Tool and Knees (Blog 155)

Unfortunately, I kind of messed my knees up through running too much, quite a while ago. (At least I think I did). I’ve had an X-ray and the results seemed fine, but I disagreed. I’ve been to the doctors about my issue a few times, been put on vitamin D supplements and was told to eat more fruit and veg and less meat. (I’ve done one of those last three things at least, vegetables are too boring and chicken, beef and pork is too good). Still though, I get a little pain if I do enough walking, so now I’m going to visit an orthopaedic surgeon on the doctor’s recommendation. Part of me hopes there is something wrong because after telling the physician in my latest visit about my problem, I don’t think she really believed me. I kind of want to say ‘told you so!’ but the more sensible part of me hopes all that is needed is very low level treatment. I guess I’ll find out!

I was planning on getting Tool’s latest album ‘Fear Inoculum’ after my trip to the hospital as something to look forward to. (Along with a tasty hot chocolate). However, having looked on Amazon for it beforehand, hoping to find some interesting reviews to read, I found it was selling for at least £86 pounds. That’s a lot of money. No, it’s actually ridiculous and surely unique in the worst way possible. I mean bands often try to be different, but not like that. I thought that was some kind of mistake somehow on my part. I mean, Allmusic.com said it was good, but surely not THAT good. However, having done a bit of research there was no mistake. And only two of the albums were available! (At the time). How much royalties would the band make from around £180, assuming the music actually sold? Far, FAR less than a penny for each musician. Are the band out of their minds? And think how long the poor fans waited for it - thirteen years! Thirteen years and I think three release date delays for two unaffordable albums? Tool might as well have said on their Youtube channel if they have one ’here’s our new album coming out…. F**K YOU! :P’ Because that’s how it felt for me.

I later found out that it was really only a digital release and the CDs were apparently collectable, (ALL CDs are collectable, don’t try and screw with me) but I like things I can look at. I’m not paying for a digital thingamajig when I can hear the f***ing thing on Youtube for free, with pretty much the same sound quality! Do you think I’m a moron? Dear God! I don’t mean to sound psycho, but now I get why people send hate mail, I really do. Nothing too abusive, just the classic ‘suck my balls’ or whatever. It was said that the album may not be available to love and to hold because it was too epic, but 86 minutes isn’t that long. And even if it was… Ever thought of putting it on two CDs? Not exactly a wild idea. In fact I have albums with four CDs in it, and the artists at no point b*tched about it. And I’m not unwilling to pay a few extra pounds for Tool’s new release, either. I’m just not willing to pay about eight times more than usual. Put simply, the outrageous album news really f***ed my week up, as I feel like I’m missing out on a huge event. Still though, at least my hot chocolate and cream plans remained intact. If you think that’s a joke, it’s not. ‘How are unhealthy drinks exciting?’ - Ah, by rationing sugary treats for special occasions, you genuinely look forward to them a lot more. Try it out, and simultaneously be healthier! I can always get another album from the local HMV, too - Double fun!

Ok, so me getting the apparently greatest work of art in history never happened and probably never will. Soon I’ll talk about what did on the day of my knee testing but first, I’ll describe my travelling concerns: Why does much of the local hospital shown on Google Maps have so many double red lines on the road, meaning you can’t stop? Why has there got to be such a panic about where you can and can’t go? I might understand all that if the place was super-busy, but it’s not! What if someone is driving someone who’s having a heart attack? All that extra stress is the last thing a dying person needs! Even worse, there are some places vehicles driven by non-staff members aren’t allowed to go, but because of the markings, it’s very easy to end up where you’re not supposed to! Once you’re on course for the forbidden zones, it may be too late! Fortunately however, I gave myself three practices driving to the place beforehand, so on the day I aced my driving.

Ok my driving went well, but it still took me ages to navigate my way round the huge health centre on foot. Not to worry, I kind of went overkill and gave myself five hours in the car park. Costly, but you can’t put a price on peace of mind. After getting help from a few people I eventually ended up in the orthopaedic section. Sound good? It should do considering my doctor booked me an orthopaedic appointment, and as the same branch of medicine deals with bones. Apparently I was still wrong though and was sent to the physiotherapy centre. Why do things have to be so confusing? Yes, my letter I received did tell me to go to the latter section of the hospital, but was my ‘mistake’ really my fault? Considering my documentation and conflicting medical advice, I only really had a 50/50 chance of getting things right. I didn’t know that letters trump doctors, did I? Still though, I’m glad I messed up because the original place I visited was a little busy and I did a smelly poo in the nearby toilet I was eager to get away from and blame on someone else.

So the physiotherapy department, then: You know earlier on when I said I hoped there was something wrong with me, so I could get a small victory over the doc? Well I got a two in one! There WAS something wrong with my knees, but it was a condition that wasn’t too hard to treat! Yes! I was simply given some easy leg warmups to do, involving standing up and sitting down, but only using one leg at a time. Usually such practices would be completely pointless for a person with all of their limbs in working order, but I’m all about activities that are a little quirky. I was also told to increase such exercises over a few weeks, but I was surprised to hear the healthcare worker say that when I was strong enough to run for a couple of minutes or so, I should work through the pain, as long as it wasn’t too much. Usually people get told that’s exactly what you shouldn’t do. I was wondering ‘did I do something to upset to specialist? He DOES want me to get better, right?’ Who knows.

So the celebrations, then! First of all, whilst I was in Staines, I had to get something out of the way: I gave my mobile number to the local bank so I could buy stuff online with more safety. After I told the staff member my digits, she entered them into her computer. She then said ‘sorry, this is taking quite long’. I was thinking ‘I do understand the concept of time, you know?’ But I didn’t say that. After that strange comment, I left with a spring in my step (an excellent sign of good knee health) and went music buying. Again to my surprise, but a bigger surprise this time, I saw the the dementedly priced new Tool album was sold out! You’ve been ripped off you idiots! Tool fans are supposed to be smart, as they often chat about the clever compositions and crazy time signatures in the music, as well as hidden messages in the artwork, etc. Oh, doesn’t matter. You can get covertly robbed by narcissists if you really want to. (Yes, that’s coming from me). I just bought a Smiths and Megadeth CD instead, the metal band having FAR better musicians than the selfish prog band - just saying. Then I enjoyed the hot chocolate I was interested in. That’s kind of it, really. All in all, a perfectly reasonable day. Bye!