More Food Insights (Blog 120)

Is eating squirrels wrong? The subject has been on the news recently, as some restaurants have started serving them in lasagnes. The rodents are everywhere and they’re far from poisonous, so what’s the problem? Personally I wouldn’t eat them. Not because it would be weird, but because I haven’t got anything against them. Sheep and cows on the other hand often baaa and moo at me in a disapproving way and give me funny looks, so I eat them without even thinking about it. I would also eat horses for similar reasons, if I could. It’s interesting that some people don’t eat meat because they don’t like the taste. I’ve never met anyone who doesn’t like the taste of animals, but only eats them because they hate them. That’s not completely me, I find them delicious, but you get what I’m talking about. Well maybe not.

Would I eat frogs? Again, not really. I kind of like the things; they’re completely harmless and also don’t give me any problems. In fact once I nearly ran over one in my car, and had to check my wheels because I would have felt bad if I killed it. I know this isn’t making me look good, but if I accidentally killed a sheep I would automatically think ‘curry’, as would any enterprising/non vegetarian person. But what about chickens, my favourite meat? Ok, they’re not so abusive, they just taste great. However, it should be noted that they’re distantly related to dinosaurs, famously the most evil animals ever. (Doesn’t the name ’Tyrannosaurus Rex’ fill you with fear?) Because of that fact, my conscious is clear. Make chickens ten times bigger, and who knows what they would be capable of with those claws, right?

That leave pigs: What do I think of sausages, etc.? Pork is one of my least favourite meats, so you may be forgiven for assuming I only devour THEM out of spite. The truth is, I mostly eat them to give me more variety in my diet. When bacon is spiced up with mustard, it’s quite a treat, though. Like chickens, would swine turn into monsters if they were 50 foot tall? I’m reassured to say, ‘probably yes’. They eat everything, it would be crazy to think that pigs wouldn’t eat people if they could. So screw them. And their cold, dead eyes. What’s that about?

Next, I will discuss other animals I could eat if I lived in another country. Dogs are far too adorable to make meals out of, enough said. Cats are obviously also much loved, common household pets, but let’s face facts: If THEY were bigger they would most likely scratch you to death. In fact they’d probably do so if you fell down the stairs, were crippled and couldn’t defend yourself. They’re not as snooty as cows and sheep, but treating them as cute is ever so slightly foolish. Because of that, if they tasted nice, they would go straight to my tum. Lastly, if someone told me to eat insects because beef etc., is running low, or for any other reason, I’d tell them to f**k off and super-lastly, eating meat grown in a laboratory is just demented. Apparently it doesn’t taste as good, anyway, so I’d tell anyone offering me the stuff to f**k off, twice. And once AGAIN……….. Bye !