Does Fireworks Night Suck? (Blog 101)

Why did my dad spend around £50 on fireworks, if many people were setting the things off nearby, and local professionals were launching dozens that were far superior? Was it really worth it, just to see some controlled explosions a little nearer? Well, let’s compare fireworks to other things you can get for the same price. First of all, for 50 smackers you can get 5 brand new CDs or 200 used ones from a charity shop. Sure the cheaper records may have cracked cases, but don’t pretty much all fresh ones end up being damaged sooner or later? Is 40 times the price for an album a good deal, if it’s in pristine condition for just a few months? So… We have 200 CDs. Sure, I’ve never seen a charity shop with a CD collection that has labels for different genres, such as rock, metal, etc., and you will be lucky if you find something there you like and don’t have. However, if you’re adventurous and you like to randomly pick music you’ve never heard of, that £50 you have will come in very handy.

So, what else can you get? Another impressive sounding one is a year’s supply of penny sweets. If you’re not too keen on the things, the same amount of money can even buy a lifetime’s worth. A lifetime of sweets, or a few minutes of sparkly things. What’s better? To me it’s a no brainer… Sweeties! However, if you’re over the age of ten and you’re reading this, maybe you’d be more interested in chocolates. Put simply, you can get a lot of those, too. They may not be good for your health, but if you’re all alone and lost is the desert, what will you want? Junk food or fireworks? Ok, fine, you can use the latter as attention-grabbing flares, but how often will you see a helicopter or whatever in such places to potentially save you? And there’s always the risk a pilot may think you’re having a party, anyway. Stick to conventional flares, I say. Ok, ok, ok. That was a weak argument because most people will never go to a desert at any point in their life, and almost certainly not with the choice of pyrotechnics or snacks. Sue me.

Increasing the manliness a little, you can also get around ten kebabs, if you go without chips. The meals can be somewhat of a lottery; most of them will be very nice, but rather disturbingly the meat can rarely have a bit of a crunchy texture. No one wants to eat chicken donors that make crackling sounds when bitten into, it just feels wrong. I’m not even sure what could make the food that way. Maybe it’s at times made of crushed up tendons, or something. Urgh. I still have nightmares to this day about the dodgy takeaways I’ve had. Want to spice things up and add chips? Not a problem, you can still have around seven more full courses for 50 squid. Never have I had a dodgy chip, apart from the one time, many many years ago, when I was given a mystery chip that was frozen. To this day, no one knows how it got in my pack. Ok, I’ll wrap things up here. Hopefully I’ve made you look at your life a little more closely than before, and you will spend your money more wisely from now on. Is there anything that I’d like to put into the room 101 of blogs? Expensive fireworks! Bye!