Contest 99!! (Blog 554)

It’s time for another Matt inspired podcast blog! We’re coming up to 100 contests now, and I’m sure it will very special, but you know what? 99 is a cool looking number, too! Now let’s talk about what the three podcasters say! Matt starts the show by saying he’s a standup comedian and actor, and soon after he points out how he didn’t mention he’s also a teacher, making it seem like he conned his way into the latter profession or at very least the school-themed podcast for a few seconds. Matt probably doesn’t know about him, but do you know who also pretended he was a teacher? James Ziegler. Things are only getting weirder, I’m afraid. To spice this blog up, I’m having an interview with death metal band Eternal Stab, later on. Basically, Matt… Long story. Anyway, Matt later says there are probably some pupils who watch the show, just to see the teachers have a meltdown. Yes, I agree with you, children just don’t have fully developed brains that’s all. It’s rather like driving a car with flat tires. Working with them IS possible, but maybe you’d rather take a train? On the plus side… more views! It’s like when I complained about my site not working to the Wix staff, with all the extra hits I got, I made about 10p from them!

Matt also says that in your thirties you think to yourself ‘I can’t do the same kind of things anymore’ or words to that effect. Errr… no, I disagree. It actually gives me something to write about. Would my site be the same if I dealt with everyday problems like a normal person instead of crying? I would say no. Later on, another teacher says he’s 47. He should have said he’s 67, as we all know, kids go crazy for that number. They literally sing and dance about it, and it’s not even a palindrome! Here’s a good number for the youngsters: 03:54 45:30, and you see it simply by watching the podcast! He also says that the advice parents give you as a child matters to you when you grow up. Yes! Never look at the sun! I remember that, as that’s basically all my parents taught me. Wow, Matt later points out children don’t have fully formed brains, as well! Sadly none of us can take credit for the idea though, that was from scientists. :( Wow, it took me 8 and a half minutes to realise there are only two podcasters this time. Maybe Matt took the other guy’s place. No, only joking.

The teacher whose age is almost a highly respected number amongst pupils says you can see a writer’s personality in their work. Or something like that. Oh no. Maybe I should tone my own writings down a bit. Maybe not though, maybe people don’t believe my characters. I couldn’t be Philip the angry gerbil, I couldn’t be. Again Matt, long story. Matt also says he was once assigned as a sub. A sandwich? Whose job was just to ’sit down’? Personally I’d have opened the podcast that way. Matt also mentions super old actor Dick Van Dyke and says people who live to one hundred years old are centurions. Centurions were Roman warriors! You mean centenarian! No actually, who knows? Maybe Mr. Van Dyke is indeed a centurion. If so, I think that’s even more impressive than his acting. You’d think modern armies would have no problem taking on a 100 year old man wearing body armour that weighs as much as him, he must be so fit, too!

Ok, to spice this blog up, here’s the interview I promised…

Simon: Hello, Eternal Stab! Merry Christmas!

ES vocalist: Merry Christmas to you, too.

Simon: Do you wish it could be Christmas every day?

ESV: I wish it could be stab every day…

Simon: Wow, you don’t just save bad grammar for your band name, you actually speak like that as well?

ESV: Sure do.

Simon: Why?

ES guitarist: We can talk however we like. It’s you who has the stupid radio show.

Simon: No, you’re thinking of James. This isn’t a radio show, it’s a blog…

ESG: Oh. Your blog is stupid, then.

Simon: That has been said, but I’m not going to take criticisms for an English band who can’t speak English.

ESG: We can speak English, actually. We don’t stab people over and over again for eternity, we stab someone just the one time, but until the end of time.

Simon: Why?

ES bassist: It just sounds cool.

Simon: Doesn’t sound cool to me, sounds evil…

ESB: I don’t like your tone…

Simon: Do you have a knife on you?

ESB: No…

Simon: And will you and me last until the end of time?

ESB: I don’t know…

Simon: Then continue not liking my tone.

ESB: I don’t have to put up with this, we’re leaving!

Simon: Good! It was clearly a bad idea having you on this blog, the next interview will be with pop band The Globies and the Flerfs. They’re nice people! Time for more blogging!

Wow, Matt later says children write ’67’ on the tables. I read that 67 literally doesn’t mean anything at all. Doesn’t that sound strange to you? I mean people literally obsessing and apparently graffitiing a number that doesn’t even make sense? Why? Maybe the Globies and the Flerfs will offer some insight, they’re a young band. For now though, let’s keep blogging! Right, a teacher says chewing gum ends up everywhere in school, so chewing it shouldn’t be allowed. I’ll tell you what won’t be allowed anymore - Eternal Stab. What an attitude. Whoops, I had to rewind the video there as I completely lost my attention. I’m sure what I missed was very interesting, though. Right, the teachers are discussing whether they could ever date other teachers. Sure, why not? It’s the musicians who need to be approached with caution. Lol, Matt says you have to be careful when dating other people. He has no idea, the people I just spoke to were lunatics. Ok, I’ve lost attention again, but it doesn’t matter as I’ve written a hearty paragraph already. I hope Matt isn’t offended by that, I’m always like that, that’s all. You can imagine my problems in school, the fact I wasn’t wearing glasses when I needed them? Absolutely awful. Now time for a REAL interview…

Simon: Hello, The Globies and the Flerfs!

TGatF vocalist: Thank you for having me!

Simon: Aw, you’re being nice already!

Vocalist: As are you!

Simon: Wow, that was even nicer. Anyway, let’s discuss perhaps the most important issue, here…

Guitarist: What’s that?

Simon: Why do you like 67 so much?

Guitarist: Err…

Simon: You’re not sure?

Bassist: Just a vibe…

Simon: I mean it’s not even a palindrome… How about 66 or 77?

Drummer: Seven seveeeeeeen!!!!!

Bassist: Seven seveeeeen!!!!!!

Vocalist: Se…

Simon (interrupting): Ok, ok, I get the point it’s a nice number.

Vocalist: You were right, it IS better.

Simon: 777?

Vocalist: Either that or 666…

Simon: No, that’s for Eternal Stab, you don’t want to be like them. Talk about something else.

Vocalist: Ok. I know what’s really nice…

Simon: What?

Vocalist: Sharing Matt’s link!

Simon: Oh yes, I forgot about that, here you go…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ypopdtlfjEg

Vocalist: I’ll be watching it, too.

Simon: Will you be able to pay attention to it though? Or will you just be thinking of numbers?

Bassist: Coming for you??

Simon: My taste in numbers is far superior to yours. I don’t think about the one number over and over again, like you clearly do, I love all symmetrical numbers!

Bassist: I don’t like being talked to this way.

Simon: You’re leaving?

Bassist: Yes!

Simon: Oh God, not again. And on that lonely note… bye!