Another Random Diary! (Blog 604)

I’ve only done one blog so far in this month (and it’s not even a real blog anyway, it was about Matt again), so I thought it would be good to do at least something. What could that something be? How about another diary! Furthermore, I’ll be going to the dentist tomorrow and I will of course soon be going to Staines to celebrate getting the dentist out of the way. Unless I see my brother’s family maybe, but I doubt I will be as I will be shaving next Sunday. Now let’s go!

8:40: Got out of bed. Impressive really, as I went to bed a bit later than usual!

9:05: Emails checked, jokes posted, etc. One of the most boring parts of the day. I had Everyone Loves Raymond on my TV in the background to cheer me up.

9:13: Finished topping up my mobile. I had The Simpsons on in the background to cheer me up. It took a while as my mobile is old and takes ages to turn on. It went well, but I was given the option of sharing my PIN code or not by an automated voice. Not sure why that would be a problem…

9:17: I phoned my house number with my mobile to check if it’s still working. It is! Going to Staines to celebrate topping up my phone successfully sounds a little weirder than celebrating getting my dentist appointment out of the way, but actually I am kinda buzzing right now…

9:19: Poured myself a glass of water…

9:20: Time to eat Papa John’s left overs AND and some of (no actually most of) garlic pizza stick sides! I could point out how much I eat, but it could suggest I have some kind of problem. Not so, I’m just very hungry after pushing it to the max at the gym the last few days. Let’s eat the pizza to Youtube videos as I’ve seen the Simpsons episode before. Also, it was a ‘best of’ show with no new material. What a rollercoaster of a day.

9:23: A.I. has given me a suggestion as to what to call this blog. ‘Mobile Top-up Log 8/40.’ That’s more dull than intelligent. I like Blog 604 more. Now let’s eat my pizza!

9:45: Spilled water on my desk! Not my computer keyboard though, that must never happen again.

10:05: Finished eating pizza and watching Youtube (the ratio of nomming and watching will have to remain a mystery for you), now it’s time to go shopping with my dad!

10:50: I’m back and now it’s time for more either sporadic or full blown eating. (None of your business).

11:11: Finished eating, once more. Ok, ok, it wasn’t that full blown. At the same time I could have eaten less. Nice number, too. One of the best. Now I’ll just watch Youtube without eating.

11:20: Time to brush my teeth and stuff…

11:27: All done, now let’s watch more YouTube without eating!

11:45: Time to proofread my latest interview, whilst eating the occasional date! Contrary to what you may be expecting, I’ve actually been losing weight, recently. I’m kind of on a less extreme version of the Butterfield diet, if you don’t know what that is, you can find it on Youtube. Only joking, it’s not like that at all. But that’s what you could assume!

11:48: Ok, I’ll start proofreading now I mean, I wanted to watch a Youtube clip about the worst towns in Berkshire. In university, a friend kept going on about the worst places to live and it’s never really left me.

11:57: Posted! Speaking of my interview, in it I pointed out how I didn’t understand my AdSense message. I guess I KINDA understand what it means now and I THINK I’m fine, the thing is, when I first read it, I panicked and therefore couldn’t concentrate properly. I’m not going to lie, I still don’t understand it THAT much, but I’m not going to worry. Anyway, now it’s time to laze around and watch more of that video describing rough parts of the country whilst eating more dates. Brilliant! Not blogging or indeed any kind of work in the traditional sense, but maybe it will be if I describe the dates in greater detail. They’re pretty good! Oh wow, the commentator said ‘not sure where the beach is in Bracknell’. It’s by the sea! Hm, Google says there is no Bracknell beach, so either the commentator is an idiot or I misheard. The latter is perhaps the most likely explanation.

12:13: Almost all the dates are gone now… I’m still enjoying the video as well. Wow, Slough looks miserable and the commentator agrees.

12:20: I’ll just proofread my prior writing and then drive to the dentist. ‘But Simon! Your appointment is tomorrow!’ Yes, it is tomorrow and I know exactly how to get there (with the help of satnav) as I’ve been there countless times before, but what if the route has changed? You never know! Having said that, I hope the route hasn’t changed as my satnav hasn’t been updated in several years, and there is a small chance I could be sent the wrong directions and crash into a building or river.

12:34:56: I’ve just watched the best time of day on my computer clock. I’m on a huge high but will have to wait a while to get the same buzz again.

12:43: Proofreading took a little longer than expected but as my phone has been topped up AND I’ve seen a super cool time, I could be feeling worse.

12:45: The 9th and last date has been eaten, now let’s go for a drive!

13:30: I’m back! The drive to the dentist wasn’t too bad, though I did get beeped at so now my 12:34:56 buzz is really gone. You live and learn. On the way back, I stopped off at my infant school just to look around (whilst still in my car). I’ve had numerous dreams where I wander around the school, trespassing, my most recent one was about 4 days ago. In the dream, I was caught by a teacher looking through the old notes about me in an office and was angrily told to get out. It sounds a bit dodgy hanging around a school, but of course it was only on a Sunday so it didn’t really matter. I didn’t hang around long though, as people were watching me. On the drive back home, I saw a numberplate saying ‘EFC’ which of course is Fmaj7 no 3rd, 3rd inversion. The day before I saw EBF which I believe is E5 add b9. A horrible chord and therefore a horrible numberplate.

