A Random Sunday (Blog 597)

Oh no, I’ve only done three blogs this month?? Let’s put that right now and do another diary! It will be a little depressing for me maybe, as I don’t really like describing how boring my life is in detail for several hours, but… I’m stuck. I guess I’ll have to say something that pulls you in right away…

8:52: I woke up. Not particularly interesting, although it is something we can all relate to.

9:12: Emails and such have all been checked. Wow, 20 solid minutes of checking, I must have lots of contacts. Nope, there wasn’t a single email or message that was truly for me. My mobile takes ages to turn on and off too and again, no messages. Posting my joke of the day on Twitter and Wix was more productive, I’ve just listed all my jokes on my site already.

9:16: My casual cyberstalking has finished. Four minutes isn’t THAT bad, right?

9:19: I poured myself a cup of water. Again, we’ve all been there, no?

9:20: I watched Youtube whilst eating Chinese leftovers! A while ago, I Googled why food tastes better the following day and was given a reason, but it couldn’t have been that interesting as I’ve forgotten it. Something to do with the ingredients settling or something? I don’t know.

9:34: Food finished! However, I was eating on and off, meaning it wasn’t a hardcore binge. Is that a term used in psychiatry? Hardcore binge? How about very mild binge? Well, in my case it was the latter. At this time, I also started watching more Youtube. One channel said the Sega Master System is still popular in Brazil! It’s 40 years old! I asked A.I. if it was still being produced and it is BUT with games already built in, which I found disappointing. I think it’s the longest running console in the world! Shame it’s not very good.

9:30: I put rubbish in the bin. I’m finding it hard to elaborate on that.

10:10: I tried joke writing to pass the time as I waited for my dad to come home from walking the dog, then I’d be going grocery shopping with him! Turns out ‘Froggy weather’ is an existing punchline of mine, I knew it was.

10:13: ‘De gust ted’ sounds like an original punchline. Something about the wind being taken away from teddy bears…

10:15: No time to finish the joke, I’m going shopping with my dad, now! Let’s charge my mouse up, its battery is very impressive! it just needs to be connected to my computer for a few minutes a week and job done! And people are saying there’s an energy crisis…

10:58: I’m back! Time to eat more food (on and off) and watch more Youtube!

11:11: I’m doing more of the same, but with a killer looking time (on a digital clock, anyway). I know it looks like I’m lazing around but come on, this is the day of rest! I won’t be going to the gym, either.

11:35: Time to wash and brush teeth! What can I say? Very good…

11:43: All done. Now I’ll have a 2 minute break before working! Let’s get some more water!

11:45: It’s time to start my proofreading of yesterday’s monologue at a reasonably round time!

11:50: All proofed now and with no mistakes to be found, now it’s time to post it on Wix! Also, I’m wondering if I’m a good advert for the company… I mean the site is simple enough to use, but A.I. said my webpage looks like it was designed by a child!

11:54: It’s all posted, let’s have a break and try and think of some jokes! Ideally jokes I haven’t written already.

12:07: Ooh, I’ve never used the ‘vamp hire’ punchline. However, I have used the ‘vamp eyer’ punchline so I’ll leave that idea alone.

12:09: Ooh, ‘disser peer’ seems to be new. As in ‘why did your insulting friend vanish? He was a disser peer. No that’s not good grammar. How about ‘why was your insulting friend the act of vanishing? He was a disser peer?’ Well, I have a good few days to work on it.

12:15: Now I’ll concentrate more on this blog! First up, I have to tidy up the prior material as it’s almost as incomprehensible as my handwriting. It will also be good to make the earlier writing less matter of fact. For example right now it says ‘8:52: I woke up’. Not gripping blogging, but that level of writing could just about scrape a pass in the BTEC course I did in college.

12:34:56: Yes! I spotted the time just in time and clicked on Youtube video at that precise moment! It wasn’t even a video I was interested it, but lucky Youtuber, right???

13:06: Right, it’s all tidied up and improved! Now I can finish the joke about the windy teddy bear! Ok, ‘Why was the windless teddy bear outraged? It was de-gust-ted.’

13:11: Now I’ll put my washed bedclothes on my bed. It sounds easy but I ordered the wrong mattress cover size by accident, so it’s actually really hard. Putting my duvet in its cover is annoying as well.

13:16: All done! Now what to say? You know what? I think I should go for a short(ish) walk just to have something to write about. The last time I checked, a road near Chobham Common was closed, so I won’t be going there.

