Hahaha. (Blog 575)

Shortly after getting my monthly blood test out of the way on Wednesday, I got a very disturbing call from a nurse saying my white blood count was in the amber range, green being normal. However, I have been told the same thing approaching ten times now, and I’ve always been fine in then end. Between you and me, I don’t actually believe the nurse as you do seem to be given various mental ‘tests’ to see how you react, including being sent to the wrong place! Some handle the tests well (like me), others quite literally go mental. I was also told that if my second blood test on the following Friday (now yesterday) wasn’t any better, I’d need to have blood tests every two days… Wow… I can see how that would end up annoying me. Worrying about the situation probably would end up making me ill, really reducing my blood count. I mean… every two days?? (expletive) no… That would be a very dark blog. I’ve been thinking about this for a few months now, there must be a way I can make my blood look green, I could put a chemical in the test tube (maybe copper?) when the nurse isn’t looking. Lets’ freak HER out. I was also told by her constipation can kill me. Nurses may have diagnosed me with paranoid schizophrenia (yes, you may think I’m being paranoid, too), I diagnose her with spineless sadism.

After writing various parts of this blog including some of the following (it’s complicated, I wouldn’t worry) I left to get my blood taken AGAIN. I was a little nervous with the thought of such frequent blood tests, but again I find the nurse to be untrustworthy. It’s like getting a test for hepatitis, I’ve never done drugs in my life, I haven’t ever been attacked by a drug addict either, how would I get that? At the same time however, I would be nervous getting such a test as the condition would really suck. Ok fair enough, there was a time when my white blood cell count was legit orange, however a short while before the test back then, I slept with the window open in Wintery weather which was dumb, obviously. I haven’t done that in many years, now. I miss it though, it made me feel fresh… Not to worry though, going to the gym makes me feel fresh as well and that’s good for you, obviously! I wouldn’t say takeaways make me feel fresh, but of course they taste delicious, so it doesn’t matter at all. I guess ice cream makes me feel that way, but whilst that does sound like a super food in that respect, it really isn’t of course. Oh if it were. I guess bananas make me feel better. It could just be the placebo effect, but they are worth checking out if you’re feeling low. Oh yes, and it’s worth noting how I see the nurse once a month on a Wednesday and I don’t shave then… or on the Friday after!!

I couldn’t make notes when in the ‘wellness’ centre as there was a camera pointing at me, so I’d have to remember all that happened and jot everything down in my car. So what happened there? First of all, I noticed how it took two staff members who seemed like they weren’t doing very much at all, to answer a phone in a good half a minute. Again, time wasters. I also noticed how the clock seemed to be slow, my theory being the patients won’t get mad when the staff members are late when meeting them. I mean the clock makes it LOOK like the staff are on time, but then again, maybe not. After a few minutes of waiting I was called to get my blood taken. You know how I accused the nurse of having a subtype of sadistic personality disorder? It might just be a coincidence but it did hurt a fair bit when my blood was stolen. She said it was because my vein wasn’t as good as the one on my other arm, I’m skeptical. After a few minutes of my blood being analysed (by spinning around and around on some kind of machine :S) I was told I was fine! Told you! HOWEVER… the nurse showed me a graph of prior blood test results, proving I was indeed in the amber zone on Wednesday. I’m so sorry. It’s just that I was so used to things being fine and all… Whoops. Again sorry, about that. I was told I must have had a small and short lived infection!

Now what should I say? I do have a fair amount of time on my hands… I would say I’m relieved about my blood and I am, but I have a dentist appointment coming up soon. Whilst I just now experienced brief mental pain, soon I’ll be experiencing physical AND mental pain. As in ‘we’re going to scrape your teeth clean. Also, your teeth are yellow.’ However, when everything is over I will be experiencing even more relief! The end of dental pain is actually quite a nice feeling but there’s nothing that can be done about the colour and I doubt any toothpaste can help me despite their claims. But things could at very least be worse! I think one TP company ‘makes your teeth two shades whiter’ but what does that mean? How many shades of colours are there? Technically there are an infinite amount, right? Two out of infinity? It’s next to nothing, I actually think it technically is nothing. And now I should apologise to toothpaste companies, shouldn’t I? Sorry. Let’s ask A.I. if the product works… ‘Yes, but with limitations’. There you go! Not a ripoff but not perfect. And what IS perfect in life? Nothing! So there you go. I was going to suggest TP businesses have antisocial personality disorder for lying to their customers but of course, that would cause outrage AND wouldn’t be true. And at the end of that rollercoaster… Bye!