Hampton Court Part 2! (Blog 541)

Today I went to Hampton Court again, this time with my dad, brother, two mini nieces and nephew! To start things off, my dad couldn’t work out how to use the ticket machine in the carpark near the attraction and held a line of people up. In fact, people were so annoyed they said ‘off with his head!’ Ok, they didn’t really but if King Henry VIII was still around in his court, that’s what he’d say. Unless my dad could try to win his favour by impressing him. My dad can play some basic acoustic guitar songs, maybe he could play Greensleeves! However, if my dad points out that is possible the king didn’t in fact compose the song like the ruler claimed, that would make him really mad. Not to worry though, if the king is still alive, he’d be 534 years old which is impossible, unless of course he is really a tree. And how would that work? It would make history more interesting, but at the same time it would make it overcomplicated.

Soon after entering the attraction, I noticed a sign saying ‘Caution pedestrians.’ I’m a pedestrian at least at times. People don’t need to be cautious around me, do they? It’s like those signs saying ‘don’t abuse our staff’. I wasn’t going to! And if you are someone who abuses staff, do you pay attention to such signs, anyway? Ever seen someone shout at a receptionist, see a sign and then apologise shortly afterwards? Neither have I. In fact, I think such signs are putting bad thoughts into people’s minds. By that I mean I wouldn’t normally shout at a receptionist, but if I see a sign telling me not to, I’m reminded of the videos I see on Youtube telling me ‘not to touch my mouse’ (which I always do), and then I fly into a rage just for the sake of being rebellious. Lesson of the day? Don’t bother telling me not to touch my mouse! Yes, I’ve read that paragraph back to me and it doesn’t put me in a good light, but my point is still a good one.

The first thing we all did was visit a play area. Did King Henry VIII have a play area, or was it a recent add on? Because the place had a slide. Can you picture the king saying ‘weeee’? I’m asking that because he executed a lot of people. He kills someone and then has a go on a slide? If anything, that makes him a more frightening person. I’m also wondering if he liked sliding down hills with astroturf on them and turning round and round in spinning roundabouts. I tried sliding down such a hill and personally found it to be just ok. I’m glad I tried it, though. Now I know what it’s like to be a toddler - pretty meh. Wow, I’ve just had a flashback from infant school and I remember LOVING rolling downhills. I guess a small part of me has died since then, but I’ll move on.

Soon after that stuff, everyone went to the toilet apart from me. It was there where I saw a sign on a bin saying ‘General waste only’. Wow, everyone went to a toilet that was only for the mysterious warlord ‘General Waste.’ Is Waste an obscure surname or is the general known for throwing way too much food away? Let’s see if Google can offer some clues. Yes, it is a surname, meaning a desert or uncultivated land. Poor general, I guess. With people wrongly accusing him of squandering food, I mean. Not only that, everyone illegally used his toilet!

After that, the children played in the sand pit for ages. It was at that point I brought up the neat fact that there are as many grains of sand on Earth as there are stars in the universe. My dad said he knew that, but said he doubted anyone counted. Well, you can make an estimate, can’t you? Probably not a precise number sure, but I can picture the people who count to a million on Youtube and with no breaks being up to the challenge. However, I’d talk them out of it, it really is a waste of life. If you want to go to jail and assault a prison guard though, you’d probably deal with solitary confinement very well, which is something. The fact I’m saying that does suggest people should be cautious around me. :S After that stuff, we went to a cafe where I bought a blueberry muffin and orange juice. The trip out up until then didn’t remind me TOO much of King Henry VIII, but I guess there was still time.

In the cafe, I saw yet another old mental home resident! He had a catchphrase I remember very well that went ‘I need a mocha to calm my nerves’ which he seemed to say every few seconds. Actually I think mochas would make things worse being a caffeinated drink and all, but who am I to say what works for him? I noticed he had a drink in his hand, but it couldn’t be a mocha, right? It would be too much of a coincidence. After the eating and drinking, to be fair we did explore the palace. For about 10 minutes or so. When leaving the attraction, I actually think I saw Yoko Ono, but maybe not as she is now 92 and living in America. Unless she’s very mobile and on holiday, maybe? And that was the trip out, bye!