14:15: I’m back! Right, here’s something to do whilst walking through fields: Pretend the blades of grass are trees, then when you look up to real trees, they seem absolutely huge! Annoyingly, as I walked I trod on my shoelaces twice so I had to do them up you guessed it, twice. I’ll say it again, the double bow is the superior knot for shoes. I only used a single bow in my walkies because I wanted to save time when I got home and undo the single knots with one pull. You just can’t do that with the double knot, that’s the whole point. I guess I got cocky and didn’t walk with my feet far enough apart. That’s basically all I have to say about the walk. A little bit boring maybe, which is why I resorted to using my imagination regarding the trees. Is ‘Hill airy’ the punchline of one of my existing jokes? Yep. Darn. After the ramble, I drove to the place where I get my monthly blood tests. Ah memories. Having said that, in ten years time that won’t be a joke, I’d actually mean that. Well, I partly drove for the sake of it, I also drove to check if a road had been closed there.

14:31: Ok, that’s the mini outing typed up, now what to say? Maybe I should leave Hilary alone and stop basing jokes on her?

14:34: Let’s get some more water.

14:36: I know, I’ll put You’d Prefer an Astronaut by Hum on. As that’s a special album, I will of course have to shut my window so I can hear the music better. A price I have to pay.

14:40: I sorted two emails for Metal Rules. It took about 5 seconds, but it was something to do. Speaking of MR, yesterday my boss asked me if I wanted to review an album for him. It features 21 songs! It’s going to take ages. I still yes though, out of politeness.

14:45: I guess I can eat some of yesterday’s prawn crackers. Mm.

14:47: Oh wow, a Hum song goes ‘She thinks she missed the train to Mars’. I respect that, most people wouldn’t date a person so mentally ill. She’s looking dead as well? The dream woman. Well, maybe she’s not mentally ill, that kind of behaviour is fairly typical of an INFP.

14:54: I say the album is special, ‘The Very Old Man’ is arguably filler. I couldn’t remember what the song was called, so I searched for it on Wikipedia. I could have checked my physical CD, but I don’t want to crack it. You can’t crack Wikipedia, so I think it’s more than reasonable you donate just £2 to the site. That’s all they ask.

15:01: Oh God, A.I. said Fawlty Towers has been cancelled, again. I never knew elderly people like John Cleese could be so overly dramatic and self-contradictory.

15:08: Here’s a thought: If there will never be another Fawtly Towers, will there at very least be a moon base? Ooh, it could be coming in 2032? It could be nuclear powered in 2036?? Fine, but please don’t put nuclear weapons on the moon, the whole point of travelling space and setting up new settlements is to SAVE humanity. I mean how paranoid would you feel if such weapons on the moon were a number one priority? Because I’d be scared.

15:23: Ah, the album is over now. Very sad, but now of course I can open my window again. Here’s a fun fact to keep the mood positive: You know when you click your fingers? Your thumb travels 20 mph! I’ll get some more water, too!

15:25: Let’s eat a banana, maybe it will balance out all the unhealthy food I’ve eaten today…

15:29: Let’s Google how much the Royal Guards get paid, because it looks like they do absolutely nothing… Oh, I misunderstood what Royal Guards are, I thought they were the people who stand in silence by Buckingham Palace. How much do THEY get paid? Oh forget it.

15:33: You know what? It’s TOO breezy if anything, I think I’ll shut my window again.

15:52: I haven’t thought of much to say, but I have been listening to music not muffled by the wind… That’s particularly important when listening to early Testament, as that is one fuzzy distortion, it’s kinda muffled already…

16:01: To mix things up, I think I’ll listen to a song about a black dragon. Can you guess the title? That’s right, ‘Black Dragon’! It could sound like a reference to drugs but don’t worry, I really do think it’s literally about a black dragon! I know I’ve said I take song lyrics too literally, but let’s find out right now… Ok, the words go ‘Son of twilight lord of shadows, caress of the moonlight.’ That does SOUND like it could be about drugs, let’s see what comes after those words, the chorus will probably give me some clues. Right ‘Black dragon fly high, regain your past. Lost in the fire, the fire of hate’. I don’t know, that could refer to drugs too, I guess. Well to me, it’s about a dragon.

16:13: Let’s get some more water…

16:20: And on that bombshell, let’s give the whole blog a read and edit if necessary!

16:38: First whole proof done, not looking too bad! Let’s do another!

16:47: All done I think wooooo!