Rugby Finals!! :O :D :O (Blog 163)

Today I’ll be blogging about the rugby finals between England and some other country that doesn’t matter because they’re going to lose. It will be quite a journey. Again, not really exciting as it will be like watching a film where you know what happens, but there’s nothing wrong with viewing a classic flick more than once, is there? I’m not saying I know EXACTLY what will go down, though. Maybe a couple of people will be concussed… I’m just feeling a couple of people will get head injuries… Hm. Don’t know why.

Here goes! Two minutes and 53 seconds into the match and something interesting has happened! What could it be? Read on!

2:53… … : An Englishman gets concussed and has to leave the pitch! That must be annoying for him. The biggest moment of his life, over in seconds. It’s admirable the way he exited with so much dignity though. A lesser man would insist on continuing with the match. A bit of a double edged sword there. Part of me wants England to win with healthy athletes, but the other wants to see the players look drunk. Just for the sake of the game being a little different. Never mind. Hang on, I’ve just realised my vision is coming true… :O

9:02: South Africa scores three points. Well done. And you know what the worst thing is? I can’t use the argument the English team weren’t functioning properly. Unfortunately I have to pee as a matter of urgency. Hopefully I won’t miss anything significant.

(I didn’t).

14:45: I’ve just noticed something strange in the top left corner of the TV screen. ‘Eng 0 - 3 RSA’? England are playing Russia? That’s what it looks like. It doesn’t sound right to me though. Hm. Anyway, maybe it’s not so bad losing to Russians. They have a reputation for being pretty manly. Even their president is. Boris Johnson needs to learn kung fu in my opinion, so he can take him on, if need be. Ohhh, I’m guessing RSA stands for the Republic of South Africa. That makes sense and rings a bell. Unless it stands for Raging South Africans which also makes sense. They really are going for the Brits.

21:36: Now a South African is concussed. And I thought all the players had to worry about was funny looking ears. How wrong I was. Oh my God. My vision has now completely come true!! Now all I have to do is wait for the good old limeys to take the gold!

22:13: Ha! Take that Rubbish South Africans, England has equalised! Take that! Take that!

25:16: Redeeming South Africa have got another three points. How about that? Now give up and go home. Save us all time. Many of us have got work to do. You don’t think you have a chance do you? They don’t call me Psychic Simon for no reason. Sure they don’t call me Psychic Simon at all, nor Simon the Great or Simon the Awesome as I do want people to refer to me as, but hey. Go home.

33:33: Nothing happens, but a nice number. It’s a shame I missed 22:22 and especially 11:11, but we all make mistakes. Sorry.

34:25: England equalise! How exciting.

38:18: I’m really losing my patience, Reckless South Africa. Why reckless? Because if you score another 3 points, I’ll mock you through blog. You like that?

42:11: Eng 6, RSA 12?? I warning you! You bellends!

45:32: Another 3 points to Rapacious (‘greedy’ according to an online thesaurus) SA. That means England are going to completely turn the game around. You know what that reminds me of? You know how you just know that a thriller movie will always turn out ok in the end, even though the odds are completely stacked against the characters? That’s what’s happening here. I’m surprised RSA aren’t getting thrashed though.

51:07: Told you everything would be ok. Eng scored another three. The rugby player certainly took his time and concentrated during the kick for goal. I know it could have ruined Eng’s chances of winning, but I was praying the Brit player next to the footer would shout ‘boo!!’ as he went for the shot. I’d just laugh, that’s all.

54:23: England missed their penalty kick and no one even shouted ‘boo!’ :(

57:09: Ok, Eng 9, RSA 18. Basically England are going to lose. Whoops. Brain mishap, earlier I guess.

59:03: England have another 3 points! :O They’re still going to lose though. I prophesied there would be two concussions and I’m happy with that. Yes, I’m glad the players were concussed. Joking of course. But I was right.

65:59: Nooooooooooooo.

66:00: Nooooooooo.

66:01: Ok, NOW England have really lost. Why not go down in style and do something outrageous? Maybe England could start working for the other team. How else will they go down in history? The British players should basically just start beating each other up, too. Remember, it’s not a crime if you only hit your own members. I think that’s how it works. And these people get dragged to the floor and rammed into all the time. They probably enjoy it.

73:20: England are losing even harder. You know what? Blog over. I’m just going to do my second/third/whatever drafts now. Do you think I care if England get a few extra points? Nope. Bye!