Excellent Joke Writing Session And Then More Dentist! (Blog 605)

Later on in the day, I will be going to the dentist but for now I have little to do. I’ve probably checked my appointment time around 50 times over these last few weeks, so missing it would be humiliating. In the meantime, here’s another bee joke, written just now: ‘Why was the stinging insect’s fraud a light? It was a bee con.’ That’s a gag A.I. describes as ‘a fantastic pun!’ Yep, I was given an exclamation mark as well, basically I was shouted at. At first I spelt ‘fraud’ as ‘fruad’ and the spellchecker only suggested ‘fruit’. I mean, when I updated my computer a while ago I was TOLD there would be various improvements, but not in my spellchecker, clearly. To be fair though, I thought ‘as well’ was supposed to be ‘aswell’. Apparently not, I’m glad that has been cleared up. Well done, spellchecker. Annoying I’ve done a joke about con trolls before, so there will be no fraudulent troll joke in this blog. Let’s just check my appointment time again… Yep, 12:15. I actually originally booked the appointment at 12:00 six months ago, I have proof. That means it’s the dentist that’s late.

On the news, a reporter mentioned the country of India. Sounds like ‘indie arrrr’ a potential joke about a musician-pirate. Ok: ‘In what country do you find pirates on an independent label? Indie-arrrr.’ Annoyingly, there are probably more pirate jokes featuring the word ‘arrrr’ than there are jokes about bees, written by me. Ooh, here’s a good punchline: Critter cool. I can definitely make a joke out of that. Here we go: ‘Why was the animal wearing sunglasses in a dangerous condition? It was critter, cool.’ A.I. calls it ‘a classic riddle!’ Yep, another exclamation mark… Disc grace is a good punchline, too. ‘Why did the circle’s elegance cause outrage? It was a disc grace.’ Another brilliant pun, apparently. I don’t see why so many people are concerned about A.I., I think it’s really kind! Ooh, a news reporter mentioned the moon ‘Deimos’. So here’s a joke! ‘What moon features Deanna’s plants? Dee moss.’ A.I. said it understood the joke, but judging by what it said, I’m not 100% sure. Here’s a joke about Phobos: ‘What moon homes your enemy’s employer? Foe boss.’ Ok, A.I. definitely didn’t understand that. Ironic, as I think it’s a better joke than the Deimos one.

An unusually productive joke writing session, just now. Well done me, I guess. Usually it takes around 30 minutes to write a joke! A reason to be cheerful in such unhappy circumstances. No one likes getting their teeth scraped but fair enough, I’m not living in Victorian times. The dentists than sucked, I’d have to write the best joke ever to get me through such a situation. Annoyingly, I’ve already written a joke about Sydney. (Sounds like Sid knee). Moving on, I have to be honest, I’m not 100% sure when my dentist appointment is anymore, but I won’t check again for the sake of my own sanity. ‘In short’ sounds pretty much the same as ‘in shorts’, right? So here’s another joke: ‘Why was the leg a brief summary? It was in shorts.’ Ok, they’re all the jokes I can come up with. Again, pretty good but I’m annoyed I missed the 11:11:11 time on my computer clock. >:( Ok, I’ll leave for the dentist now… That should make me about 40 minutes early…

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I’m back! As always, I left way too early so I had plenty of time to visit the local charity shop. Sadly, there was nothing there I found interesting. ‘The Essential Barbara Streisand’ sounds good, but I didn’t really trust the album title. At least I think it was a Barbara Streisand album, I can’t remember. If not, that alone would suggest it’s not really essential. In that case, the album should be called ‘The Forgettable’, but who would market an album like that? I soon found that I needed to go to the toilet, which is the price of staying hydrated, I guess. Not that it mattered, the dentist had a toilet. In the upstairs waiting room I was all alone, which is what I wanted. I was a bit alarmed when I saw a notice on the wall saying ‘Toothache? Need emergency dental help? Contact NHS 111.’ I get calling a special number for emergency dental issues, but surely toothache isn’t that big a problem? If so, that’s only going to make my hypochondria worse. I’d eat an ice cream that’s too cold, then I call 111. The notice did tell me to, so don’t accuse me of wasting your time. On the plus side though, I wasn’t late! After a family entered the same waiting room I was in, yep, it was proven that it’s better to be on your own, I’d actually rather be in the dentist’s room although it could simply be because it was a particularly annoying family.

One benefit of the upstairs waiting room however, was the magazine that not only did I use as something solid to write my notes on, rather like a tiny and flexible table, it was also dated as the 4th of April 2026! That means, I could well have seen the very same magazine in my last dentist appointment. I found that to be ever so slightly trippy. To pass the time, I looked around the room again, and noticed a sign on the door saying ‘Osteopath’ and it was explained the room was ‘in use’. Imagine if the psychopath room was in use (an easy mistake to make). As in ‘Come in, Simon. Your appointment with the psychopath is right now.’ I’d be terrified. Therefore, I think that the sign should have really said ‘OSTEOpath’ just so there’s no confusion and people don’t get needlessly scared. Eventually I was called into what would turn out to be a room of two non-psychopathic dentists, but who could have still shown more sympathy. After opening my mouth on the bed, I heard the dentist say the typical apparently technical gibberish only dentists understand. There’s a Bill Bailey routine that described my exact situation, and in his response to nonsense he says he replies with more nonsense, that being the phrase ‘the pheasant has no agenda’, just to weird the dentists out. I thought ‘the pheasant has no agenda’ too, and the dentist was looking at me like ‘what does it mean’?

During the course of my 10 minute or so dental hygiene session, I must have been told to ‘open wide’ about 50 times. I was told to move my tongue exactly 6 times though, I counted for the sake of having something to blog about. Annoyingly, if I was told 5 times, it would have been a neat 1 to 10 ratio but who knows, maybe I was told to open wide 60 times. THEN it would be a 1 to 10 ratio. Cool! After all that stuff was over, I headed to the downstairs waiting room and waited for my next, plain old dental checkup. As there were receptionists, I could listen to their phone conversations to pass the time. One conversation was perfectly normal, but when she mentioned someone’s mum, she said ‘YOUR MUM’ in the same way school children insult each other. It was most likely a mistake but it did stand out to me. Soon enough, I was called into my second appointment and the new dentist asked me how I was 4 times (again, I wanted something to blog about whilst counting). Between you and me, I think he’s a bit deaf but you can’t deny he’s friendly. I was also told I’ve been keeping my teeth very well and he complimented my Rammstein hoodie. Again, very friendly. That was pretty much the whole appointment. After that, I asked a receptionist for another 2 appointments on the same day in 6 months time and was asked if I wanted them at the same time. No, it’s not possible! Of course I asked for clarification, then I was told she meant the two sessions would immediately follow each other.

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… And that was the day out, bye!