13:48: Kinda wondering what to say… Ah yes, I’m listening to Chris Poland’s solo album, which is like instrumental thrash metal combined with jazz fusion. Weird, huh? So when you hear people say all guitar albums sound the same, you can point out his ‘Return to Metropolis’ LP and prove them wrong. The next time I review such an album for Metal Rules, I may well do that, I’ve been wanting to do so for a damn long time. There are definitely some rather strong feelings on my part. It’s also an album title I relate to as I return to metropolis myself every two weeks. In fact, Google says London is a MAJOR metropolis. Oh, if only the album was called ‘Bi-weekly return to Major Metropolis’. Then I’d really feel like I fit in.

13:55: I’m still hungry to be honest. Time for some high-end Tortillas bought earlier. Special Doritos, if you will.

14:00:00: Oh wow, I looked at my computer clock at the exact moment of that super round time. The buzz is back.

14:07: I still don’t know what to write. I was going to watch more Youtube and comment on that but no, I want to listen to the album. The problem is I’ve told you what genre it is already. Maybe I could point it out again as it is rather unusual.

14:20:00: Let’s get more tortillas! More water, too. The contrasts in my diet health-wise are extreme.

14:30: I’m watching a video about Brixton which isn’t quite as interesting as the previous video (Brixton isn’t rough enough). If anything, the advert I saw was better as it featured a regular from the London Comedy Writers meeting.

14:44:41: Another stellar number. I was in a bit of a hurry to click on a Youtube video at that very same time, just in the chance the video creator would end up noticing somehow, so I started watching something I wasn’t really interested in. But it was ok.

15:01: Nope, nothing new to say whatsoever. No surprise, there. What is a surprise though, is me missing the super round number 15:00. Not sure how that happened. I guess now I can wash my car. Why is there a hosepipe ban, anyway? It rained three or four days ago. Well, whatever, let’s go!

15:35: I’ve washed my car! It went well I guess, even though I didn’t get to experience the hosing which I enjoyed in the past. Not only that, for the first time of the whole day, I’m finally feeling genuinely full, I guess the special tortillas have taken a while to fully kick in. I guess I’ll listen to Off the Wall again, it hasn’t left my CD player after all this time. ‘But Simon, you just said unappreciated artist Chris Poland was in your CD player!’ Yes, my CD player can hold 3 CDs at the same time. A nice feature, I must add. Interestingly, I THINK the first song in the Michael Jackson album has the notes G, F#, F and E in them and in that order (or in the equivalent key, I don’t know what it is, I don’t have perfect pitch). Little would most MJ fans know that’s a very common idea in death metal.

15:52: Oh yes, I must remember to watch 16:00:00 when it comes around…

15:57: I spent the last few minutes spying on my dad as he was outside of the house. Thankfully, I didn’t miss the start of the hour.

16:00:00: What a time.

16:02: Ah yes, if all goes to plan I’ll be going for a short drive and then a walk at around half past 4. It sounds good, but I’m reluctant to get my car all muddy, that would be annoying. I guess I’ll have to park on the mud super slowly, I don’t want mud splashing all over the place. Then again, it really is common sense that you don’t stop suddenly when parking, isn’t it? It might fight the boredom, though. No Simon! You’ve been beeped at once already, today!

16:22: Oh no, I haven’t typed anything for 20 minutes…

16:24: Ok, I’ve just watched a Vinnie Moore clip on Youtube that was released in 1986. (Yes, I know Youtube wasn’t around in 1986 but the clip was, obviously). It’s in Yngwie Malmsteen’s neoclassical style, but Yng’s debut album was released in 1984… Therefore there is an obvious and big question: How did Vinnie Moore get as good as Yngwie in just two years??

16:27: Brilliant, I’ll go for a walk now, three minutes earlier than planned!

17:15: I’m back! Going for a walk was a good move! Very fresh! However, as it was a walk I’ve walked countless times now, there is nothing else to say about it. Other than the weather was better than usual, of course. After that I drove to Staines just for fun and didn’t get beeped at even the one time. That was lazy writing, wasn’t it? There must be SOMETHING else I can say about the walk… Oh yes, as I parked my car carefully, I didn’t even get it a little muddy. Great parking but to be fair it wasn’t a particularly muddy day. I also enjoyed flicking a dog flea out of my car window, good luck bothering anyone now.

17:25: Now I’ll check my mobile phone for any messages. As it’s so old now I hate turning it on as it takes ages and I worry it’s going to eventually break. Let’s find out.

17:27: Nope, all fine. It turned off in the end as well.

17:30: I’ve checked my emails again and everything is fine, so let’s proofread again and get it ready for posting, tomorrow! Bye!