Pointless Checkup Extreme (Blog 563)

Last time I had a health checkup at my local doctor’s 6 or so months ago, I was told my next appointment would be in a year, so I was surprised to get a text telling me to get another checkup already. I phoned why I apparently needed one so soon and was told my last checkup wasn’t a full health test which is annoying, as a ‘full’ checkup in this case means I need to weigh myself and get my blood pressure taken. I couldn’t have done that stuff 6 months ago, it would be WAY too hard. Hang on, it’s not hard is it? I stand on scales and put one of those weird things on my arm. At least using the latter device costs £5 at my local chemist, meaning I’m taking the power back a little, I’m just doubtful my chemist is honest and trustworthy. As I’m typing on a Thursday morning I’ll be leaving for the doc’s very soon in fact, which is annoying as I had my clozapine blood test just yesterday! I don’t have an infinite amount of blood you know? And blood IS important. This is rudimentary stuff. People. Need. Blood. It’s also rudimentary that buildings actually need to be open and running so that you can visit them, and on Wednesday’s appointment the door was locked, the lights were off and there was no receptionist making me fear the worst. False alarm, I assumed either everyone was on holiday or there was another freakout. Then again, people would be happier with the service and wouldn’t feel the need to go nuts if it was running better, because I nearly flipped!

It’s also rudimentary that drinking sugary shakes raises your blood sugar level which is worrying me a little, as I had a large one just yesterday at 8 PM or so. I may get diagnosed with diabetes soon, after giving my precious blood! However, no one forced me to drink the shake, meaning I couldn’t resist it. That’s a great advert for the foodery, isn’t it? Smoky Boys, food that matters even more than your peace of mind! Yesterday in the clozapine place I was told I weighed exactly 61.3 KG, I’m guessing today I’ll weigh something more like 62 KG with all the eating and slurping and all, again I guess I’ll find out soon. Making things worse, I need to drink lots of water so my arms are veiny enough to stick needles in, adding even more to my weight. I’m overweight AND diabetic? Oh no. I’m assuming it will be puzzling for the nurse if I have another checkup tomorrow because of her ‘concerns’ and my weight and sugar level goes back to normal. Shortest episode of ill health ever.

Right, I’m back! First up, on the way to the doc’s I saw a numberplate ending with ‘JFK’! Pretentious, much? When entering the building however, I noticed the place had a new door, an upgrade, too! Not like my dad who once had a perfectly functioning door and replaced it with a worse one, to this day that hasn’t left me. He simply wanted a change? Of door? Hm. My dad’s heart was in the right place when he ordered a replacement toilet though, as unlike the old door, it was broken. Speaking of new things, there’s a new local cash machine which is REALLY good news, as the other one I used took ages to work and I kept thinking it tried to steal my credit card. Anyway, whilst sitting and waiting for my appointment, I noticed a sign telling people to switch their mobile phones off. Why? I’ve just Googled why such phones are important and was told they offer instant communication. Of course they do, but why would a doctor think that’s a bad thing? It sounds oppressive to me, and even cult-like which makes me feel like an idiot, as I recently did a survey on the NHS and described it as ‘excellent’. However, as everyone knows I basically never use my mobile anyway, making me immune to the cult of the health service. Wow, THAT’S slander. But of course, they had a new door balancing things out!

Another sign said ‘Why gamble with your health?’ I actually know the answer to that, people often gamble for excitement. I never bothered to read the rest of the sign, but I’m presuming it didn’t also say ‘take a few risks and live a little’. Very strange obviously. I tell you what was weird though, on the radio I heard an advert saying ‘say ‘at’’. Why? To remind people where they already are? I knew where I was, I was at the doctor’s. Ah, I’ve just Googled ’say ‘at’’ (it’s actually spelt ‘seat’ for an unknown reason) and Seats are cars. Sorry for the confusion, there. Though what are Seat cars? Cars made only from seats? No windows? Sounds exciting, if dangerous. I’d like to give one a try just the once, though. Most thrilling blog ever! When I was called in to see the nurse I warned her about the milkshake and was told it didn’t matter as my blood test wouldn’t be monitoring glucose levels. Ironic, because that’s what she should be most concerned about. I was then measured and when I was told my height, I heard something about a 7 (not because I’m deaf, I guess I wasn’t paying attention) and I assumed I was told I was 5 foot 7. Wow, I’ve grown an inch! Sadly it was a misunderstanding, I’m 5 foot 6 again. Never mind. My weight stayed the same though, which WAS what I wanted. What was really annoying though, was me getting told I have to have ANOTHER checkup in two weeks time. Another pointless checkup extreme. It was a small bonus, but I spotted an REM plate on the way home. And bye!