A Saturday Diary, This Time! (Blog 608)

8:40: Got out of bed and noticed the foggy weather out of my windows. Well, it’s either fog or the fireworks got out of control, the day before!

8:56: I noticed a super cool ad on my site of a toy transforming. I wanted to click on it but I’d get demonitized for fraud. AdSense really hate people trying to earn money through clicking their own ads!

9:05: All my emails and such have been checked. Could have done it quicker, could have done it slower. The problem was I had the TV on in the background and on the program, a WW2 soldier was unusually old, distracting me…

9:09: This time I got the morning’s cyber stalking done in four minutes. A one minute improvement!

9:13: Finished shaving. I would have used an old razor, but I wasn’t 100% sure if my dad used it before hand. You never know, he may have some kind of infection I don’t know about and I don’t want to get involved with. So I used a new razor. Speaking of shaving, you may have noticed I shaved yesterday, too! (You may have noticed if you’re a stalker, I mean). But I only shave every two days! Well, as I’m getting a haircut later, I thought to myself ‘let’s go the whole way and shave as well’. My brother talked about his plans to go to a fireworks show yesterday, but of course he didn’t go in the end, as I shaved.

9:17: Finished watching a Youtube short about Yngwie Malmsteen.

9:29: Finished proofreading my latest apology. I’m so sorry, David Attenborough. :( Could have proofread it quicker, could have done it slower. This time there was no TV, I was just lazy. I also spent a few minutes spying on my dad as he walked the dog.

9:34: Apology all posted on my webpage!

9:44: This blog has been proofread, now it’s time to get a cup of water! I could also drink my daily Actimel, but I’ll save it for later. Why? You’ll have to wait and see! :O Speaking of Actimel, it claims it boosts your vitamin D levels. I once joked that if I don’t take my vitamin supplements, my bones would break. On self-reflection, I’ve realised some people may have taken that seriously. I get it, it was an odd thing to joke about. Still though, it is possible for my bones to break, just like everyone else. I wonder how helpful such vitamins are. Surely they don’t make you superhuman?

9:52: My dad’s back and I spied on him again. Also, I’ve just looked out the window, and there appears to be a young boy who keeps walking laps around my street. Ok, I’ve only counted two laps, but I’ll be on the lookout for more. I think I saw him do that the other day, too.

10:00: Watched a Youtube short featuring someone with some rather out-there theories on society, I didn’t understand or believe.

10:04: Finished watching a funnier Youtube short. In it, the comedian said that he got off a plane moments before takeoff because he couldn’t be bothered to go on holiday. Wow, that’s crazy. However, on second viewing I realised I misheard what he said. At first I thought he said he got ON a plane moments before takeoff which is a much wilder story. It actually sounds criminal and not something to joke about.

10:10: Ok, I haven’t yet seen a third lap. Maybe the boy got bored.

10:12: Let’s put some music on as I visit the Youtube again, but what song exactly?? Can’t go wrong with Hammerfall, I suppose. I read that their Glory to the Brave album alone led a musical revolution and got power metal popular again. However, I later read it sold 100,000 copies. If a Youtuber can count that high without getting bored, maybe it’s not such a big number, really. Before watching the music video, I saw an advert featuring a man with ‘a passion for coffee’. I on the other hand don’t have a passion for coffee as it makes me mentally ill, explaining my planned online username ‘Cafephobe’. I’ll use it one day, even though no one will know what I mean.

10:35: Ah yes, I’ve just thought what to say! There’s a guy who goes to the London Comedy Writers meeting who has published his super funny cartoon on the tube. He assumed no one would listen to his plug? Nope, I did. I hope to talk to him about his video and ask if he wants me to show it on my site. Then I’d have a friend!

10:44: Let’s get some more water!

11:00: Time to leave for the hairdresser! I’ll also be withdrawing some money from a cash machine to pay the person. I could have done that yesterday to get it out of the way, but I saved it today, simply to have something to blog about. I’ll also be getting some food.

12:00: I’m back after taking the long route home! And the long route was enjoyed!

12:10: Various foods eaten and sugary Actimel enjoyed, let’s just watch another short Youtube video.

12:15: Ok, now I’ll brush my teeth (and such and such).

12:23: Finished and such. I could have brushed my teeth earlier, but I thought it made more sense to delay things a bit and brush after eating. That makes it tactical teeth cleaning. And there was me thinking the ‘tactical hoodie’ I’ve seen advertised on Youtube sounded silly. And now you’ll get an explanation as to why I had the Actimel later: It’s because they’re sugary and I don’t want them to stain my teeth! Again, tactical.

