Comedy Contest 14 (Blog 104)

Comedy contest 14! Who won it? Rather unusually, when judging all of my contestants, I was kind of hoping Jaiden Jarvis wouldn’t win according to my pioneering rating system. (Check it out and indeed the whole event, here… https://www.facebook.com/The-Unsubscribe-Tribe-157356154842321/) But she did. Why did I hope that? Her stand up routine was f**king demented. What would people think of me if I approved and shared her link on this blog? But then I thought to myself, ‘as she’s joking and not being serious… Ahh, screw it’. So, here’s her material…

https://www.facebook.com/schoolofhardknockknocks/videos/1037014843146863/

Even though she’s messing around in her own special way, I’m still only going to post her tamest jokes here for you to enjoy; if you have a phobia of clicking links, that is. (Don’t worry, I’m sure it’s not a virus - needless to say, that would be very bad for business. But I get you). Oh wait, there are no tame jokes, so this is going to be a more minimalist blog. No sorry, there is just one: ‘Donald Trump has decided to ban shredded cheese. He’s going to make America grate again.’ I don’t mean to sound like a dick, but that should really be ‘Donald Trump has decided to make shredded cheese compulsory.’ Fortunately, her gags were so fast paced, no one seemed to notice the minor blunder, however. Or maybe their heads were blown by the constant filth. Don’t be fooled by Jaiden’s innocent, flowery dress. It means nothing.

Ohhh, on another view of Mrs. Jarvis’s video, I’m afraid to say she has misunderstood what irony is. Take for example her quote ‘Her star sign was cancer, so it’s ironic how she died. She was eaten by a giant crab.’ Here comes being a dick part 2: That wasn’t ironic, that was a coincidence, right? Irony is like when someone called Tim Short actually turns out to be 8 feet tall. Am I mistaken? If so, I retract being a dick part 2 and add the not so different self title of being a misinformed dick. Slightly different, right?

Ok, that’s all I can think to say about her. If you’re a long time fan of mine, you’ll know what comes next in this entry: Something unrelated. Here’s a story… When I went to the London Comedy Writers meeting (which was a couple of weeks before finally posting this stuff) I brought some scripts to it in a plastic bag. My work would be performed! Unfortunately when I left home for the get together, I didn’t check what was inside the carrier as well as I could have, I just bundled my work in there. When I exited the meeting, I didn’t bring anything home with me, meaning I could have potentially left misplaced medical records behind. Sure, they would contain nothing worrying like ‘Simon has revived-smallpox' or something alarming like ‘Simon can’t stop killing’, (yes, a big, no no) but still my privacy could have been easily violated. I don’t think I did leave any of my records, but who knows? And on that note……. … Bye!