Bank Holiday! (Blog 466)

(Written yesterday (mostly))

Ah, bank holidays, days where I don’t do anything different at all, and in August, the dullest month of the year. How do I blog about it without being depressing? Maybe I can’t. As depression is contagious, maybe skip reading this blog? If you think you can handle it, however? Read on. Right! I just saw the time 11:11:11 on my clock! That’s not depressing, I guess I tricked you. The same thing happened the other day. Impressive, right? Not really, as I look at my clock quite a lot. So yeah, not depressing BUT repetitive and for that I apologise again. I just want to say one more thing about numbers then I’ll move on: It may not be a palindrome, but 15:55:55 is cool because of the five fives. I also keep talking about balancing on seats. That’s not exactly an activity that will get you sectioned, (I’m somewhat of an expert on the matter) but you would get follow up questions, so just be wary. I know I know I know I keep talking about mental illness but there are just so many stories. Anyway, Alice in Chains are a depressing band. Maybe just listening to them would set the scene better than anything I could say. Of course the question ‘why would Simon want to make his readers depressed?’ should be raised. Fair point, so maybe leave AiC. Actually I’m listening to Santana, right now, and I’m sure Carlos Santana would be devastated if someone called his music depressing. Actually, I find it rather soulful, 50p very well spent!

No, actually a lot of Santana’s music is rather bluesy and bluesy music is a least a bit depressing, isn’t it? He just needs to intensify things just a little, and then his music would fit to my situation. He has songs such as ‘Hope You’re Feeling Better’? Nope, not at all, so the song should really be called ‘Actually I’m feeling Worse’. Ok fine, not everything has to revolve around me and of course it would be extremely self-centred of me to write to Santana, request he changes the song title and lyrics of one of his songs just for me on this specific day. I mean that’s the kind of behaviour to make someone genuinely feel uneasy. When the request is followed by a demand that guitarist plays music as depressed as I feel (very very depressed and miffed, too), things are getting REALLY scary. More so when I explain that telling others not to balance on the back of outdoors seats is pretty much the best advice I can give people, especially if you don’t want to attract any further attention from psychiatrists. (A topic I’m an expert on). When I explain I’ve said similar things to that perhaps over a hundred times… I mean, wow. Poor Santana. Moving on, as this is a bank holiday, that means my local gym will be closing earlier meaning my normal schedule will be altered. It’s annoying as I just like the feeling of coming home from the place later on. Crucially however, I and everyone else must NEVER request the guitarist to change song titles such as ‘Soul Sacrifice’ to ‘Sacrifice for Simon on the Sad, Altered Gym Day’. I’m just saying that because that is what I want to happen. But the rational part of me doesn’t, if you get what I’m saying. I also want Santana to write a song about me called ‘Wonderful, Wonderful Simon.’

Now I’m listening to Blink 182. Please, Blink 182 don’t change your name to ‘Simon 182’, it would just be another story about me and one that I don’t want. Why would they change their name? I don’t know. Maybe simply because I was feeling low and needed some cheering up. I guess in a way it would be a nice thought, but it’s just a bank holiday and if I can’t handle the stress of going to the gym one hour earlier, maybe I shouldn’t be so secretive about my esoteric outdoor activities and should open up more? Open up to some professionals who are trained to be open minded and to keep their cool. I call it ‘hardcore bench balancing’ everyone else calls it ‘inappropriate behaviour from someone who calls himself an uncle’. I’m going to eat some cheese in pasta later, that should cheer me up. And of course, I’ll have my gym buzz but the downside is, the buzz will end an hour or so earlier which is a shame. Is it a shame big enough for me to message Latin-rock guitarists and pop punk bands? Oh I don’t know anymore. Now what to say? I guess I could point out how I’ve been sitting doing nothing for about half an hour, again, a rather typical day. Certainly not a good holiday, thank God I never paid anyone for the experience, that would make me mad. Then I suggest Blink 182 should be called ‘(expletive) off 182’, I feel bad afterwards and no one wins. And on that unhappy note… bye!