Mini Trains Part Simon’s Number (Blog 443)

Today, I went to the mini trains place for the Simon’th Number time! Ah, Simon’s Number. Little did I realise at the time of its invention how much use I’d get out of it. It’s a big number, so it does take a lot of brain power to fully understand or even partially understand, but once you do, tell it to your math’s teacher to impress her. I say ‘her’ as almost all my maths teachers were women. Why that is, I don’t know. Are women more logical than men? That doesn’t sound right. Do women like causing more mental pain? Again, I’d say no, so it has to remain a mystery. Much like my special number is to those who can’t handle it! Anyway, me and my dad drove to the place before my brother’s family made their way there, so my dad could pick up weeds on the tracks before the place opened to the public. On the drive, I noticed I guess a sign (not really sure what to call it) by the road with the numbers ‘0765’ on it. So what? Well, interestingly they are the first four notes (of guitar tab) of Black Sabbath’s doomy song ‘Electric Funeral’! Would the notes be prophetic? A bad omen for the day? I’d have to wait and see.

When my dad arrived at the place and signed in, he wrote down that it was 11:30. It was actually almost 12. First up, there was a clock right in front of him at the time, and if that wasn’t bad enough, 11:30 was the time we left! How fast does he think he was driving?? He must have thought he had an incredible rocket car! Either that or he was being passive aggressive and saying ‘screw you’ to the system, but I think it could well be both. As hinted at, me and my dad roamed on the traffic-less train tracks picking up weeds. Well he did, anyway. I just followed him. In a podcast, my alter ego that is James explained that he sometimes feels sluggish, I felt sluggish too, so I couldn’t really be bothered. We were told to be on the lookout for a wedding ring as someone lost one somewhere. Sadly, the mentality of many children is the phrase ‘finders keepers’ and in mere minutes, many children would be let loose in the area. Long story short, no one found the ring (it would seem), but maybe that was for the best.

After the rails were explored, me and my dad didn’t know what to do, so we sat alone in his car in silence. For 30 minutes. The atmosphere was one of a funeral and as my dad’s vehicle had electric features, it was an electric funeral, further evidence that numbers including the ones recently mentioned have very special meanings. And if you’ve read my ‘what do numbers mean’ monologues, you will know 0765 means ‘no luck, evil five stars’ or rather ‘no luck, five star evil,’ or rather ‘no luck, maximum evil.’ The numbers sum up the evil song mentioned AND the evil funeral vibes in the car. After a fair amount of intense boredom, my brother’s family was seen in his car, parking! One of the first things I asked my sibling was if he was wearing any suntan lotion. He wasn’t, but I said I sure was, I learned my lesson from a couple of weeks ago. My sister in law said ‘are you wearing any suntan lotion on your nose, lol’ as I burnt my nose and neck not long ago. So I simply said ‘Yes, lol!’ I guess it is funny covering just the back of your neck and your nose in suntan lotion as my sis in law then assumed, as I find the nose to be one of the silliest body parts. However, I actually covered a whole lot of myself in such a product. Sensible Simon!

I explained that suntan lotion has more a less the same effect on preventing wrinkles caused by the sun as beauty products. Why I’m such an expert on that I don’t know. If anything it’s kind of embarrassing but I do think I did the right thing spreading my knowledge. On the plus side, I wasn’t the first one to mention wrinkles, so it wasn’t as bad. One of the first things we all did was ride the trains! That sounds simple enough, but we did have to pretend the youngest child (who was two years old) was three. Not to worry, no questions were asked. Respect has the go out to the youngster for appearing so grown up and mature! The train ride was enjoyed by all and if the speed frills weren’t enough, there was a nice breeze, too. I hate to sound even more shifty, but when the ride was over and I examined the tickets on closer inspection, I pointed out how easy it would be to photocopy the tickets and sell them at half price. Crime number 2. Not long after, some of the tickets for the second ride were lost, but we were allowed to ride the tracks again at no extra cost. (Crime number 3). The second ride was a lot more dramatic as my seat collapsed! Not only that, it did so in the worst place imaginable, that being the tunnel. Falling out of a moving mini train is one thing, but if I fell out in a tunnel I’d be crushed! Stupid train. Not to worry, after the ride, we all enjoyed some ice cream! Not bad! That was pretty much the whole day out, so bye!