Contest 95 (Blog 536)

It’s been a month or so since I posted about Matt and co.’s teacher themed podcast, so let’s share another! Almost immediately everyone talked about crying and for a very long time. Not the best advert for teaching in the world, and making things worse their channel has dozens of short videos about how much the profession sucks. After that, everyone talked about hugging to make others feel better. It’s actually how Fight Club started. At first people were crying together and beating each other up to deal with the pain, the next thing you know they start a terrorist organisation. Just a warning for the teachers, there. Just a pattern of behaviour, I guess. It’s upsetting for me as many years ago now, I actually applied for a job as a teacher assistant, too much stress and I fight the other teachers/hug them and then bomb a building. However, I would never talk to myself and think I’m two different people as I’m on medication for that already, it’s not possible. In a way, I’m superior. Yep, I was wondering when I would bring up mental health problems again, but on the plus side, at least I wasn’t just talking about myself this time. It’s a twist. A very offensive twist. Slander, if anything.

After that, everyone discussed the classic subject, poor student behaviour. I think I’d make a great English teacher. The trick is, make everyone look stupid in your writings. I’ll start first, I only sat one test at the end of school because I didn’t want to do any more. See? It’s funny, releases endorphins and calms people down. No one in the whole world (apart from me) really seems to know how to control school children, I hate to make the podcasters feel silly, but they’re probably just wasting their time coming up with their own theories. They might as well just talk about their favourite pizza. It’s fun and sensible at the same time. Having said that, I wonder what to do about behaviour problems as well. On second thoughts, I don’t really think calling people ‘stupid’ helps. Caning has been banned and rightly so, so what else can you do? Firing paintball guns at children would be very painful (the only way they’ll learn) but pulling the trigger from a distance is very impersonal, so I wouldn’t feel bad. Perfect. If you’re not allowed to swear at children either, how about making up your own slang that is equally offensive? What can anyone do if you say ‘Cherb my derb’? Call the police? That would be mad. But at the same time it wouldn’t really be as cherb my derb actually means ‘I’m going to hit you in the face’. What are you going to do?

Matt later shares a story where he yelled at a student for activating the fire alarm. What if there was a fire? Maybe Matt knew there was indeed a fire and was angry someone tried to stop it as the teacher wanted to blow the building up. And before you accuse me of being judgemental, it can happen to all of us! :) I’ll say it again, I’m on meds partially for that reason. End the stigma, it’s a like a catchphrase for me. I think I’ve said that three times, now. The power of threes. It’s certainly powerful when someone discusses Fight Club becoming real! Another teacher talks about getting children to open up by making them sell their phones to him. That’s not the kind of stuff I learnt in school, but great news for the mobile phone companies of the future, they’ll have loads of workers. Such companies have a nemesis though, and that’s me. What if I lose my phone? I’ll have to get another, I’ll have to tell EVERYONE my new number and not only that, people will read my various text messages about my blood test appointments being moved to later dates. Oh yeah, the blood taking people look unprofessional not me, so it’s not so bad. I’ve actually seen someone SERIOUSLY lose it when he got fed up with such people. :S How would I sell a phone? I’d probably say buy the cheapest one you can and never really use it, and that means there’s no real need to invest in more mobile technology. With the saved money, why not colonise the moon?! Do mobiles that fold really matter?

Another teacher says people make better writers if they don’t give one word answers to questions. I think I’m a fairly decent writer and I loved giving one word answers in school! I wasn’t a good writer THEN sure, but I got there in the end! A teacher also talks about songs having multiple meanings. It’s uncreative of me, but I usually take song lyrics literally. There’s a Cure song called ‘The Forest’ with words describing someone getting lost in the woods, and it’s apparently about someone not being able to find a relationship with someone, or something like that. Why’s the song so creepy sounding, then? If you were literally lost in a forest, THAT’S a reason to be creeped out, you should be more SAD if you can’t find a girlfriend and yeah, that’s why I often like to take such words in a more ‘basic’ way. There are some songs where I do like the intended meaning though, for example Iron Maiden’s ‘When the Wild Wind Blows’ The lyrics are so sad! I also like ‘Elizabeth’ by Team Sleep. Is that about someone going schizo or something? Right, that’s the podcast reviewed by me! To save time writing another monologue, I think I should apologise to all the teachers who featured in the show for accusing them of potential terrorism. Now check out the video below!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gSUAmd2VfXU