The Half Gym Prince! (Blog 552)

Today, (I’m writing on a Saturday) the gym will be closing early, because of a staff party. Not a party for me, for me it’s annoying. Not to worry, I can do some working out in the gym early on (just a half session), then I can do some blogging, then I can do the rest of the workout out at home. And of course, as I’m likely to be the gym’s biggest user that makes me a gym prince. A half gym prince! That’s a new Harry Potter novel, which is interesting as in school it was pointed out how I looked like Harry Potter. Just because I wear glasses, doesn’t mean I look like him although I do have magical powers, those being the ability to annoy others at great distances. Pull a funny face at someone from 100 metres away and subconsciously, it should register. I’ll tell you what isn’t magical, though - my eyesight.

Ok, it’s now just after 10 AM and I’ll be leaving for the gym at half past 12 or so. What to do in the meantime? Well, I’m listening to music at the moment, but I’m not listening to the album I bought myself for Christmas as… it’s for Christmas! What album did I purchase? An album by solo instrumental artist Bruce Bouilet, and he was the lesser known guitarist of Racer X. Not exactly a blockbuster of a release, but as it was only selling for around £5 on Amazon, I had to have it. I assume the person who was selling the album on the site was thinking to himself ‘wow, someone really bought my CD?… I wasn’t expecting that…’ I mean it’s such a random album and not only that, there were 3 or 4 other people selling it as well, why did I choose him? Again, it must have been weird.

Of course, I will be buying myself more albums when I go Christmas shopping, just not by Mr. Bouilet. I’m wondering how many albums he actually sold. 3 or 4 maybe? It wouldn’t surprise me, but that would mean everyone who owned his album sold it later on, which is making me doubt the quality of his music. Not too long ago, I estimated how many instrumental rock/metal albums I have in my collection, just in case someone ever asked me, and I must have 40 to 50. Then I realised no one would ever have a reason to ask me that, so I’ll point it out now. Or rather just then. Not so pointless now, is it? What are my top three instrumental albums I don’t hear you cry? ‘Passion and Warfare’ by Steve Vai, ‘Surfing With the Alien’ by Joe Satriani, and ‘Maximum Security’ by Tony Macalpine. See, it’s interesting isn’t it? Again, not pointless. Well done to Mr. Macalpine, I guess. Not so much the other artists, their heads are big enough already.

It’s worth remembering that as my CD player is getting very old now, it has a habit of randomly increasing and decreasing in volume for no apparent reason. If I don’t keep that in mind, when listening to Bruce I’d be thinking to myself ‘… well, I can see WHY your music isn’t very popular…’ I just had to squeeze another Bruce comment in there, it came to me after I mentioned the other artists, explaining the slightly weird blog structure. Now what to say? Ah yes, now I’m listening to music on Youtube, in particular the songs listed in my I guess A.I. made playlist. I do like listening to such songs, of course I do, but A.I. isn’t smart enough to realise I don’t like listening to them over and over and over again. I do sometimes, but not now. That’s a human victory over A.I., I think, and can it really be called intelligence if the playlist simply consists of songs I’ve already listened to?

Oh yes, here’s something else that just came to me: The gym closes at 2 PM, and the gym usually closes at 10 PM. What kind of hardcore party animals party from 2 till 10? Ok, ok, the gym closes at 6 PM on Saturdays, but probably only so the staff can party from 6 to 10 on non-festive days. Ok, it’s just past 11:11:11, and I clicked on a news site at that very second. Hopefully those running the site noticed a visitor visiting at that very time and thought to themselves ‘Wow, what a coincidence…’ There was no coincidence whatsoever. I did it on purpose. Now what to say? You know what, I think I’ve done enough blogging for now. Time to do some more jokes, I guess… Now how to beef this paragraph up? I could say ‘Merry Christmas!’ This sounds bad, but I did the exact same thing in a ‘serious’ album for Metal-Rules… :S Oh wow, my dad said my brother should be visiting me tomorrow. I won’t be shaving!

Right, I’m back from the gym and there is little if anything to say about the session, but on the way back I did see someone who looked like Nikko Jenkins and if it was him, just a warning but a very dangerous man has escaped. Google says he’s currently safe in jail and you’d think him breaking out and travelling to England would be rather big news, but there’s no mention of that happening on an internet news site, so false alarm, I guess. This may seem like a relatively small issue, but the spines of a good few of my CDs are getting faded by the sun. A murderer may have been on the loose, now I’m talking about things like that? I suppose getting killed is WAY more annoying, so apologies for my writing.

I’ve just watched a video on Youtube about flying cars in Japan! These last few minutes really have been a rollercoaster, haven’t they? Let’s up the intensity even further by talking about hyper sleds that can travel 6,559 mph! Does that mean if such a sled fired a bullet that would normally travel 1,000 mph if the person shooting it was still, the bullet would go 7,559 mph if shot from a speeding sled? Because of momentum, right? Don’t ask me, because I’ve Googled that word and can’t figure out what it means. But imagine getting shot by a bullet going that fast, I mean ow, right? If I were to be shot by such a bullet, I really do think that would be too much of a rollercoaster for me to handle. It was actually somewhat of an emotional time when I updated my computer, on Friday. It’s just that I’m used to things going seriously wrong, when everything turned out fine I was so happy.

My God, am I looking forward to my pizza later, you’d think I’d be bored of them after all these years. I’ve talked about beefing paragraphs up by saying ‘Merry Christmas’, how about beefing things up by saying ‘yum, yum, yum, yum, yum’, etc.? No, too silly. I’m also looking forward to watching the 2nd Spinal Tap film which I ordered recently, I think I’ll watch it on Christmas or Christmas eve. If do end up spending the holidays alone with my dad, at least the film will offer me some comfort. If I see my brother’s family on the other hand, the film will make things better, still. I’ll tell you what I WILL like though… Shopping! The London Comedy Writers Christmas party is also rapidly approaching, the only thing that’s annoying me is I threw my old hand drawn map away! I guess I’ll have to do another. Another rollercoaster for you. I think I’ll do more jokes, so bye!