A More Interesting Seat (Blog 152)

You may remember I blogged about sitting on a chair, not long ago. Where do I go from there? I suppose I could IMAGINE myself perched on the same furniture and discuss my feelings, but at the end of the day, there’s no real reason why I should be as extreme as possible. My blog, my rules. Instead, for this entry I chose to give myself an easier time. Not by laying about on a comfortable settee and writing about that, but by sitting in Chobham Common for an hour or so, and describing what I see. Whereas before I was in danger of falling off a faulty seat, in the countryside area as I jotted down ideas on a notepad, I was in danger of blood thieving mosquitos and even ticks, specialised in the art of biological warfare.

Rampaging cows were also a concern. I guess all I had to do was not provoke them, but the animals are smart. People have eyes at the front of their heads for a reason, and instinctively animals know why. They’re used to judge distances and to hunt. Not hunt vegetables - you gather them, don’t you - but hunt meat. I’m sure that a mammal with the capability to do so would love to pick off a suspected juicy, medium-rare burger lover like me. And the best thing? There were no witnesses 99% of the time. The perfect bovine crime.

Anyway, as I was writing the first draft of that introduction on I guess a mini hill and on the dry-ish mud path, I was waiting for something interesting to happen. But nothing too exciting - again, think vengeful cows. Nothing too annoying, either; I previously laid my bike very carefully down on the ground as it was nice and thorny. If I got a puncture I would be pretty screwed as it would take me about 3 to 4 hours to walk home. Even worse, I couldn’t enjoy the many downward slopes on the way, at incredible speeds of at least 25 miles an hour, as I would buckle my wheels.

Eventually, a bee flew past. It could never kill me, just potentially cause me pain. Very much like a low level thug who likes a fight. Whether the insects see themselves that way, I don’t know but what I do know is that they’re very protective of their queen. This is a long shot, but maybe you could compare the stingy things to imperialistic old men. The kind who aren’t afraid to use their walking sticks as a mild weapon on disrespectful youngsters with a punkish attitude. Those stuck up bees! Here’s a thought: Why did a harmless fly land on me, after that hazardous encounter? What was he/she getting out of it? It couldn’t attack me, but I could certainly attack him/her. A thrill-seeking daredevil, perhaps? These bugs sure have interesting personalities, right?

After THAT encounter, I saw a man in the distance walking. Unfortunately, I couldn’t tell if he was a punk, so I couldn’t test my hypothesis. Have YOU noticed people with spiked hair and wearing chains getting stung more often, because of their dated anti-monarchy attitude? Never mind. Changing the subject a little, where did all the stones that were by my side come from? I mean the nearest quarry was miles away. If I sounded like an idiot then, I do apologise. I never liked geography in school. The mini rocks could come from space for all I know. Anywho, had they been moved by insects attempting to build a mini stone henge? If so, one could only imagine the frustration experienced by the critters when ramblers unknowingly kick them all out of order. That would explain seemingly pointless insect bites.

To sum up: Maybe I’m overthinking things, but it seems humanity is foolish to think the animal kingdom is inferior. Give them a chance and let’s see them construct their own spiritual monuments - it could be good. Sadly before writing anything too deep and groundbreaking, I had to leave the area because weird things were crawling on me and I didn’t know what they were. Pardon the pun, but I’d be really ticked off if they were ticks. Apparently, Lyme disease takes about 3 days to show up, (most of the time) so for now I’m a potential ticking time bomb. Only joking I don’t think I got bitten. On that positive note…………….. Bye!