Rubbish Real Birthday (Blog 527)

Right, I’m typing on a Monday and NOW I’m 37. Am I going to celebrate in the way I did two days ago? Nope. I’d like to, but asking my brother and his family to go for another meal? And at such short notice? My sister in law would have to take time off work just for me, so all in all I’d be an exceptionally selfish person, wouldn’t I? Either that or I’m dying and want to make the most of my last few days on Earth. Maybe I could SAY that I was dying. As long as the condition I faked wasn’t contagious, I think that’s a great reason to go for a meal, I could probably even get a skydiving event organised for me at the last minute. With all the money I could raise in my honour, I could probably buy a mansion and a miracle cure from a very secretive person who really does want no attention whatsoever. Dammit, the press can’t contact him despite his genius and groundbreaking work with medicine. Some people are just shy, that’s all. Only joking, I wouldn’t do that. I could see my dad doing all that if he got desperate, though.

I’m feeling slightly better than earlier, though. When I woke up I was thinking to myself ‘… I feel old now’, but fortunately I only felt that for about a minute and went back to normal. 37 may be a bigger number than 36, but that fact having a lasting effect on me? I think it would be weird. So why do people party hard on their 50th birthday? You’re celebrating a number! Fine, do so if you really love maths, but what has the number 50 ever done for you? Probably nothing at all. Having said that, I will party hard on my 44th birthday as that’s a palindrome. What IS depressing though is that 36 is supposed to be the happiest year of your life. Yesterday I was waiting for something incredible to make 36 the greatest year ever, but it simply never happened. I hate to say this, but 36 was a dull year and the main thing I remember happening at the time was my computer breaking and me needing to get it repaired. I never really recovered emotionally from that. I never exactly loved computers, but following the breakage they have been on my mind 24/7. Also, I enjoyed my new Superheaven album I bought in Kingston, I just didn’t think it was as good as Heaven, let alone better than it.

Oh, I know what I can celebrate. The roadworks on the way to the gym should be over now. Well, today or tomorrow anyway. A sign explained they would be starting on the 1st of July and lasting a week. So yeah, could be finished today or tomorrow. Right? If not, it sends a powerful message: Take school seriously, children. During the works there was a road diversion which scared me at first. However, I followed a car in front of me, (rightly) assumed he was going in my general direction and found the gym very shortly after. The journey was more or less identical, but it did boost my faith in my navigational abilities. The next time I see a road diversion, I just need to cross my fingers there will a car in front of me there, too. As I’m typing I’m facing a dilemma: I could assume the roadworks are over and go back to leaving for the gym at roughly 4:30 OR I could assume the job isn’t finished and leave 15 minutes earlier. It’s a tough question, it really shouldn’t be and consequently it really does open old wounds.

I’m wondering how Jack Whitehall is feeling now he has turned 37. He’s probably doing more interesting things than list the reasons why his real birthday sucks. Ah yes, I’ve just remembered, the roadworks should be done now, that’s something. :) Maybe not though. I could open Mr. Whitehall’s Instagram page to find out how he’s doing, but as explained a while ago, the site goes funny on me if I use it more than twice a day. Instagram’s biggest fear. Terrible twos. How am I supposed to feel now when even TWO is a big number according to the site? 37 would give it a full blown overload. Most likely, no one would ever be able to use it ever again. Now what to say? Ah yes. Remember when I said I didn’t know if 37 is mid 30s or late 30s? I’ve just worked it out! Now I’m in my mid thirties, after half a year, I’ll be in my late thirties! There’s still time to appreciate my youth! How? Dammit! That’s where the plan falls apart, I’ll be getting a pizza soon though, which is something. And on that happy note… Bye!