New Computer! (Blog 540)

You know when I said I could update my computer with software, but not the very latest version of it a few days ago? That’s because my computer was too old for the latter. Time for a new computer then, I guess. A stressful period for a technophobe such as myself but to be fair, setting up my last computer wasn’t actually that bad. A bit boring maybe, maybe it even seemed to be an annoying waste of life, but you shouldn’t live in the now actually, despite seemingly EVERYONE saying that, I think in times like these you should look to an optimistic future. :P Well I said it wasn’t that bad last time around, this time things were a little more complicated in that I didn’t want to transfer all my documents and programs from my old Mac to my new one, but mostly the files that I saved on my desktop. How do you do that? No idea, I had to phone for support.

Despite all the instructions I was given, the call actually went very well. I was given dozens of instructions if anything, the downside being anyone could understand them, but as I said, I’m a technophobe so the fact things went well had a very powerful effect on me. The call had to be cut short however, when it turned out my new computer needed an update. I guess I’d have to call back when that stuff was over. Wow, the update sure took a lot less time than it would have done on my old Mac, that was insane! And it didn’t crash! Time to call back, I guess. The 2nd call was with someone else, but notes were taken by the other guy about my case, so I didn’t have to explain myself again. THAT’S efficiency. The people on the phone were surprisingly patient as well, there was lots of silence as I waited for things to load and for me to get various information, etc., lesser people would get mad. But not them.

So yeah, how could anyone get angry with such service? I’m just saying that as before your call gets answered, you get a warning telling you not to abuse the staff. I’d go even further and say I love the staff, they really are very, very helpful. And they boosted my self-esteem! Even though I felt better about myself and my rational abilities I was relieved the call was finally over, though. Simple instructions yes, but at the same time a bit much. Pushing things a little, you could say. Anyway, when ‘I’ finally worked out how to transfer only the files that I wanted onto my new device, I apparently had to wait a rather long time for everything to be loaded up. It took 5 minutes to transfer just one file of around 153,000? So that means everything would take about 750,000 minutes? How many hours is that? A lot anyway. And how many days is that? Oh never mind. Not to worry though, just seconds later my computer said it would take just 19 hours. Unless of course my perception of time had drastically been altered somehow and the months just flew by… No. That’s insane.

A good time to chill out and watch TV, I guess. It was at that point I was told the download would take just 2 hours. Ah, just right. The perfect amount of time to relax after going through an intense firestorm of logic and mental stamina. On TV, I heard someone mention David Bowie. Is it pronounced Bowie as in ‘ow, (expletive)!’ or is it pronounced Bowie as in the thing you wear on your neck? Sadly, as he is now dead, no one will ever know for sure. You could ask his relatives, but would they tell the truth or would they refuse to answer to keep the legend alive and add intrigue? If the latter, I completely get that. Is it ‘weederman’ ‘videman’ or ‘veederman’? You’ll never know! Speaking of name confusion, I was then sent some mail and it was addressed to my dad who was called Mr. Wiepemann. That’s been going on for well over a year, now.

As I am conscientious Simon, I then wrote some jokes as I watched telly. Here goes: ‘What do you call Jeff on a rollercoaster? Jeff-wee!’ However, without my computer readily available to check if that gag was original, I didn’t realise that it’s just a variant on my old joke ‘What was Jeff called as a small child?’ Dammit. All the Jeffs out there will appreciate the extra attention though, I am sure. Here’s an original joke: ‘What’s the difference between a stupid person and someone who doesn’t notice an Irishman? One’s an ignoramus, the other’s an ignore Seamus’. Also, what’s the difference the difference between a foreigner and my best friend Grant? One’s a migrant, the other’s my Grant. OR, what do you call my best friend Grant who is foreign? My Grant. Still needs work, doesn’t it? I’ll keep trying. You can’t say ‘he’s a my Grant’ can you? That’s what’s giving me problems.

Here’s a good joke: ‘Why was the model conscious? He was a wear.’ This isn’t quite as good, but ‘Why was the man hot when he was over the male teddy bear? He was over he ted.’ And ‘Why did the thing above the warrior happen in darkness? It was over knight.’ Here’s something interesting I heard on TV: ‘They use fake names - Harry Burger Bons’. That’s what I heard, anyway. Do people really call themselves things like Harry Burger Bons, even if IS a fake name? Surely not. I wish they do, though. Next joke is ‘Why was the man beneath the indoor, sick insects drunk? He was under the in-flu-ants.’ -_- Right! When everything was fully downloaded, it was time to uninstall Norton from my old computer and onto my new one. It sounds impressive, but I did so using only my new Mac. That’s tech wizardry! Just in case the files I uploaded had a virus or I was given an infected new Mac by an incompetent worker, I scanned my computer for viruses. It was done in less than a 30th of the time I’m used to! Wowee!

Annoyingly I checked my new Mac for updates and I had to do another upgrade! I was a little bit annoyed that wasn’t done for me, but to be fair it is a very new add-on. It’s from last Monday to be precise, although if Apple really do want the A star grade, that’s the kind of stuff they can sort out. I was sure the update would turn out fine, though and it did! In around a tenth of the time. I really do seem to be working on a super computer, right now. You know what this means? It means I don’t have to worry about that kind of stuff anymore! Updates were perhaps the things that bothered me most in the world!! For the icing on the cake, I changed my Mac background to a calming sea and sunset view. My old Mac had a background of a city at night. Who feels calm in a city at night? Scared, maybe. And that’s all I have to say, other than my relieved levels are through the roof! :O Bye!