12:26: And now here’s my mini blog about the trip out, earlier! The cash withdrawal went well (worth pointing out, as it has stolen my credit card in the past), the fact someone let me go in front of them made the withdrawal go really well. In the nearby shop, I noticed they had a special donut I’ve never tried before and it may just be in my imagination, but I think the Bounty recipe has been improved, so I bought one of them as well. Then I drove the short route to the barber! Nothing much to say about that, other than he cut my hair and he seemed to ignore a text message whilst cutting, making me feel special. At least I think it was a mobile jingle, anyway. Having said that, he didn’t seem to answer the text as I left, so maybe he just didn’t really care. Oh yes, and on the drive back, I noticed a numberplate almost saying ‘Vicky’. It’s like me spelling my name ’Spmon’, it’s close enough.

12:32: Now it’s time to proofread again!

12:34:56: You didn’t really think I was going to ignore this time, did you? Now back to proofreading.

12:42: Proofreading finished! Oh if only if finished on a cool number, like the one shown before. Now, I’ll listen to Joe Satriani’s ‘Shapeshifter’ album! I actually wrote parts of a review for this LP in my head for something to do, but sadly it will never be published on Metal Rules as the album came out years ago, now. I could post the review on my site, but I’m not sure how interested readers will be when I point out how the album is darker than usual for Joe and how the album features relatively little shredding. Is that funny? No, not really, it’s just informative. But I enjoyed the review at very least. Ah yes, and it’s worth pointing out that the first song on the album has one of the least creative drum intros I’ve heard in my life.

12:55: I’ve just realised ‘discarded’ sounds like ‘dis-gaurded’! That was a word perhaps triggered by me looking at a CD in my collection and wondering if it should really be there. On second thoughts, maybe I’ll listen to Berlioz one day. But not now. An impulsive charity shop buy, I guess. Anyway, is there a joke about stopping guarding something, there? Let’s give it a try! Whatever the case, I’m not expecting the gag to be one of my best.

13:00: I’ve watched the news headlines, now back to my joke.

13:03: ‘Why was the man thrown away after his body guard was thrown away? He was dis-guarded.’ No, that’s rubbish and I’m not adding it to my joke collection.

13:06: Let’s do some Facebook scrolling… Oh wow, I came across this riddle in the site: ‘If you drop a yellow hat into the red sea, what does it become?’ Can you guess? It certainly had me stumped. Well, it becomes wet! No, that’s really the answer to the riddle, it’s the kind of thing a child would say! It has millions of valid answers, it would also be lost, missed, fish food, etc. You never know though, maybe the real reason I’m so annoyed is because I never solved the riddle for myself. Here’s another riddle: ‘What has four legs in the morning, two at noon, and three in the evening? A human’. No, I don’t NOT change the amount of legs I have during the day. I’m not exactly annoyed I didn’t solve THAT, it’s just I don’t even understand the answer!

13:17: It’s time to let the riddles go.

13:18: Let’s stay super hydrated and get some more water. Sorry Joe, I’ll have to pause your slightly darker than usual album. Well, I say it’s darker than usual, it’s not as dark as Darren Housholder’s ‘Generator Man’, an album I also reviewed in my head. What’s wrong with the programmed drums? It spoils the whole album!

13:37: Speaking of Mr. Housholder, now I’ll listen to him and his excellently-drummed debut album after getting some more water. And the riff in song ‘Pedal to the Metal’? Superb. I also like the guitar melody of ‘Stand Yer Ground’. As pointed out recently, I don’t like it when others make mistakes as I worry I’ll copy them. So if you ever see me write something like ‘yer, not going to like this, but yer’ve been making mistakes’ in the future, you’ll know why. Dammit, Darren! There is a film about prison called ‘Animol’ which I guess kinda makes sense as prisoners are often illiterate. I’ll let that one go, in fact you could even call the name clever… Unless maybe the film maker is illiterate too? In which case, that only makes the film more ‘real’, so that’s clever as well.

14:15: Ooh, I’ve just noticed how a Darren lick in the album is similar to one of Marty Friedman’s! Not surprising really, as both guitarists have played thousands of licks. If I was reviewing the album for Metal Rules, would I mention the lick? Probably not, no.

14:21: You know what, I think I’ve given that CD enough plays for now, it’s time for some more Michael Jackson! Just let me get some more water, first. Again, I should make it clear I’m  drinking from cups and not bottles. Bottles really would be too much, it would suggest I’ve eaten too many sugary and new donuts and have finally got diabetes. And there was me thinking going to the gym was enough. :( But so called ‘healthy’ fruits are sugary, too! Mind blown. :S

14:45: Right, time to do another proofread, then I’ll be having a well earned rest by watching TV AND lying in bed (one of the snuggest combinations I know of) then I’ll go to the gym and THEN I’ll get a curry!! Sorry Michael, but I’m going to have to proofread in silence, otherwise it will be more of a skim. :(

14:58: Ooh, I’ve finished proofreading two minutes earlier than planned! Blog over, I guess!