Hair! (Blog 142)

Like most people, I often get my haircut. Is that worth mentioning? I don’t know. Is it best if I don’t even think about writing about such a subject? Possibly. However, my brother’s father’s day celebration has been postponed, meaning I won’t be able to blog about that for maybe a week or so. I don’t know when exactly to be honest and out of a desperation you’ve possibly suspected, I’ve ended up here with arguably nothing to do. But maybe I can make the best of the situation. Let’s find out.

Ok, first of all, what’s with the black dress the barbers put around your neck and whole body (or at least mine) that makes you look like Darth Vader? Here’s theory number one: The hair stylists have an immature fantasy where they are in Star Wars. They wave their razors over your head as they pretend they’re lightsabers that cut your hair. That may sound silly, but it’s definitely a potential way to pass the time. However, many hundreds of workers doing the exact same thing sounds a bit far fetched. Surely not all of them are obsessed with the film franchise. But then again, who hasn’t heard of it? Maybe they get trained to use their imaginations in barber school. It’s kind of like performers pretending the audience is naked - it sounds dumb, but it works.

Theory number two: Picture the scene; someone walks into a business asking for a shaved head. It doesn’t exactly take much skill to do as asked and even when fantasying it is a very dull job. So what do you do? Well, you have to do something, don’t you? You look as professional, over-the-top and essential as possible so people don’t think they can cut their own hair. Theory number three: This one is a little darker; what happens when the barber cuts your head by accident (or on purpose?) It wouldn’t be good for his reputation, would it? What better colour hides blood stains than black? Think about that.

Now I’ll move onto another question: Why does my barber always cut the hair off the sides of my head first, and leave the top till last? Does he have a deep rooted desire to see what I’d look like as a monk? If so, why? Again, it’s time to theorise: MAYBE, the man is looking for some mature spiritual guidance. Deep down he feels silly for wanting to be Luke Skywalker, but not silly enough for HIM to be a holy man. Alternatively, maybe he wants me to look a mushroom. Is that a deranged attempt at getting his five portions of fruit and veg a day? Who knows. If so, that could explain why he sprays water on my hair every now and then. Maybe he wants the ‘mushroom’ to grow. But he knows he has to chop it off again, right? Maybe he’s crazy.

Lastly, why does the barber show me what the back of my head looks like in a handheld mirror when he’s finished? Surely he must know when the job’s done, why ask me?? ‘But he’s just checking if you like what you look like’. That would be a valid argument, IF I didn’t ask for the exact same hairstyle every time I go to his establishment. It’s not as disconcerting as when a driving instructor asks you what the rules of the road are because he forgot, but still, it’s my money I would be wasting if he screws up. Ok, many may have thought it couldn’t be done, but I’ve just blogged about getting my haircut. How about that? Anywho, bye!