Ah September. (Blog 468)

Ah, September, one of the worst months of the year, right? That’s what I said, anyway. Actually my mood is pretty good right now. I’m bored, yes, but it’s an uplifting and energetic boredom. Not a manic and mental energy, but certainly a nice one. Like being locked in a featureless room with coffee everywhere. It may sound basic, maybe even weird, but drink the coffee and things really aren’t so bad at all. In my case the ‘coffee’ is a metaphor for mood-boosting cool weather, and luckily for me the cool weather looks like it’s here to stay. As we all know, I don’t drink coffee. I used to love Coca Cola, I couldn’t stop drinking it. Now, it absolutely terrifies me as it drives me mad as we all know. For that reason, I think giving someone schizophrenia for a day or two can put anyone off any addiction. Oh you really like alcohol? See me in two days time and see if I can’t change your mind. That’s a class idea that has been developed over many years, so I don’t think I have to apologise for repeating mental health anecdotes again. Quite the contrary, I should be given a voice on a more serious platform. Who trusts medical advice on a comedy sight, right? A site thats main point is to annoy someone called Dan, and its secondary purpose is to annoy Ben. Hopefully I won’t be the one who ends up getting psych-studied though, as let’s be real, why would any studies of me have a positive outcome? You know what STRONG coffee is a metaphor for? Snow. I miss snow, it hasn’t snowed in a while. The second I see it? I’m off like lightening.

I’m wondering if ‘manic and mental boredom’ could be a new diagnosis. You get bipolar 1 where you get more extreme highs (note I didn’t say ‘severe highs’ like the internet does, how can you have a severe high?); bipolar 2 is milder, and then we have my addition ‘bipolar 3’, which features manic and mental boredom. The internet says people with bipolar 1 may not have episodes of depression. That CAN’T be true… can it?? Have you EVER seen someone running around and singing CONSTANTLY? Because I really never have. Ever, you’d think it would stick in my mind. I guess it would be a severe illness for those watching the maniac, by that I mean, how would you respond other than with nervousness? BUT, it wouldn’t be severe for the crazy person as it sounds to me like he’s having a whale of a time. I don’t know if this is true, but I heard if you have any personality trait, it means that trait in some point in your ancestor’s history was an advantage at that time. How is running and singing a trait that can help anybody?? Maybe other people liked watching such a person, but if that’s true, how can a manic episode be called negative??

Yesterday I posted an interview called ‘Are Crisps 2d?’ I was careful not to say are CRIPS 2d, as the Crips are gang members. You really don’t want to suggest they have predictable, 2d personalities, you shouldn’t really be offending them at all. Then again, if I compare such people to 3d foods, I can’t see how that would get a positive reaction, either. I could just say they have deep 3d personalities, but then I’d in trouble for promoting an illegal lifestyle. I can’t win, which makes me wonder why I’d blog about such a subject in the first place. I guess I thought it was funny. That says it all, doesn’t it? Write anything as long as it gets a chuckle? Even worse, it makes ME chuckle as explained. It kind of paints a picture of someone who is a bit on an idiot. As a child I was frequently described as an idiot but never knew exactly why, as I wasn’t really given an explanation. All these years later, I think I’ve got it, I really do. :) But seriously though, if you do see gangster, don’t say he’s 2d, 3d or any kind of food. Don’t make eye contact, move on!!

To conclude, I liked how I didn’t repeat myself TOO much, as this time I said that I had a very good reason for talking about schizophrenia, and I mentioned manic depression, as well. Very clever. If not, time to get my thinking cap on for future blogs. The problem is, I don’t own a thinking cap, I don’t even know what one is. Let’s Google an image of a thinking cap, right now… Wow, it’s a hat with a lightbulb on, how does that help? Maybe the warmth from the light stimulates the brain? You could go in the opposite direction and say the heat from the bulb could tell the brain it needs less heat from blood, and therefore doesn’t need as much blood being pumped to it, resulting in weaker thinking? Or does the brain always get the same amount of blood no matter what the temperature? Now that I think of it, it does, doesn’t it? Doesn’t it? God knows. You know what I think would make a really good thinking cap? A cap with a calculator on it, that makes much more sense. How you would use the device when it’s on the top of your head is another matter. Can’t you just like… put it in your hands? And on that curious note… bye!