Brother’s Wacky Wedding! (Blog 165)

As you may have guessed from the title, my brother had a wacky wedding recently. On Saturday, to be precise. Not only that, his baby daughter, friends, fiancé, her family, me and my dad went to a restaurant beforehand and stuff like that. All will be explained. I will be breaking this blog down into different sections to make things easier to read (and write) and as you may or may not have suspected, I will be noting events down in the order they happened. Let’s go!

Friday - Driving to Devon…

You’d think a three and a half hour drive to a cottage where me and my dad would be staying for three days would be good blog material. I’ve blogged about one hour journeys many times previously. I guess the difference here is my dad mostly knew what he was doing on the road and who really cares about that? It’s just boring when everything goes right. ‘Come on, you must have seen loads of things worth mentioning?’ Not really, although I did notice several stop points where you can call the police in an emergency. ‘SOS’ was written in them, short for ‘Save Our Souls’. A bit melodramatic, don’t you think? Who sees a car crash and says that? It would be very inappropriate, if not offensive.

I also went passed Stone Henge which was perhaps even more of enigma. Why was it there? How was it built and more interestingly, why doesn’t a vandal looking for attention knock it over? It’s not exactly well guarded. I like the rustic aesthetics of it, so maybe that’s why others leave it alone. (Because they like it too, not because I do, if that’s what you were thinking I was saying). It’s just a theory, but if you don’t want someone to attack your car for example, make sure you wash it frequently so it looks nice.

Yes, my psychological hypothesis is that people subconsciously destroy things they don’t like the look of. They can’t help themselves, it’s like a magnet being attracted to steel. However, if someone touches MY car, they’re going to jail. It’s just the law. Anyway, after about three hours of driving I felt institutionalised in my own dad’s BMW. I was thinking ‘God, I don’t care anymore.’ So again, watch out anyone after my car. How’s twenty years in jail going to feel? I’m warning you. Having said that, when I did finally arrive at my rented cottage, I didn’t really want to go back, so I guess things weren’t so bad. But they did feel that way.

Do you know what WAS bad? The pathway-like road to the collection of other rented abodes. To say it was treacherous would be putting it very mildly. How do I say this without swearing? Well use your imagination. Basically it was scary. It must have been the first time I was two (if that) meters from a cliff edge in a car. No barriers, not even a cheap wooden fence. You’d think the service industry would take better care of its customers. Dead clients, no money. What’s worse was my dad left me alone in his vehicle for a while as he went to get directions. It’s not hard to forget to put the handbrake on, is it?

Still Friday - Devon!

Once me and my dad got to our new modest house (my brother, his wife to be, etc. were staying in a five star hotel -_- ), I had a pee. For the first time in a while. That was enough to cheer me up. As I pointed out a few months ago, if you’re prone to constipation, be prepared to whizz like crazy. I had a bit of time to kill before going to the pre-wedding restaurant with my brother’s group, so I did some rough, handwritten blogging and retro gaming on a Nintendo DS. My game of choice (my only game, called ‘F-Zero’)… now how can I put this without swearing… was hard as (again, use your imagination). I was concentrating so hard on racing for half an hour or so, I could barely think properly when finished. Perhaps proof that hardcore playing is bad for you. Still though, nimble fingers and alert brain. Pros and cons, right?

Eventually bored, I had a look around the building. Interestingly I found a CD by the ultra-obscure band, simply called ‘Latin Group’. I couldn’t get the CD player to work (because I didn’t try), so I may never know if the music is more creative than the title. I soon went back to more gaming and discovered an interesting glitch where I went backwards in my hover car for ages and didn’t lose any places. So that’s something you want to sort out, Toshiyuki. (Is that his name? The game credits go by pretty fast).

STILL Friday - Restaurant No. 1…

The first restaurant my whole family/family friends went to was a little weird. It was more like a house. A lesser man could easily wonder where all the food came from, as it is natural to imagine the kitchen to be as small as the dining room, lobby, etc. To be honest, the building messed with me a bit, too. Still though, how interesting. As there wasn’t too much food to choose from (just like in a normal home :S), I ordered vegetables for my starter. Long story short, I didn’t eat them, though the sauce that went with the greens was pretty good. Maybe a bit weird just to eat sauce, but hey.

My main course of chicken was much better. I had a strategy in mind: Eat it so quickly, there would be no time for anyone to ask for some. The plan went beautifully. Not only did I not have to give anything away, my not-so-wise and prepared dad offered me some of his lamb, which I was more than happy to eat. A rookie mistake. Like most of the other diners, I had an alcoholic drink. Not a problem, I’m old enough, but what about my dad? He had to drive back in the dark, up a road of quite literal death. He may have not been over the limit, but any amount of alcohol is a troubling thought for such a situation. On a lighter note, my cheesecake was very nice. Yum.

Saturday - Pre Wedding Stuff…

The next day in the cottage, there was bit of time to kill before the wedding and the wedding restaurant stuff. More gaming took place. After that, I noticed there was a guestbook you can write in, to say how good/bad your stay was. Could I be mischievous and write something like ‘Please God help me!!’ with my own blood? Or maybe I could ask ‘Why did I find a severed arm in a drawer?’ Perhaps fortunately, I thought better of it and went back to my mini Nintendo.

Saturday Continued - The Wedding!!

We all met up and were greeted by a woman who was involved with doing the wedding in some way. But before all the marrying business, we were sent to a room filled with cakes and wine. When everyone was less hungry we were moved to a more scenic room, where my brother and his wife to be gave their vows. (That was all very gooey, if not disgusting). A photographer photoed us watching the spectacle as deep down, we waited for more wine and cake. Then we were sent to another building filled with the food, as promised. It was pretty small looking on the outside, and at first I suspected it was made of plastic. I’m glad it wasn’t though. More photos were taken, but this time people were just a little more bloated.

For whatever reason - I don’t know if this is traditional for such celebrations - we were invited to feed some alpacas. Why? Why not, I suppose. I was a bit annoyed at them because after I gave them my gift, they were a little aggressive to me, and looked like they wanted to headbutt me. >:( Then we had some more cake and wine, before being sent to a small a dining room seating only my family. But what to do before our meals were ready? Have some more cake and wine. Eventually, I got a salmon starter. Even though I’m not a huge fish fan, it will always top veg. A very tender and delicious lamb dish followed and a white chocolate dessert followed that. Then we all had some more cake and wine.

We were soon given gift bags by my thoughtful brother. I got some Ferrero Rocher amongst other things. Dear God my diet was unhealthy that day, he must have known I wouldn’t be able to help myself. We all (apart from me - not going to happen) danced to all sorts of music that was played on Amazon Alexa. My choice of music was a song by the old thrash band ‘Slayer’. I head banged to it so hard, the following day I would find my neck was injured a bit. Not exactly a normal wedding song but again not a normal wedding. Don’t fret though, a traditional fireworks display was enjoyed by the Wiedemanns, immediately outside the building. Thousands of pounds of rockets must have been set off. I later found out I was watching a display for someone else, but who cares? Lastly, after more you know what everyone went home at around 1:30 AM. So yeah, the twelve hours were basically a massive wine and cake binge if that wasn’t clear enough, already.

Sunday - Wedding Aftermath…

You’d think the following day would be terrible, right? You’d expect me to be sick everywhere? Not so. Why? Maybe it was because of my super-comfy bed. It really was very nice. What was the journey home like? Kind of like the one to Devon, but in reverse. Satisfyingly logical. The only thing worth mentioning was a signpost saying ‘next service station (or something like that) one mile and 13 miles’. Why not just say 14 miles? What a silly world, right? Okay, then, that’s it from me, bye!!!