Thieves! (Blog 123)

I thought yesterday would be just another trademark boring, eventless day and it was in many ways, but if you work in the security services you will be outraged by what you’re about to read. To start the morning off (after eating my soggy Crunch Nut Cornflakes - there’s a brain teaser for you, get used to it), I did some music reviewing and stuff like that. Not really worth writing about for the most part, but to my relief I wasn’t commenting on yet another black metal band. I’ve dealt with dozens of such artists now, and most sound exactly the same as each other. Sometimes I feel like messaging the musicians on Facebook and telling them to sort their lives out, but if they’re true BM, they wouldn’t care about or listen to what I have to say, so what’s the point? They’d just go back to walking in forests. Anyway, later in the afternoon, I cycled to the gym. Also not really worth writing about. Or was it?

Whilst checking if my bike was connected to the nearby post with my lock by yanking it, I yanked too hard and broke the thing. Needless to say, what a sh*t lock. You don’t need to know advanced mathematics to crack its code, nor do you need a chainsaw to sever the chord, just pull on it a bit too much. Not very good, is it? I didn’t want to go home without working out, as that would be like turning down an ultra powerful (though tasteless) super coffee, that makes you feel great for ages afterwards. Therefore, I made it look as if my device was in complete working order by jabbing its broken ends together, and it did indeed look fairly sturdy. My exercising was a bit more tense than usual as I was rightly preoccupied with thoughts of thieves, but amazingly they were either absent or tricked, and I eventually cycled home relieved and slightly high. (Though still kind of p***ed off about my joke of a security system).

Later on in the day, I went shopping for food. Pretty standard really, until someone just casually left the shop without paying for anything. That justified my fears, earlier. The guy at the cashier saw that and explained ‘we have to do everything in our power to stop robbers, but we can’t actually stop them’. I like to think of myself as a reasonably intelligent individual, but I don’t know what that means. They’re the kind of instructions that can drive one mad. I can kind of get the Schrodinger’s cat in a box theory where it is alive and dead at they same time. If you’re justifiably curious (who the f**k wouldn’t be?), I’ll TRY to explain it: If something can be in two different places at once, which is theoretically possible, then one thing can trigger the death of a cat in a box (a very cruel box that is), whilst the same thing can’t as it’s somewhere else, meaning the animal is alive and dead if you get what I mean. It’s trippy, I know. I can comprehend that (I think), but I can’t understand everyday advice from an employer in a supermarket? You know when you hear about people who leave universities with degrees and spend the rest of their lives doing apparently easy tasks? Now you know why: These people actually have to deal with some really abstract stuff.

That was kind of the day fully summarised really, so after finishing up those three paragraphs these last few hours, I took a break and ate a healthy snack called ’melon free fruit salad’. Melon free? Is that really something worth bragging about? Are melons bad for you? I don’t think so. It’s like saying ‘pizza without beef’. Sure pizzas CAN have beef toppings but it’s still a random thing to say. Usually food products give descriptions of what they have in them rather than what they don’t, as that prevents a lot of guesswork. Easier foods to comprehend that I also consumed were mini chutney flavoured papadums and a small baguette. Were they described as meatless non-Martian products? Nope. They weren’t even called the more descriptive ‘flour based munchables (without mustard’). Ok, for the 123rd time (sorry for not celebrating that cool number and making this a superblog)…. Bye!