Best Curry Ever?? (Blog 514)

I’ve had well over 100, maybe 400 or more higher end curries now if you include the fancy ones my mum made, and I THINK the one I had this Saturday was the best one I’ve had EVER! What is the name of this mysterious curry? A super important question, so I’ll note it here for both your and my own use: Paneer Tikka Masala, that is marinated Indian cheese with creamy masala sauce. That’s interesting as I don’t really like cheese very much, the ears of pans sound even less appetising. Unless of course ‘pan’ refers to the Greek word meaning ‘everything’. Mmm, the ears of everything, yum. Personally I’d assume pan is an Indian word though, with curries being Indian food and all. Let’s use online translator to see what ‘pan’ means in that country… Oh, Indian isn’t a language of course it isn’t. Let’s use Google to find out what language is spoken there, then… Right! Indians speak Hindi, now let’s find out what pan means. ‘Pan’ means ‘pan’. Well that was disappointing. What does ‘paneer’ mean, then? Cheese!! Finally, some logic! And what about tikka, what does that mean? I THINK it means ‘red’… Ok, tikka apparently means tikka, fine. So we have chicken cheese tikka. And it was delicious.

A slight nitpick but the chicken was just a liiiittle bit too soft, I guess that’s the price of marination, which is the soaking of food in liquid. It just makes things soggy, doesn’t it? Well, the restaurant took a gamble and it paid off, almost fully! It’s now easy to understand how the soggy chicken curry house powned the nearby rival curry house ‘Ivory Tusk’ and drove them out of business. But of course and as explained a while ago, the place could have shut down for dealing ivory. ‘Come for our inferior Indian food and illegal trade’. I get how ivory is highly sought after by some shady people, but even so, put the business at least a little bit further away. In comparison you wouldn’t put two kebab places right next to each other, even if one of them was different in that it sold guns. Kebabs’n’Guns? Not such a different name in the grand scheme of things, but if the kebabs aren’t as good, people will be taking a risk both taste wise AND legally. Such places shouldn’t be high pressure environments, really you should look forward to food and not have to worry about being arrested. I hate to bring up updating my computer again, but it spoils meals when I have to do that. It would be so much worse if I was looking forward to a meal and also thinking to myself ‘Oh no, I’m carrying a VERY illegal weapon.’

In other positive news, my hives are basically gone now. They started on my body then spread a bit to my right leg and that was basically it for their reign of terror. I thought I saw another hive lower down on my leg, but it was only there for about a day, so I don’t know what that was. At the time my theory was that the hives would go even lower down my leg, then ankle, then my foot and after that, they would have nowhere else to go and would disappear, but again, they went before that happened. And admitting you were wrong is fine! My mistake probably shows a complete misunderstanding of biology and how rashes work but I mean come on, the hives were getting lower and lower, them having nowhere else to go is simple logic! Maybe when leaving my foot they could spread to other people. You know how in Street Fighter, the characters can launch balls of energy from their hands whilst shouting ‘Hadoken!’ or whatever? My special attack would be me taking my shoes and socks off and launching hives. Then I’d shout ‘Toho de no jinmashin!!’ which is Japanese for ‘hive on foot’. It wouldn’t damage the other fighter, but it would make him self-conscious and distractible and that’s how you win the fight.

I guess I should say I don’t really want to give hives to people. Not professional fighters, anyway. If a random person attacked me for whatever reason, I wouldn’t really think too much of taking of my shoes and socks off, shouting ‘Toho de no jinmashin!!’ and giving the person hives, screw him. Yes, I’m fully aware that would be a weird fight and something that would baffle those watching CCTV, but who cares really? In a way it could work out for the attacker though. The judge would be like, ‘I would give you a lengthy prison sentence, but as you now have hives, I will be taking some time off’. I guess I should also stress that it’s surely not possible to kick hives at people, even if you say something epic sounding at the same time. Then again, Street Fighter should apologise to me for suggesting at an early age it’s possible to launch balls of energy from your hands by kneeling down, going forward and pressing A or B. It seemed so plausible! Now it’s time for ME to apologise. I said the street fighter shouted ‘hadoken’, it’s actually ‘hadouken!’ Who cares? Actually it’s a big difference, hadouken means ‘fist of surge’ hadoken apparently means ‘civil engineering!!’ Whoops. And on that grave error… bye!