Staines, Tree(Simon’s Number) (Blog 596)

Yesterday, I went to Staines again! However, you may have been confused by the title, so let me explain. Tree(1) isn’t a very big number, nor is Tree(2), but for reasons I don’t understand, Tree(3) is ridiculously massive, and Tree(4) is plain insane. However, Simon’s Number (the amount of times I’d been to Staines, two or so years ago) is way bigger than Tree(3) OR 4, so Tree(Simon’s Number) is so vast, it can only be understand by the select few. Hell, I don’t understand it myself. So there you go, that’s what the title means and that’s how many times I’ve been to the place, NOW. Maybe I should go somewhere else? Anyway, as I drove there, I noticed a ‘Road ahead closed’ sign. Oh no, trip out cancelled! Thank God, it was all in my imagination, maybe it was a don’t pass cyclists sign, or something? If so, that’s annoying, just not as much. I mean, why give cyclists even more rights? Why do large group of them take up the whole left side of the road sometimes, instead of going in single file? That’s really annoying, the next step is them riding on the wrong side of the road and if you let them, they will. Anyway, on the plus side, I COULD still go shopping. Right? Well, when trying to buy my ticket in the carpark, two different ticket machines said I had an invalid card… What’s wrong with Halifax?? It’s one of the biggest card companies in the UK! THAT’S a good reason to cancel the trip, what a snooty ticket machine. Amazingly I had just enough change in my car for the ticket, but at first I couldn’t put the coins in the thing! When I finally worked out what to do, it was like getting an unlockable achievement in a video game. A nice feeling, but is it appropriate for a ticket machine?

On the plus side though, I did briefly see the time 12:34 on one of the machines, arguably the best time to ever see on such a device. If it was more accurate, I could have seen 12:34:56, but of course, getting the thing to simply work properly should be the main priority. The first shop I went to was a clothes store, as I needed some new trousers. I pretty much got one of the first pieces of clothing I saw. It sounds lazy, but no, they were a nice stylish light blue and crucially, they had zips! I mean what’s the point of having pockets without zips? It’s a literal disaster just waiting to happen. Whoever thinks to himself ‘Ha! I’ve just lost my wallet and keys! What will I do, now? Ha!’ Moron. I searched around for a member of staff, so I could try the clothes on and I thought I saw the right person, but he was wearing a Red Bull shirt. A bit weird, but he did look sensible enough to work in a shop. Actually he wasn’t an employee, a real one worse the JD logo, and HE let me into the changing room. Yep, small trousers were just the right size. Fitting really, as teachers, strangers and friends have often called me a ‘small man’. It sounds like an insult, but actually it was a valid observation on my size. At least I don’t have to wear children’s clothes and again, I have been called a child. Thank FLIP my credit card worked when purchasing the trousers, otherwise I’d have no idea what was going on and not only that, I wouldn’t be able to get a muffin!!

Next, I bought an album from HMV. Can you guess what letter of the alphabet the band name begun with? That’s right, an S. Again, that may sound lazy but I do like Static X, although if the group were called X Static, that would be even better. They may consider calling themselves that, as they have changed their name in the past. They used to be called Battery, Drill, AND plain old ‘Static’. So yeah, please consider X Static and refresh your brand, if anything it sounds new and exciting! After the purchasing, I made some more notes and this time I remembered to do so out of sight of the music staff. Why making notes in a store is against company policy I don’t know, but maybe didn’t REALLY matter. Or maybe it did! Why? I don’t know!! Right, the real highlight of the day, that being the milkshake and muffin: The muffin was the right size, but the shake was a lot bigger than the one I got last time in the foodery. Could I throw some of it away, like I did the last of my cookies in Norbiton? Probably not, as the shake was just too good. Yep, I had all of it. After eating everything, I realised I didn’t remember if I paid before eating/slurping or not, so if I walked out of the place, there would be a possibility I’d get arrested. I actually almost got arrested after being accused of leaving HMV with a ‘stolen’ CD many years ago now, but that was at least partially caused by a member of staff not checking my items properly. Idiot. I did the right thing and asked if I paid for my food and I did, but I also got funny looks, spoiling things. And that was the trip out, so bye!