Double Christmas Shop Super Wow! (Blog 555)

Ah blog 555, or as Slipknot would say ‘If you’re 555, then I’m 666! >:(’ I however, am never 666, especially on Christmas. Deep down, I think the same is true for Slipknot. Anyway, to start the Christmas shopping day on the Tuesday, I had my monthly blood test. Not particularly festive but at the same time, it’s not really an issue. It is when I get told to have a second blood test, which I’m convinced is just to study me (how about mind your own business?) but at the time of writing on this Wednesday, that hasn’t happened. When I got home I realised that if I was quick enough, I could jog to the local train station heading for Kingston just in time, but I took things too far and arrived 10 minutes early. Slightly annoying, but at the same time… fast jogging! When I got to the first music shop in the town, I took a gamble with three albums I never heard of in the emo and punk section. Why have two styles in the same place? Well, against all reason, punk and emo do often have a lot in common. Not all the time though, you can’t make an argument that The Sex Pistols play any kind of emo.

The second music store I went to had a proper metal section, and it was there I bought myself a Staind CD. Not so much a gamble there, Staind are awesome. Oh if only you could find Staind in Staines, that would be a nice play on words. Sadly the music shop in that town is relatively small. :( They might have Staind, though. But probably not. The second CD in the second shop I bought was ‘Garage Inc.’ by Metallica, which is a covers album. I got it for I think an 18 year old who I know is in my family, but I’m not 100% how she’s related to me, so I’ll just call her ‘Girl A’. Don’t worry, I DO know her name. Anyway, I thought it would be a good present as not only does she like metal music, it is heavily contributing to her heavy metal education. Not only will she be hearing Metallica, but the band playing several other bands. Perfect! I actually own that album already. A lesser person would keep the new one for himself and give away the old copy. Not me.

After that, I bought everyone cards… for over £30!! How can you justify selling decorated pieces of paper for that much? My word. That was all the shopping I wanted to do in Kingston (and shopping I didn’t want to do), so I walked back to the station. I missed the train home by one minute!! Last time I was in the area, I jogged back and was just in time, I should have done that, yesterday. What’s really annoying is I was thinking about jogging on Tuesday, but I decided not to for no real reason. Don’t always trust your subconscious, I guess. Unless your subconscious is really powerful maybe? Maybe deep down I missed the train on purpose, because the people on it were really annoying and I would be better off waiting around a while. That’s what I like to tell myself, but if I’m wrong and refuse to accept that, it does point to schizophrenia again. Anyway, when I saw lots of people leaving the station, I was hoping they were coming from London city. Maybe they were travelling to the town of kings for a less busy vibe, like people leaving the city for the countryside but on a smaller scale, but it wasn’t to be. Again, I missed the train I actually wanted. No wait, I’ve just realised the train I missed WAS leaving London and that’s the one I was supposed to take. Oh forget it.

Next came the Staines shopping! In the carpark, I saw an EVH numberplate, again! Not only that, it was a different vehicle to last time, I remember it well! That means two lucky so and sos have the Van Halen plate! I also saw an AVH numberplate the other day, that of course referring to Eddie’s drumming brother Alex. The first of two ticket machines didn’t accept my credit card for whatever reason. Oh no, what to do? Not to worry, I had £4 of change ready in my car which was JUST enough to cover 3 hours in the park. I was planning to spend that on tipping the pizza delivery guy a good four times. Practical Simon! The second ticket machine did work though, so remember kids, not everything is a sign, I can’t stress that enough. Getting the most boring stuff out of the way first, like all sensible shoppers do, I bought myself vitamin D supplements and two disposable, electric toothbrushes. I clearly can’t be trusted with regular toothbrushes as I tried one recently and just hurt my gums. Anyway, I worked out how to pay for the three items myself in a self checkout and I even worked out where the ‘bagging area’ was, even though no bags were on it. Cool!

Earlier on in the morning I was told by my brother to get my 14 year old niece a jumper from JD. Oh no! I soon realised that I didn’t know where that was in Staines! Deadbeat uncle! I thought my sibling was referring to H&M! Not to worry, the latter shop sold the exact same thing. Things weren’t all that great though, as I had to pay more than twice the price my brother said I would. It was by far the most expensive present I bought the whole day for the children at least, hopefully that won’t be interpreted as favouritism. Next came the toy shopping in Smyths for both the younger relatives and my brother, the latter wanting a new Nintendo Switch controller. Sadly two of the presents I was told to get by my brother for the kids were too specific and I couldn’t find them. Again, deadbeat uncle ruins Christmas. No, I’m sure I’ll be fine, as I was at least fairly close to what I was told to get. I at very least did buy a game for the right computer console, otherwise it wouldn’t work.

Next came the burger and chips eating in Five Guys! Red Hot Chilli Peppers played in the background as I waited for my food… Nice choice! What played after that? I don’t know as I put my ear plugs in and couldn’t hear much other than me chomping. It’s worth noting that the ‘small’ portion of chips I ordered was massive. I got more than I wanted again, just saying. I then got a milkshake from a nearby cafe as huge shakes weren’t forced upon me like they are in FG, and I got a muffin, too. A hearty meal! When I got home, I watched the last few minutes of children’s cartoon Despicable Me, where a character told some children to jump in his arms from a speeding plane. Imagine if he didn’t catch them and then said something like ‘Oh (expletive)!’ Film ruined, right? To wrap things up, remember when I said ‘bishop’ was the most Christmassy word in my Christmas word ranking monologue, because I didn’t want to offend bishops? Of course by saying bishops were more Christmassy than Father Christmas, I did of course offend Santa. So sorry, Santa! All cleared up? Good, bye!