Random LCW Blog! (Blog 480)

I’m expecting nothing interesting at all will happen this month, so I thought I’d blog about going to the London Comedy Writers meeting again. But before that, there is a car battery anecdote! I got a new battery! That’s the anecdote. Not my finest, but I did build up to the story a couple of months ago, when I pointed out I couldn’t start my car. No, the story still needs work, I’ve changed my mind. Let’s add to the tale by pointing out that the device cost £150. That’s a lot of money. It must be a damn good battery, I’m only used to seeing ones in TV remotes, that cost about £1. Here’s a thought: If I like cheap batteries just a tiny bit, and I do with the neat designs you get on them, does that mean I like car batteries 150 times more? If so, technically speaking I must love them more than anything on Earth. To me, the super cool artwork you get on Iron Maiden albums is twice as good as a small battery, ultra modern video games graphics are maybe three times better, 150 times better would give me a heart attack.

Now for the London Comedy Writer’s story! Before leaving for the event, I wrote ’ticket’ on my hand so I didn’t forget to buy one. I actually wrote it twice after the first bit of writing faded away. As explained a while ago, I used to get tickets in the morning from a member of staff, but now I get them later on from a ticket machine all by myself. It’s time to grow up and the writing was a reminder of that. Not too much of a problem, right? Well, once I walked to the station, my credit card was declined! And no one could help me! Oh no. The writing on my hand did nothing of any use and I was stuck. I tried again and I got my ticket. Phew. To pass the time on the train journey, I tried to crack the pattern on the seats. The back of the seat had a design that was the opposite of the lower part. But not quite! That was the challenge of the pattern. Not super hard to work out, but if you have a small child with you, you can get him or her to take part in a fun game that could ultimately lead to a burning desire for learning!

Once I left the train, I had to board another train, but as I was standing up I didn’t notice any more patterns on the chairs. Maybe there weren’t any. I did however crack another code, that being the phrase ‘the doors will open on the right of the train’. What does that mean? I’m just saying if you’re facing one end of the train the doors will be on your left, if you’re facing the other end they’ll be on your right! Ah, the way you’re supposed to leave the transport is determined by the direction the train is travelling! I say I cracked the code, actually the announcer on the train made that clear a few months ago. Still though, I have acquired some handy knowledge at very least. Well not really. The only people who need to be told what doors will be opening are those who are blind. Once I was in London Bridge, I got a tasty chicken wrap which I ate in the LCW room before the event started. Not an amusing story, but I wouldn’t want it to be. I don’t want to drop my food as funny as that would sound, I wouldn’t want someone else to eat it and I certainly wouldn’t want anyone to eat it whilst laughing.

When that was eaten, I bought myself some crisps and a ginger beer from the pub, below. For a couple of seconds I thought I was in America and asked for chips. I don’t know why. It could have been worse, I could have thought I was in Japan, that would be a troubling thought for me. Anywhere where people speak a foreign language, basically. As I ate the food back in the LCW room, someone seemed to notice I had the word ‘ticket’ on my hand. Of course the writing didn’t fade off me THEN, why would it? It didn’t really matter though, the word could have been a lot more random. Having the word ‘chimney’ on my hand would be harder to explain in a script sharing get together. As my drink had ice cubes in it, I could have put them all in my mouth to show off how hardy it was, but there was the risk of choking. The ice cubes could have melted in my throat before I needed to breathe again, so I would probably have been fine taking the risk, but it would be a bad time.

Shortly after everything was eaten, the script readings began. I could comment on them now, but as always, I wasn’t really listening at the time, so it’s not really possible. In the meeting break, the leader of the group encouraged everyone to donate money to help keep it running. Perhaps for the first time ever, I had money on me to give away, I had a good £5. If anything I should have donated more when you take into consideration the amount of times I’ve been to the place. But at the same time, the money was mine and I wanted it. More readings followed. I forgot to check if there were any patterns on the first train home, but not to worry as on the second train, an old lady had a BAG with a pattern on it! If it wasn’t random, I couldn’t decipher it anyway, which annoyed me. However, the fact the OAP seemed to be reading a book about a pirate, called ‘Blue Beard’ did lighten the atmosphere. It just wasn’t whatI was expecting. I guess old people can like pirates, too. And that was the trip out, bye!