England Vs Argentina! (Blog 593)

Today (at the time of typing) I will be watching England play against Argentina, and not only that, I’ll be eating a pizza! I had Papa John’s on Saturday, I went to an undisclosed pizza place on Sunday and I’ll get a similar meal from somewhere else, today. What can I say? I like pizza. There is variety when it comes to different establishments clearly, though I will get my second Hawaiian of the week later on as it’s my favourite. Also, I read that England have a 2% better chance of winning! Though stats should be taken with a pinch of salt, as you can bet if a side draws. The world cup has been going on for God knows how long, and no one has EVER drawn.

Right, it’s 19:15! I missed the first 15 minutes of the pre match talk as I was out getting a pizza as explained, after coming back from the gym. Stuffed crust, too! Or as they call it ‘cheesy crust’!

19:19: A presenter said ‘context’ and I thought that sounded like ‘con text’ which sounds like the punchline of a joke! Have I written a gag with the same theme already? Turns out yes, I thought so, it’s happening more and more these days. Here’s a thought: Messi is getting too old for football now, so make the other enemy footballers older too by inviting them to a sun bed as a ‘treat’. But you turn the power up aging them even faster, then England take the gold.

19:29: Worryingly the presenters keep saying how great Messi is, why not mention Kane??

19:30: A presenter said something ‘like Messi doesn’t even appear interested in the game, but he’s still really good anyway’ which is really depressing for England, though he did add the footballer ‘comes to life’.

19:31: Stop saying how ‘remarkable’ Messi is…

19:32: Now Messi is getting his own special computer animation showing his tactics and Kane has been ignored a further time. Unless I’ve missed something, I have been eating pizza…

19:33: An old football clip shows a goalie who looks like Chino Moreno…

19:36: Thank you, a commentator called Harry Kane a ‘big hitter’. I was worrying he’d continue by saying ‘but Messi is bigger’. He didn’t!

19:38: I’m still hungry after my pizza so I’ll get some chocolate from the fridge.

19:40: Ooh my dad bought a chocolate sundae, I assume that’s for me.

19:42: Ooh the commentators are complimenting Bellingham now! I think Messi is the only Argentinian footballer the presenters mention, so you could argue it’s Kane and Bellingham against one main person…

19:45: Now the commentators keep calling Argentina world champions and basically football Gods who never give up sending the crowds wild. Whose side is he on? Call me paranoid but I think he’s an Argentinian spy, there have been spying scandals in football recently.

19:48: A good time to brush my teeth and such, I guess! Does ‘and such’ sound pretentious? I could have said ‘etc.’ then I realised etcetera is Latin!

19:54: I’ll get some more water, I need a hydration break too. Before that though, lots of people seem to be booing Argentina, they clearly don’t feel the same way as the presenters. There is admiration and then there is betrayal. I went for a pee, even though I didn’t really need to, so I wouldn’t go later and miss the football. Like the footballers, I’m a tactician too.

20:00: The match has started and Messi was called the greatest ever player again. The guy said ‘after 6 long decades, is today the day England will be in the final?’ Yes, they have a 2% edge!

20:03: The presenter said there was a ‘borderline assault’ on a player. I know people with borderline personality disorder often have a bad reputation but that was discrimination and nothing but an assumption.

20:11: The presenter said ‘I’m hoping England only go in one direction towards the final’. He hopes England joins the pop band (One Direction) towards the final? I didn’t even know the footballers can sing, though I did say Kane reminds me of Elvis. If anything England are better than One Direction…

20:11: England keep getting fouled!

20:17: Did I see Mick Jagger watching the game? Yes, it was him! A commentator mentioned him, my Google search can be cancelled I guess. Not that I trust A.I. I still can’t find out if there will be a Fawlty Towers reboot.

20:24: The footballers take a hydration break, I’ll have one too. Then I can check my emails. Most people obsess over their phones, I’m not so different really, phones are basically portable internet. I also like cyber stalking, so I’ll do some more of that, now.

20:26: Ooh, the commentators said they were pleased with England and didn’t even mention Messi. Hang on, what was that about shooting Argentina? Oh of course, you shoot by kicking footballs, don’t you? I thought my sun bed comment was controversial.

20:31: I saw someone watching the game who look like Metallica’s Jason Newstead. I doubt it was him though, it would have been mentioned…

20:32: That’s definitely David Beckham watching.

20:36: The commentator said ‘Who’s got that (yellow) card?’ I was thinking the exact same thing, I’d expect the commentator to know what’s going on though. He could keep talking about Messi because he knows how famous he is, if I were to wing things I’d talk about Messi too.

20:37: The commentator talked about Messi causing mayhem, you’d definitely get a red card for that, surely, that’s a very brutal crime. :S

20:47: The England manager is seen making notes, and if he’s like me, he’ll be making funny comments. However, my last comment was disturbing.

20:48: The half time talk show has begun! Messi keeps getting called a genius but he hasn’t scored. Time for another hydration break for me!

20:55: I could talk about the football commentary but I’m searching Youtube. It’s not doom scrolling, it’s fun.

21:00: If I hear Messi being called the greatest of all time once more I’ll scream.

21:05: The second half has started!

21:08: Argentina nearly scored, but Messi wasn’t involved…

21:15: Wooooooohoooo England score! Messi looked sad though, which made me feel sad. He’s still a genius though, right? The greatest of all time! :) On another matter, I hope Argentina don’t score, not just because I want England to win, but because I don’t want extra time. I want to listen to my new Weezer album!

21:29: Argentina nearly scored and the guy said ‘great ball from Messi’! :) We love Messi, we love Messi! Just not THAT much…

21:35: Hang on, why was the England goal scorer replaced? Replace someone who hasn’t scored! Oh judging by the commentators tone of voice I missed something very exciting, I was busy typing. England are still winning though.

21:38: Dear God, Argentina nearly scored again! And stop calling Messi ‘brilliant’!!!!!!! Yes, I did, but only to boost his self esteem!

21:45: Oh good, Messi looks happier now for whatever reason, I can’t work out why. Unless he thinks he’s going to win, again England have the 2% edge!

21:46: Oh for flip’s sake! Argentina score?? And not only that, the commentator called the goal ‘perfect’!

21:51: Ooh nine minutes of extra time, that will be good. Nine minutes I could spend listening to 1st rate geek rock.

21:52: It’s all over noooooooooooo. How could Argentina score again?? It wasn’t Messi though… Maybe if Englands goal scorer wasn’t replaced things would be different.

22:03: It’s over! The dream is over! Whyyyyyy? And not only that, the commentator said you have to admire the other team!!!

Right, to end the rubbish day, I’ll listen to the Weezer album on Youtube, not my CD player as it has other albums in it at the moment and I’m too depressed to change them. So what? ‘Who does Simon think he is? He thinks his life is so fascinating, he thinks other people care about where he listens to music?’ Again, I only stated the facts to make all of my prior writings believable. Against all reason, I don’t blog lie, I know that makes me look weird. And bye!