Film Tidbits (Blog 111)

Over the last months, I have been watching a few films in my spare time. I’m not a movie reviewer, so I’m not going to discuss what I watched in depth, but I will be pointing out the serious flaws in the releases that can be spotted relatively easily. Why? Well, why not? I hope I don’t spoil the following for you, but I very well might do. I may even make you question your previous evaluating abilities if you’ve not noticed what I have. On the other hand, I might just come across as a thoughtless idiot who is being completely unfair and ignorant. But it’s easier to make comedy that way. :P

What have I got to say about Miracle on 34th Street, the film about someone dressed up as Santa who works in a shop grotto and who literally believes he’s Father Christmas? What were his employers thinking hiring him?? They knew he was schizophrenic. Sure his belief in himself consequently made him extremely convincing to little children, but what happens when he threatens members of staff with a knife, when he accuses them of hiding his reindeer? Not very clever.

‘Elf’ is supposed to be one of the best Christmas films of all time which is why I watched it, but from the start I was put off by Will Ferrell behaving like a 7 year old constantly. I’m a big fan of his Anchorman, so I was quite disappointed. Why didn’t he act like a man and tell people to f**k off once in a while? Because of his mental age, he could probably have gotten away with it. Sure the film’s age rating would have to be raised, but at least the actor would have saved his reputation. He doesn’t even have to swear, he could say things like ‘twat’ or ‘dickhead’. Even Home Alone had some swearing in it (either that, or I’ve just watches an edited clip). No one cares, it’s Christmas, right?

Alpha Papa is not holiday themed but as I’ve viewed it not long ago, that doesn’t matter. My rules. Whilst I thought it was very good, I was thinking to myself ‘why has Alan Partridge’s personality changed so much from 20 years ago? Did he hit his head hard in a car crash or something?’ Usually when that happens, people become more aggressive and quarrelsome. I’ve never heard of a case where someone becomes nice and cheerful after brain trauma, but I may be mistaken.

The South Park Film is definitely not suitable for youngsters and it’s also not supposed to be festive. (Despite the snow everywhere). It is however, very cheerful in tone which is why I like it. Lyrics such as shut your f**king face, uncle f**ker seem like they belong on a Slipknot album, don’t they? But they’re in a comedy film? Mind blown. What to criticise? Hmm… I’m stumped.

Ok, Home Alone IS a seasonal film. You are most likely familiar with it, but you probably don’t know of the dark theories behind its story. (I’ve just watched them on Youtube). One theory is that Kevin’s father is a mob boss, another is that the whole family is a cult, another is that Kevin later turned out to be the Jigsaw Killer, another is one character is the devil and the mum sold her soul to him, and another is that the old man in the film is actually Kevin later in life. Pretty crazy, right? Well imagine if ALL those theories are true! That would surely make it the most trippy production of all time.

Anchorman: Will Ferrell’s comeback! Another cheerful(ish) film, this time about a news reporter. With a gang war in the middle? What would an infant who just watched Elf think of this one? Probably something like ‘Buddy (the childlike character in the previously discussed film, that is) has gone bad!’ And a dog getting kicked off a bridge? That’s just upsetting.

To finish off, an even more retro film is Wayne’s World. For many years after it, people said ‘excuse me’ in a very refreshing way, infuriating many hyper-traditional English teachers. What was at first extremely confusing for me, was the way Wayne played on a guitar in a music shop, and the staff member told him not to play ‘Stairway to Heaven’. But he didn’t play the song, he played about four random out of tune notes. That caused me a lot of needless brain straining.

And that’s me done again! What more is there to say? Not a lot, I really tore those films apart, didn’t I? I do apologise. Well, whatever. Until next time…………………. ByE!!!!!