Staines Part Infinity to the Power of Simon’s Number (Blog 467)

Today, I celebrated the fact the worst month of the year is over, in Staines! (Sounds exciting, but I don’t like September, either). As the title suggests, I’ve been to the town a ridiculous amount of times, even more ridiculous than before, the ordinary person, including myself, can’t even wrap their head around the number, it really is vast. There is a contest where you try to come up with biggest number possible, and I really do think I have a good chance at winning! Infinity to the power of Simon’s number. Wow. Or maybe I’m a troll who would be told to leave the venue. The first thing I did whilst shopping, was buy a new notepad for me, some chocolate for my sister in law and a Nerf gun for my nephew, all from the same shop. (Because of birthdays). I wonder why you can get all those things from the same place. I’m picturing a situation where a very young child who can’t reason properly, writes down his plans to rob a bank, holds the place up with a toy weapon, and then celebrates with some sugary treats. Is that the reason the store had those specific things? If so, WHSmith is weird.

After that, I looked for some soap in Boots. I wandered around the place for ages, but couldn’t find any. It had to be in the skincare section, right? How do you think I felt hanging around such a section for such a long period of time? I’ll tell you how I felt, like a small girl or at very best, a fully grown woman. In the end I asked a member of staff where the soap was and he said in the ‘shower and bath’ section! How does that make sense? You CAN shower and bath with the soap you use for your hands and face, but I don’t AND soap is for the care of skin! Anyway, they didn’t have my preferred soap, so I left. I was looking for a special kind of soap for my girly skin. Joke! That was a joke! I just don’t like soap that kind of gets stuck on your face, it’s hard to explain. Maybe I wasn’t actually using soap when it got stuck on me, maybe it was paint, so I guess I should move on. Oh you think you can’t get paint and soap mixed up? Well as my dad has retired from work he does have a lot of time on his hands.

The REALLY cool part of the outing was my Five Guys experience. Once in the foodery, I noticed Pearl Jam was playing on the radio. Very nice! However, it was the song that goes ‘he can’t help that when he’s happy he looks insane’ or whatever. Is that really appropriate in a family restaurant? But yeah, I did like it. Relatable. After ordering my burger and shake, I was told something about ’64’. I assumed that meant seat number, but I could see no numbers on seats, so I sat where I wanted to. (By a window). Maybe it was a Nintendo 64 reference? Was the cook saying my food would be in 3D like many of the video games of the era? Turns out it WOULD be in 3D, but I mean… so is all food, isn’t it? Apart from maybe crisps. There’s a Montell Jordan song that goes ‘you can get yours in a 64.’ I can get my burger in a 3D video game??

Anyway, out of the widow, I noticed a woman who appeared to be wearing a single piece of clothing that went from her toes to shoulders. I have to be honest, it looked like pyjamas. The day was only getting weirder. Ahhhh, I soon found out that my ORDER was 64. Of course. Moving on, last time I mentioned eating at Five Guys, I talked about how in medieval times kings ate the desserts first, and then the main meal. As I waited for my order, I was thinking about saying something like ‘I don’t want to eat like a king today’ meaning I didn’t want my shake first, and I think people with an interest in food, like the 5G cooks would know exactly what I meant. However, as I got my stuff at the same time, the phrase didn’t apply. Well I just said that I didn’t want to live like a king, I really couldn’t resist all that cream on my shake, so I did actually munch on that before my burger. But after the cream was gone? Time not to live like a king, so to speak. A weird expression, I get that.

When everything was munched and slurped, I went CD shopping. I noticed the Santana CD I bought in a charity shop a few days earlier for 50p. HMV tried to sell it for £10! It was in more or less the same condition, too. In the end, I bought an album by a band I’d never heard of called ‘Porcupine Tree’. I hate to sound like I’m easily influenced again, but I got it because the album cover said how great it was. If I don’t like it I will be annoyed, as I was considering getting an album by Pineapple Thief, and when I got home I Googled the band and I liked it a lot! Pretty annoying. But maybe PT are just as good, if not better. That was the trip out, basically. Now what to say? Oh yes, I find it funny how there were about five guys who were cooking the food. Or was it four? If so, it doesn’t matter as another customer was guy, making the five! Sure he was about 10 years old, but 10 year old boys count as guys, too! A funny story. And… bye!