Post Christmas Blues (Blog 558)

As the title suggests, this is a depressing blog. It’s not as bad as tomorrow’s though, in that I’ll be talking about me trying to decode the gibberish instructions Adsense sent me. It’s so badly worded in fact, I don’t even have a clue what it’s about. To be fair though, I did only skim read it when I first got the message a while ago now, but that’s because Derren Brown teaches the power of the subconscious. In theory, skimming it should be enough. In his theory. I say ‘his’ so I can’t take the blame. It’s like the theory of gravity. If it’s wrong and the ball I drop falls to Earth for another reason, are you going to blame me? It just sounds unfair and it’s unfair if I misunderstand psychology. It’s also unfair that Adsense seems to expect me to read their article whilst concentrating. Maybe the article doesn’t even apply to me, hell, maybe it’s not even about anything. I wouldn’t know but the company has to write that way for a reason, and it’s possible the reason is just because they have too much time on their hands. I’m just saying doesn’t the Adsense-style phrase ‘please complete the act of obtaining data from the company’s associates by activating such associate’s special downloadable application’ instead of ‘download the file’ sound like they do indeed have too much free time?

Anyway FOR NOW, I’m very sad, just for a different reason. Wow Christmas, a time of celebrations, presents and fun, it’s nearly January and things have already turned into a nightmare. It’s such a nightmare, I may not even bother blogging about Adsense after all and will just presume they sent me the article to annoy me. It probably only applies to one single person in Sweden and the company can’t handle the fact they spent all their time and effort for one guy, so they had to get me involved. Over the holidays, I went on a huge food binge and now I’m back on a normal diet, not even the thought of masses of excellent chocolates can ease the pain of dealing with the internet company. Between you and me, I’m scared. On the plus side, I feel like I’ve fully recovered from all the exercising I’ve been doing over the last years and I think I’m going to ace the rowing machines/jogging machines, etc. later on tonight. Should be good! I don’t know why my spelling tool suggested ‘excreting’ rather than ‘exercising’ but the gym does have toilets so to be fair, it was a possibility. That’s the kind of computer program I want to work with - logical and openminded. As good writing should be efficient, Adsense aren’t logical and as they don’t seem to understand my feelings towards the company, they’re not openminded either.

Well I said I wouldn’t be eating masses of chocolates, I will be eating some. More than most people would, in fact. Let’s not go mad by cutting them out of my diet completely. I will also be eating a bacon bap. It would be nice if the local petrol station kept selling the meatball wraps, but at least bacon rolls aren’t confusing. Do they come with instructions saying ‘When devouring or consuming this manufactured pork product, please remember to fully complete the act of manducating prior to the act of swallowing’? They do not. Adsense baps, no one wants them. What else am I sad about? I’ll tell you what I’m confused about, why is the phrase ‘what else am I sad about’ showing up as a grammar mistake? ‘Am’ should be either ‘is’ or ‘are’? No, I disagree, quite strongly in fact. What is I sad about? I think the bigger question is why is my word program encouraging me to speak like Ali G? It would be good if Adsense spoke that way, I’d probably have more chance of understanding them. e.g. ‘Download the file by clicking on the button. There you go, you is done already, respect.’ Oh wow, NOW my grammar checker is working properly, I shouldn’t have said ‘you is done’, well done. And on that logical note… Bye!