Ozzy! (Blog 531)

On Tuesday night I was excited when I saw the England women football team turn things around and start beating the other side, after the disappointing and tense start. Then once I got a little bit more comfortable, I did a bit of internet surfing and read that Ozzy Osbourne died spoiling things. I was very sad about that because he was a big part of my life especially in my mid teens. All those years ago, I was thinking to myself ‘this persons a lunatic who seems to be freaking people out and scaring people away… just like me!’ and ‘this person seems like he does anything to get attention… just like me!’ Ok, ok, I never behaved like him in QUITE an extreme way (other than maybe when I jumped down the stairs as a child and broke my ankle, but that was mostly out of boredom and me being negatively influenced by my brother), but whilst I’ve never been the person to do drugs or anything like that, I have felt like I was pretty damn high when I had schizophrenia, on rare occasions. Consequently, when listening to lyrics like ‘over the mountain’ I was thinking to myself ‘yeah, I get that.’ I just don’t want to snort ants, that’s all. I hate to sound like a weirdo, but I was VERY happy when listening to Deftones for the first 100 or so times, surely making me their number one fan! I know they have millions of fans, but yeah I honestly do think I was a contender for 1st place. Sadly that puts me in the creepy category, (and the ‘elite’ of them) but the band will be happy to know I don’t like them QUITE so much now. :) I’m more of a loyal fan, now!

As a tribute to Ozzy, I will now be reviewing one of his albums for Metal Rules and I’ve already ranked the best guitar solos found in both Black Sabbath and in Ozzy’s solo project! Four out of five of them were by Randy Rhoads, though I did do a couple of honourable mentions including a Tony Iommi lead and one from Zakk Wylde. Whilst Mr. Wylde didn’t get a spot in the top 5, I did point out he has a nice vibrato, which is something. Craziest vibrato in metal, just not the best solos. :( Speaking of women’s football, I was telling myself ‘it doesn’t really matter if England loses, as women’s football is not real football’. It’s like an offensive sour grapes. I’ll tell you what’s really offensive though, I once Googled why women’s matches seem to have more goals scored in them and I was given an explanation I quickly forgot/didn’t understand. My theory was because women are silly and erratic. No only joking, THAT’S offensive. But it’s ok for me to say it as I’M silly and erratic, especially without my meds. A genuine disaster just waiting to happen. Anyway, for whatever reason women seem to be scoring less now. Why? Maybe women have pulled themselves together and learnt from men, or maybe I just watched a weird match with an unusual amount of goals. No idea, so I’ll move on. I watched the last few minutes of Germany vs Spain the other day, and was hoping Germany would win, because that would mean England would be playing Germany in the final. In a way it would be a win for me if either team won, with my surname and all.

Now what to say? I guess so I don’t have to write yet another apology, I would like to make VERY clear that women’s football ISN’T silly and erratic, you shouldn’t always listen to your siblings especially if they’re children (after all, if someone is described as having the mind of a child, things aren’t good at all), and sorry to Deftones for freaking them out. ‘But Simon, I’m sure they want you as a fan!’ No, you don’t understand. Moving on, like many Ozzy fans I’ve been listening to his songs lately, to bring back the good times. Well, not really. It’s hard to have a genuinely good time when you have schizophrenia, it’s actually one of the main symptoms, but if I want to rewrite my life and make it seem better than it really was, I think I have the right to do so. It will just be confusing for people who knew me at the time, that’s all. NOW what to say? Ah yes, I guess I’ll be reviewing Ozzy’s ‘Diary of a Madman’ as it’s one of his best/IS his best album. What kind of person would I be if reviewed his worst album in his honour? It would be disrespectful, wouldn’t it? Can THESE blogs be described as a diary of a madman? I don’t think so, you should have seen the kind of stuff I’d write when I was 15 years old, THAT would be crazy. As in ‘aaarghhh, noooooo!’ And on that excellent note… bye!