Possible Family Visit and Staines Part Even More than Last Time! (Blog 601)

Right, my dad said my brother’s family SHOULD be visiting me today (at the time of writing on a Sunday), so my plan is to blog about that. I however am skeptical, not because such people are shifty, but because I’ve shaved. What have I got to say to newcomers of this site? Why have I linked my brother with me shaving? Oh never mind, let’s just say it’s not a superstition, more evidence based. I’m a scientific person rather than paranoid (now that I take Clozapine, it’s a hell of a drug), and have been looking for other connections in life as well. I’ve been noting down the dates I cut my hair and it SEEMS to grow more in Summer. I wouldn’t take my word on that though, as I’ve only been noting down haircuts since March 21st. I’ll have to get back to you on that. I’ve also been noting the dates I’ve been filling my car up with petrol and surprise, surprise, I fill it up the more I use it. But it’s good to be sure. The thing is, when there is no connection between two things whatsoever, that’s often funny, and clearly that’s the whole point of this site. So maybe I’m not trustworthy? It’s complicated. If they don’t visit me though, I can always blog about washing my car! So yeah, I’ve been thinking to myself ‘… this is even more depressing than last Sunday’s blog…’

Oh God, I just got a call from my brother saying he’s probably not coming over. Plan B I guess then, which is… Staines! (Or Staines Upon Thames). On the plus side, remember how I said I was having trouble giving my visits to Staines suitable names? Well, I can just call my blogs ‘Staines even more than last time’ which you may have noticed. There’s no need to say ‘Staines part one million trillion billion’, etc. etc. If you haven’t noticed that, I get it, you’ve been skimming through my blog in the hope of me saying something interesting. Let’s leave for the town now, then! Hopefully this time the ticket machine accepts my apparently weird and unusable Visa Debit card… … Well, I’m back and my credit card was accepted this time. Well done, the ticket machine has seen reason and has started accepting one of the most popular brands once again. Just in case it wasn’t accepted though, I bought two £1 coins with me. I didn’t know if £2 coins would be accepted (again, it’s a screwy machine), so I replaced my £2 coin with two of my dad’s £1 coins. Hardly the crime of the century, I don’t think it even is a crime. Change tampering or change replacing? I don’t know. Maybe.

The first thing I did in the town, was get a birthday card for my nephew and sister in law (they have birthdays on the same day!) and a small toy. A toy car with sweets inside? The perfect gift! Now what to get my nephew? Only joking it was for my nephew! No gift my sister in law though as she didn’t get me a present for my birthday. :( Not that I’d really want another CD, unless she got me another ZZ Top album. Again, for first time readers? Never mind. Once I paid for the cards, I was given envelopes to go with them. I was thinking it was weird cards didn’t come with envelopes, a very weird business decision apparently, as at first I was considering shopping somewhere else. Lesson of the day? Trust the card shop in Staines. So what CD did I get this time? Pearl Jam! Could be earlier on in the alphabet, could be later. Personally, I think the band declined in quality after their first two albums, but hey, maybe I’m wrong and should give them another chance. However, unsurprisingly the main reason I bought it was because the cardboard case was nice and thin and I could easily squeeze it into my collection without much issue. The only real times I buy albums I genuinely want nowadays are for my birthdays and Christmases.

Naturally, the muffin and milkshake came after. I almost like them as much as my brother likes changing his plans. Not quite as much though, that would be an addiction. I’m glad I was right about my shaving theory, though. On the way back, it was funny how I saw a sign asking the public for their opinion on what a future speed limit should be on a road. Oh no! My One Screw Day stories are coming true! God knows how things are going to worse in the coming few years. My prediction? Crazy speeds. When I got fully home, I thought I lost my wallet. ARGH! I quite literally had a bigger reaction than when pro climber Alex Honnald nearly fell off a cliff and died. Also, when I found my wallet I was happier than Alex when he finally reached the top of a mountain. Now let’s see if I can squeeze my CD in, after all… Yes, not bad! Let’s listen to some of the album, now! Oh no… It starts with weird atonal noises? It’s almost as bad as the Captain Beefheart music I heard. Ah, it soon gets better! I guess the music is pretty good. Really I should write my 62nd apology for being so close minded… Let’s go for a lovely short walk, I guess!

Ok, I have nothing to say about the walk whatsoever, HOWEVER on the way back I did see a numberplate that looked a lot like ‘Pee limit’, however it was the more vulgar four letter word. Judging by the number of characters, it was a personalised plate and who in their right mind would ask for that? Does the driver have a limit of the rubbish (or pee) he accepts from people? Maybe that does make sense. I guess ‘No Nonsense’ was already taken. Or rather ‘N0 N5N53’ or something like that. Ok, now I’ll wash my car. Will that be more interesting than the walk? Maybe… … Ok, it’s done. I can’t say I have a lot to say about the washing either, but I’ve learnt a hell of a lot about my own numberplate. Let’s listen to more of the album. Oh no, track 9 is another Captain Beefheart style song. I consider myself an openminded person, but how the flip did that guy ever get successful? The following song is better, but silence would be better. Come on Simon, there must be something about the car washing I can write about… Hm… Nope! Dear God track 14 is flipping weird as well. Thank God most of the album is normal, but a few good reviews for the captain from weirdos and I guess he caught on. Finally, mission failed, I guess; no interesting anecdotes about the washing and bad news for Pearl Jam 3 times, now. Good use of a semi-colon though, right? A very rare punctuation, but bad structure for the paragraph. And bye!