Contest Blog 81 (Blog 446)

For the 81st time, hello Wiedemann comedy contest fans! Things will get a little weird, but I guess no weirder than usual, now let’s go! In Matt’s latest sketch, he plays a taxi driver jealous of a super taxi driver who has all kinds of crazy devices and a great and kind personality, too! I get kinda jealous of all taxi drivers, as their ability to remember destinations over 5 miles away with no satnav is a mad to me. Even with the device, long journeys (6 miles or over) do cause me genuine anxiety, which is why I keep writing about it. It’s therapeutic. I could talk to a therapist hypothetically speaking, but they’d probably just tell me to read the highway code. Then they’d be like ‘Now… about your personality…’ I understand the highway code, I just can’t remember anything beyond the ten minute mark. Of course I wouldn’t say that as I’d look mental. Either that, or it could be suggested I retake my GCSEs to boost my brain power. Dear God no. The thought alone has given me several nightmares and again, in a weird way, typing about that is therapeutic. Ok, my memory isn’t really THAT bad, but as my Twitter memory exercises show, things aren’t 100% hunky dory.

I’m not quite so jealous of kind people though, I don’t know why. I’m more jealous of people like Ozzy Osbourne, not because he’s kind, but because so much of his life was a party. Now I’m a little older and more aware of anti-drugs campaigns, I understand there are serious drawbacks to Ozzy’s lifestyle, but if I could be like him just the once on one of his better days? Sure. And by ‘better days’, I mean in my world view. I don’t necessarily want to be like him on what he considers a better day, as that really could involve anything. You know the bad thing about drugs? The comedown, that’s obvious. However, I heard that smoking cannabis has a similar effect as the feeling you get after working out at the gym. Here’s a thought (can you guess what it is?): Go to the gym. You feel just as good, but without the memory loss, criminal record and paranoid schizophrenia. Also, the drug doesn’t build up any muscle whatsoever, on the contrary it makes you hungrier, making you put on fat. Is that really worth the risk? Illegal things are illegal for a reason. Do you really think cocaine is a good idea in the long run? Or do you think all the related deaths aren’t an issue? If so YOU’RE the one who needs therapy!! I don’t want to alarm you, but you are going to jail and rightly so. Think of the poor person sitting next to you on a train and wondering if he’d make it the rest of the journey.

Now check out Matt’s sketch below!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=APdyV6ibnUg

To conclude, I’m wondering if I need to make another apology for saying the same kind of things again. It’s just I need some kind of therapy and therapists have been a little hit and miss. Some do pretty well and pretend they don’t feel ill others need just a little more training. It also makes sense to apologise to Matt, as I didn’t really talk about him. He has a nice sketch, at least. I admire how the main character only snapped after lots and lots of stories about the apparently perfect other taxi driver. I’d snap after I got driven over 5 miles. How’d you DO that?? I guess people have strengths and weaknesses. I can’t drive properly, but I can say the same stuff over and over again, without feeling any kind regret or even the smallest amount of concern. Also, maybe Matt would take comfort in the fact I also rate his videos and give them a brief comment on my special Facebook page? Sure no one cares about the site other than me, and a lesser man would simply delete it, but hey. Long term readers of my main site (this one) will know only Matt features in my contests, now. Sure he won’t feel any sense of achievement when he wins, but he will at least get some attention! And on that happy note… Bye!