MOT! (Mega Overhaul Time!) (Blog 585)

Yesterday I went to get my car’s MOT sorted out! To start things off, I handed my previously written mobile phone number (how’s about that for organisation??) to the receptionist, but she didn’t take my number, she wrote it down for herself. On the one hand that suggests she doesn’t trust my handwriting, but on the plus side I could keep my phone number for myself. I guess as numbers go, it is aesthetically pleasing. It has a wide variety of digits, I mean. Would you believe that as I left the MOT centre to get some food, I kept my phone turned on? I brought it with me AND I didn’t turn it off?? A very strange feeling. Very modern. As I opened the Subway door, I noticed it didn’t say ‘push’ on it, but ‘rush’. It seems someone out there has committed a minor act of vandalism by scraping some of the paint of the door handle to alter the spelling and for whatever reason, they wanted me to rush opening entrances. Sounds like a schizo to me, it’s not normal, rational behaviour is it? It didn’t work though, I opened the door at a normal speed. As I had a Subway the last time I went into London, I got a difference sandwich, yesterday. That sounds normal, but my regular habit is to eat the same food over and over again until I get sick of it. I like to think I’ve grown. I asked if I could have 3 hash browns, but I was told I’d have to buy at least 6. But I wanted to get some tasty, sugary treats from another shop, I wasn’t hungry enough for 6! Oh if only Subway could plan as well as me!

Still in the Subway, I later heard a customer asking for a pizza slice. I never knew they did pizza slices, I’m always up for any kind of pizza, slice form is ok, too! It was annoying I missed out, although I have noticed Papa John’s have a good few new pizzas for me to check out, and they allow me to mix the new ones up with half and half meals, as well! Usually the company only let you eat one pizza at a time in their newer creations, good move PJ! They’ve hooked me in. In a way, I feel like a poor, helpless fish and I wouldn’t have it any other way. THEN I went to get the tasty sugary treats. Because I’m a full blown addict and no longer have the ability to ignore any kinds of chocolates/muffins, etc., I ordered a large donut AND a custard tart. I like to think I made the right choice, but thank God my teeth aren’t conscious otherwise they’d hate me. Can you imagine a part of your own body hating you? Imagine you playing constant pranks on yourself and you just have to deal with it, I’d HATE that. Your teeth would be like ‘Ooh, that Coca Cola looks nice, I say drink it. It may be sugary, but that’s ok!’ Then when you drink it, you find it’s watery mud. You can’t function that way, imagine if your boss found out! He’d be like ‘Sorry Simon, but my customers think you’re well beyond creepy.’ Ouch.

Out of the sweety shop window, I noticed one establishment called ‘Super Pizza’ and another business called ‘Super Grill’ right next to it. Be more creative! Either neither company is really into their line of work, or it’s just the one company and it’s competing with itself. Subway have been accused of competing with themselves by having too many restaurants too near to each other, but at least they’ve never put two of their fooderies IMMEDIATELY by one another and called one shop ‘Subway’ and another ‘Super Subway’. After that, I walked around Sainsbury’s for something to  do. It was mostly a waste of time, although I did spot someone who looked like Hugh Dennis, which I think justified the wander. I then walked into a burger place, also for something to write about and noticed the ‘push’ message on the door hadn’t been altered. I guess the Subway criminal isn’t as prolific as I once feared. Phew! Otherwise it would be anarchy! After that, I walked back to the MOT place and was told I needed a new tyre. They could have phoned me about that, so they won’t be getting a five stars from me. I could give a four star review though, saying ‘professional people, but you want to give them your contact details? Don’t bother. :(‘

So I failed my test? Oh no, how will I go to the gym, etc.?? They said they could order a tyre, but that would take ages. Then in a moment of genius, I thought ‘I could get my tyres done in the tyre place! It really is what they specialise in!’ I was told that would be ok, so I got in my faulty-tyred car and did some driving. When I got there, I was told they didn’t have any tyres and they’d have to order some. A tyre place with no tyres? Okaaay. I explained my confusion and then I was told I entered the wrong business, I entered a car servicing company. Whoops. Not to worry, the right place was just a few metres away! There, I was asked if I’d like a new tyre or a used one, and I thought to myself I should splurge and get the former. Oh no! They needed a special tool to add the wheel that should have been in my glove compartment but wasn’t?? It wasn’t in my boot either! Argh! I found something, but when showing it to the mechanic, he said it looked like lipstick. Not to worry again though, as for whatever reason, fitting a USED tyre wouldn’t require the tool I needed but didn’t have. Cars are confusing aren’t they? That went way over my head, I can tell you. I was relieved, though. My car didn’t look QUITE as new as it could, but hey, who looks at car wheels and tuts about them looking old? And even if they do, screw them, I don’t have to put up with that nonsense. Anyway, long story short I went back to the MOT place and was told I was fine! Phew! And bye!