January the Trilogy (Blog 494)

As I’m typing on a Sunday, my brother and his family SHOULD be visiting me and my dad later on. In the meantime, I have a few things to say. First up, I noticed I lost a Facebook friend. Who would do such a thing? It’s making me look like an asshole. Eventually I worked out who it was, and on her page she explained she unfriended lots of people she never talks to or whatever. It upset me a little bit as I liked a few of her posts and gave her online hugs, but I guess she had her reasons. So now I’m down to 30 friends. On the plus side, that did make finding out who digitally powned me relatively easy. Only joking she didn’t really pown me, especially as she explained she will still be talking to people she unfriended, but how about only unfriending people who have say a thousand Face friends? Because it would annoy them? Good because they annoy me.

Second, which album do you think is heavier? ‘Sunbather’ by Deafheaven, or ‘Infinite Granite’ by the same band? You said the latter because of the name alone, right? Actually it’s the former! It’s actually a very heavy album, I guess because the musicians hate Summer just as much as me. I read that sunny weather causes feelings of wellbeing. Nope, I’ve never felt that way about the season in my life. I’ve coincidentally felt happy in Summer, but if I was cooler I would have been even happier. Deftones have a song about how much they hate Summer called ‘My Own Summer’ and the lead singer said he loves Hum and Weezer, just like me! If we ever met and discussed music and Summer, we’d get on like a house on fire! As he’s very busy with his band, he probably does only do things concerning music. Not just in Summer, though. If he wants to talk about the other seasons, that’s fine!

Nope, my brother WON’T be visiting me as his children aren’t well. God knows what I’ll talk about now. I could go for a walk, but it’s cold outside and I woke up feeling kind of ill as well! Now I’m 36, I can’t handle the cold nearly as well as I used to, but you know what? I can certainly exercise for longer! When I was in secondary school I hated the thought of running around a field for 6 or 7 minutes, it was like some kind of crazy feat! Swings and roundabouts and all that. I guess my hair will be going grey soon, but you know what cheers me up? Young people dying their hair grey! Why they do that, I don’t know, but it makes me feel admired in a weird way. Next thing you know, youngsters will have replacement hips. Not because they need them, but because they find the idea cool.

I’ve just turned on the radio and the end section of Led Zeppelin’s ‘Whole Lotta Love’ was playing. I’m wondering if the lengthy noise middle section was edited out. I’m curious because if a listener did tune into the station when the noises and the singer going ‘ah ah ah ah ahhhhhh arghhhhhhhhhhh!!!’ over the top of them played, he would be confused, wouldn’t he? In the worst case scenario he could assume the song is a new fashion that is intended to be arty but actually really sucks. The art equivalent of the music would be a banana taped to a wall, and who wants to see that, really? You know my idea for a modern art masterpiece? A cherry taped to a wall. You could argue it’s more or less the same thing, but I like cherries more than bananas, so you could argue my version is better, at least tastier!

I’ve just read the artist taped such a fruit to give the message that ‘art can be anything it wants to be’ and he WAS going to make a bronze sculpture of a banana but THEN he used a real banana as it sent a more powerful message. Oh suuuure. It was because it was easier, wasn’t it? I get the feeling the artist was a master of excuses at school. Maybe he said stuff like ‘I did do my homework, but I was so inspired by it, I ate it.’ You know what happened when I didn’t do my homework? Teachers were just like ‘Oh that’s just Simon being Simon. Let’s ignore him’. Technically I did do at least some work at times, I just did it very, very badly. An intellectual fail there, but I think in the end it worked out for me. Only joking, there was nothing positive about that whatsoever, obviously. Other than me not doing any work.

Even though I’ve eaten a fair amount already, I’m still hungry. I often find I eat quite a lot on the gym off day that is Sunday, without me putting on any weight! I want a pan cake, and Greek speakers out there will know ‘pan’ means ‘everything’ and right now I do feel like eating everything, i.e. an everything cake. All of the pan cakes I’ve seen have been relatively tiny when compared to everything, though. Why is that? Surely it’s illegal to make false claims in advertising? It’s like me claiming I’m the size of the universe, then me explaining that I’m huge compared to an ant, at least. Then people would be like ‘fair point’ and never speak a word about it again. Speaking of food, I just ate a freak crisp in the shape of a hollowed out ball. What a day.

Now what to say? Ah yes, I’m thinking I should cut fizzy drinks out of my life as I’d much rather replace them with more chocolate, especially as I don’t really like the drinks that much. You know what I do love? Ginger shots, they’re delicious! Not only that, Google says the shots fight cancer, improve heart health and lower blood sugar levels. Good luck to a fizzy drink doing that. I really don’t know what else to talk about, most of my day will be just me sitting by my computer… for the third time this month!!! You can see why I’ve been on a bit of a downer since Christmas even though I thought I was getting better. I recently heard part of the song that goes ‘It’s the most wonderful time of year!’ I thought it wouldn’t get to me, but it did. You know what, I think that’s enough blogging bye! No there’s one more thing, I’ve been watching a Youtube video about famous people’s last words. You know what I want my last words to be? ‘Hash browns!’ Now bye!