff.

Okey dokey, that’s the ten albums done. But where’s my brief summing up of the last few days? Well, very recently, I bought a milkshake! Yum, yum, yum. Bye!