Hair Cut and Stuff (Blog 499)

A good few years ago now, I put my credit card in a so called ‘credit card machine’ and the machine stole it. I complained in the shop the machine was connected to and they said there was nothing they could do, my card was gone forever. I’m still bitter about it, so my plan is to buy some petrol and then withdraw some cash to pay for my hair cut very shortly after. If the machine takes my card again, I will say to the people in the petrol station ‘I would love to pay for the petrol, but my card has been stolen by you forever and there is nothing I can do.’ Sounds vindictive, right? Yeah? Well I don’t care. And don’t think I’m joking either, that IS what I’m going to do. Having said that, I’ve used cash machines hundreds of times and my card has only been taken the once, so I should be fine anyway. I guess I’ll see.

Nope, I didn’t get my credit card stolen. Swings and roundabouts. How did the following drive to the hairdresser go? Pretty good! The car parking was drawn out as per usual with the various checks and all, but in the end I was fine. The hairdresser pointed out that it would be easier to cut my hair with my hood down. Yes! I would even say it would be a lot easier! If his studio was a bit warmer, there would be no need for the hood, but to be fair, I did soon get a cloak to cover me, so I didn’t get my hair all over me. A thin cloak, but it made a difference. I hate to say this, but his studio was a bit messy, too. Not covered in hair (until I left meheheh), but certainly a little on the disorganised side. In comparison, would you trust a messy lawyer, or would you be worried about him and your case? You could say haircuts aren’t as important as the threat of jail. Well, I would disagree.

It has to be the itchiest feeling in the world when a bit of your own hair lands on your face. You have to be careful when scratching yourself, you know? Scratch your nose and it will look like you’re saying ‘I know what you’re thinking’, scratch your chin and you will be saying ‘you’re full of crap’ and scratch your temple and you’ll be saying ‘you’re mental.’ You can wait until the hairdresser walks away from you to get a different sized razor or whatever, but if you get caught scratching, the guy will be thinking ‘I’ve never seen someone scratch himself so shiftily. What in the world does that even mean?’ That’s basically what just happened to me. On the plus side, when everything was over I handed my money over and got about £1 change! An excellent amount of money for the pizza delivery guy later! For whatever reason, shops can’t give you pound coins if you try and pay for them by credit card, you’d think they’d have lots of money, but again, that doesn’t matter today.

Simon: Ah, the Dominant Egg has just arrived, great.

DE: Sorry for being late.

Simon: No problem. You don’t have to worry about barbers, do you?

DE: Nope, I couldn’t be even the slightest bit more bald, not like my fiancé, boo.

Simon: You’r fiancé, boo?

DE: She’s rubbing off on me, I can’t help it, boo boo!

Simon: Dammit, you have a film to work on coming up, you need to be professional!

DE: I can’t, boo boo!

Simon: Charlie! Snap out of it!

DE: Boo booo booooo!

Simon: You’re crying!

DE: I know!

Simon: You’re a tough egg playing an egg gangster! You cannot show weakness on set!

DE: Booooooooo!

Simon: Look, here’s a funny story. When it’s over, I want you to be back to normal. Ok?

DE: Boo!

Simon: Ok, just now I noticed I have a scratch on my face about an inch long. How did it get there?? My soap hasn’t been screwing my face up, has it? Yes, you’re only supposed to use it once a day and I use it twice, but surely it isn’t THAT strong? It’s just soap! My dog didn’t break into my bedroom by jumping on the door handle, scratch me and go back to sleeping with my dad, surely? It would be completely out of character! Then I realised, I must have got the injury when a bit of hair landed on my face in the hair dresser’s, and as I needed to scratch so bad, I must have dug in hard. Problem solved!

DE: That was a good story, actually.

Simon: You’re all booed out?

DE: Yes. Yes, I think so.

Simon: I want you to act for me, now.

DE: Of course, here goes: Do you know who I am? I’m the Dominant Egg! So you better not upset me, or I’ll   I’ll mess you up Charlie style!

Simon: I’m chilled to the bone.

DE: Thanks.

Simon: But again, do not, repeat DO NOT say ‘boo’ afterwards and then start crying.

DE: It wouldn’t be tough.

Simon: Exactly. Crazy maybe. Not tough.

DE: Or just plain weird.

Simon: Are you starring in any softer films? A romantic comedy maybe? THEN you can say ‘boo’ and cry as often you like.

DE: Well, as I said, I’m all booed out.

Simon: A new phrase, but I think it will catch on!

DE: Yes, see a sad film and start crying. In the end, you will be all booed out.

Simon: I just have to do one simple check, then you can claim the phrase as your own. Even though I said it first.

DE: What check?

Simon: Advanced search on Google.

DE: …

Simon: Well, against all reason ‘all booed out’ has been said before. A good few times, as well.

DE: What’s it mean?

Simon: I think it means getting tired of saying ‘boo’…

DE: Wow, the exact same usage as our’s!

Simon: It’s a strange world.

DE: Anything on your mind now?

Simon: Nope, I’m all blogged out.

DE: Is that a new phrase?

Simon: No, it’s actually a lot more common than all booed out…

DE: Darn.

Simon: Bye!