New Mouthwash! (Blog 547)

Plaque on my teeth is already building up despite my recent dentist appointment, so I thought I’d try mouthwash again, but a different brand this time. The first one stained my teeth, so I did some light research and asked the internet if you can get mouthwash that doesn’t leave any marks. I think I’ve found a suitable product but before I get around to that, I want to get some hardcore complaining out of the way. So, I read that the stuff’s dye may have caused my teeth to be discoloured. What’s the point of dye? Do you really think I care how mouthwash looks if I put it in my mouth? I don’t wear it do I? Other sources however say it’s the alcohol that stains your teeth, which is why the newer brand contains none of the ingredient. Similarly I don’t want to get drunk off mouthwash. Right, that’s at least some complaining out of the way. You’d think the newer recommended product would be more expensive, actually it’s cheaper making me sceptical. If it does end up staining my teeth, I will loose me poo. The internet says if I follow the mouthwash’s instructions I should be fine, though. First up, there are no instructions, second, how complicated can it be? Is there anyway you can misuse mouthwash? Well done, you’ve put it in your mouth. Oh no, what are you doing? Spitting it out and snorting it? You were so close, if only you followed the instructions.

It should be pointed out how the so called ‘better’ mouthwash also has dye in it. For God’s sake, I don’t care what it looks like! I get how light blue is physically appealing and I suppose it does fit in with the ‘cool mint’ flavour (unless you’re a chocolate lover, then you’d probably associate mint more with green) but the whole point of mouthwash is to improve your teeth, isn’t it? If it wasn’t clear enough already, in some ways it makes your teeth worse! I heard that the stronger mouthwashes are more for treating tooth infections rather than simply cleaning them. Ok fair enough, a rotten tooth is worse than a tooth with some brown stains, but that doesn’t explain the point of dying something no one will ever see for more than a couple of seconds or so. This could very easily be a monologue rather than a blog, couldn’t it? What can I say, I’m expecting it to be a dull month with basically nothing to talk about. Let’s try and put things right, though. Right, I bought some upper level chocolate in London on Tuesday which I enjoyed today. (Wednesday at the time of writing). I sounded like an idiot when I blamed mouthwash on my brown stains didn’t it I? It was surely all the sugar I’ve been eating… Well, apparently not, that’s why my teeth are YELLOW. On the plus side though, if my teeth were brown and yellow, they would be desert camouflage! Try shooting at my teeth from a distance, it can’t be done!

Now what to say? I’m looking forward to Christmas at very least, I guess. Will I still be using my mouthwash then? I don’t know. If no, you can safely presume my teeth have gone at least a little bit brown, then. I probably won’t mention that though, as some very powerful people will be mad at me. As in ‘let’s bring this twat down.’ I should point out all the reviews I’ve read say the latest wash DOESN’T stain teeth, BUT some of the internet says there may be exceptions. Oh no, this is turning into a monologue again. Ok, after the gym today, I’ll be getting fried chicken and chips from a nearby foodery. They say the first bite is with your eyes, but I think it’s with your nose. God those chips smell bad. They taste pretty good however, it’s like the Subway place I went to in London on Tuesday it smelt awful… but nice sandwich. Remember, that delicious curry I talked about a while ago? The nicest one ever? It’s been discontinued as have the meatball wraps in the local petrol station! I’ll say it again, why does everyone seem to be getting rid of all of their best products?? Changing the subject, what am I doing at the time of writing? Listening to music! Here’s an interesting music fact for you: Yngwie Malmsteen’s instrumental song ‘Little Savage’ is apparently about one of Yng’s girlfriends who’s surname was ‘Savage’. Judging by the tones of the track, you get the feeling he had very mixed feelings towards her.

You’d think it would be best if all the music in the world or at very least all the music you own would be fantastic just in different ways, but I disagree. If music is REALLY good it’s too distracting and you get little to no work done. Therefore most of the music I listen to is actually just good and a lot of it is only ok! Food for thought if you ever consider downsizing your CD collection. I’m not getting rid of anything, not even the weird flamenco album I picked up from a charity shop and I’ve not yet listened to. I’ve just listened to a song from Van Halen’s ‘1984’ album and I’ve been trying to work out what the writing on the cover art’s cigarette package says. At first I thought it said ‘Killer’ which would be a dumb yet honest name for a brand, actually it seems to say ‘King’. I guess that makes the music in the album seem more serious which is good in a way at least, but the cover also features a baby smoking. Is there anything serious about that? Is it a real topic that needs mature and rational thought? If so, that’s where I come in. Don’t make your babies smoke! See I can be serious sometimes, if I lightheartedly made any of the babies in my family smoke I’d be a very bad person. And on that kind, heath conscious note… Bye!