Faulty Car! (Blog 157)

Annoyingly, one of my car indicators went all weird on me. What’s worse is it went bad on the day I needed to pick up my meds. Can you imagine if I risked driving illegally? What if a policeman pulled me over and said ‘did you know your indicators aren’t working?’, and I tried to make myself seem innocent by saying ‘sorry Sir, I had no idea…’ That would be bad enough, but then he notices my meds next to me. He then asks ‘what are they?’ I would have to admit ‘they’re… antipsychotics, Sir…’ The officer continues: ‘If they’re not working properly, could you end up with clouded judgement?’ Again, I’d have to admit: ‘Yes’. How’s that going to make me look? I’ll tell you: It will make me look crazy because after a brief observation by the cop, my dashboard would clearly show my flashy signs aren’t working. Consequently, I may never drive again. Anyway, I saw sense and got my vehicle looked at, not so far from where I live.

The mechanic gave me two options; he said ‘you can leave your car with me, and I’ll see what I can do. However, I’m not sure that I can do anything’, and he said ‘alternatively, you can drive to a local town, get a new lightbulb and have it fitted’. Choices, choices. Well the first option would be the quickest but riskiest and the second one would take longer, but was more likely to be effective. Like a hardcore thrill-seeker at a casino, I took the first option. The worker then said he’ll take an hour or so to remove my bumper and all that stuff. To pass the time, I chose to walk to the nearest charity shop to get some music/DVDs/both. I also needed to get some cash for my services. It’s nice to pay upfront (well upfront-ish), isn’t it?

To my surprise I saw ‘A Crow Left of the Murder’ by Incubus on sale. That would be my fourth or even fifth CD from the same band and from the same establishment. What the hell is wrong with Incubus? I can’t get into the mindset of someone who just gives their precious things away. I don’t really understand people selling them. There are winners and losers, I suppose - I have a welcome addition to my CD collection, someone else is going through some kind of mental breakdown. I’ll test out my ‘new’ DVDs later. For whatever reason they’re a lottery, too. Some perfectly looked after discs play on my DVD player, some don’t. I’d be lying if I said I understood the device. And why do I have to hit it so the tray opens? Is battering DVD players to make them work specialist knowledge? Does it get taught in electrical store staff training days? I for one, don’t know but I hope it does. Can you imagine an employee telling you to hit their new merchandise?

Anyway, after maybe 45 minutes, I arrived back at the mechanic’s. The gamble paid off - everything was fine! (At least for now, the worker explained). Not only did I have to pay £10 less than the original charge, which was nice, the man also said that he turned the car radio on for me. I didn’t know what that meant as I knew how to turn it on, and I didn’t even want it on, but an apparently strange good deed is still a good deed, so I simply said ‘thank you’. How did the drive to the hospital to get my brain aides go, after I typed the prior up? Do the words ‘God dammit’ give you any clue? My lights messed up on one turn a little by flashing inconsistently. It was still clear which direction I was going, I didn’t have to resort to signalling with my arms, but still… £30 wasted. Yep. Just what the mechanic warned. On the other hand… Good blog material. I will shortly be leaving for London Bridge, where I will be having a script of mine read out. You can find it on my site, it’s called ‘The Reunion’. I’ll tell you how that goes next paragraph, but for now… Bye!

The performance then: Is it arrogance to count how many laughs you get, or could the counting be considered much needed analysis? Sounds like it could be the former, right? Which was why I didn’t use my fingers to do the adding up in front of everyone. I knew I’d get feedback anyway, so that was another reason not to go ‘power narcissistic’. The comments I got were mostly pretty good, but apparently the ending wasn’t as funny as the rest. In my defence, you don’t really have to be funny ALL the time - that can be annoying. I mean, what would you think of a guy at a party who told a joke or two? A really fun person, right? But how would you feel about a person who told gags CONSTANTLY? He’d drive you crazy, wouldn’t he? So basically, my criticisms were wrong. Ok that’s all from me. I guess the grape reviews I hinted at earlier will be for another time. Bye!!