Car Sand From Far Off Lands! (Extreme) (Blog 570)

On Monday morning I washed my car because the weatherman said it would be coated in bits of sand, carried by winds all the way from the exotic Sahara desert, or something. My car wasn’t COVERED in sand or anything but then again, I wouldn’t really want it to be. It would be something that would stick in my mind which I guess would be a small benefit though, I just don’t want to drive looking like a weirdo. It was interesting when I saw Amish people whilst in America and I’m bringing them up as they are roughly the same distance from me as Africa, making them exotic, too! I will definitely bring them up again! :) Anyway as I was saying, the cons of a super sandy car would outweigh the pros, I’m a halfhearted cleaner at the best of times. There was definitely some sand on my car though, and it is kind of trippy it came from a place so far away, which added a touch of magic to the cleaning. Simon’s exotic Toyota Aygo, such cars are pretty alien already as the company is from Japan! They’re made in the Czech Republic, I bought it in England and of course it was peppered by bits of Africa. Cool! Taking things further, I could place a slice of pizza on my car, adding an Italian feel…

Here’s a valid question: How often do Africans wash their cars and how thoroughly? Let’s Google how windy Africa is. If very, I guess they have to wash their vehicles a lot. It has highly windy regions? That’s too bad. On the plus side, though… very low risk of frostbite! Similarly, attacks by polar bears must be extraordinarily rare and the chances of being crushed by badly built igloos are close to zero. Oh yes, I’ve just realised… of course Africa is windy, otherwise how would the wind reach where I live? Duh. In my defence, I don’t think I’ve ever washed sand from my car, though. Technically speaking, it could have been the first wind in the continent in years, I should point out that I know little about geography. Without the internet correcting me, I could potentially coin new phrases such as ‘that’s as rare as a wind from Africa’. Pretty dumb, obviously. Or maybe not! A few years ago now, I remember seeing a yellow sky, also caused by sandy weather yet I don’t remember washing sand from my car, then. Then again, I could have just forgot about it. Specs of sand on your vehicle are forgettable, huge piles of sand aren’t. Again, pros and cons!

Here’s a thought: If it’s possible for sand to be carried thousands of miles, is it possible for it to literally rain cats and dogs? In rare situations, I mean? It must be if the winds are strong enough to carry them… Apparently the phrase just mentioned means it’s raining very heavily with regular water, nothing to do with any animals. Sadly that means the person who coined THAT phrase was hallucinating. The first time someone heard him say that must have been very confusing. After maybe a dozen or so times, I guess it just caught on. Speaking of weird types of rain, when it rains sand all the way from Africa, it’s called ‘blood rain’. I’m wondering if the same person who talked about it raining cats and dogs talked about it raining blood. People would just be like ‘Oh no, not you again.’ Slayer have a song called ‘Raining Blood’ but as lyrics are usually meant to be ambiguous, who knows what the band truly had in my when writing the lyrics. It could be about something badass like genuine blood rain, it could simply be rain that’s just sandy. If the latter, why has the music got to be so heavy? Maybe the band are really angry about washing their cars??

Ok, let’s do one more paragraph. I’ll tell you a weird form of rain: Raining Amish people. Again, it could happen if such people were picked up by a tornado. A huge tragedy obviously, but I was thinking maybe their massive beards would help soften the blow? I’m picturing such people bouncing up and down on the ground until they finally come to a safe standstill. I’ve just had a very long period of writer’s block. Why could that be? Maybe because deep down I know it would be wrong to drop Amish people from a great height and test if they bounce their way to safety?? They probably wouldn’t but I do have no proof. More writers block has followed for similar reasons, I just need to do a few more sentences! Here’s something you don’t want it to rain: Hammers, acid and spikes. Ok, I’m getting there now. So, I’ve called Amish people ‘exotic’ which is a great compliment but as I have no way of contacting them, sadly they would never know. Although I am glad they will also never know the kinds of tests I have in mind. And on that ambivalent note… Bye!